I picked my little daughter up from her friend's house after her birthday party. Her friend's mother walked her to the car and chatted for a bit. On the way home, my daughter told me that the mother had asked her very detailed questions about her family. I knew my daughter would say whatever came to mind, and I also believed I knew what she was thinking. I understood even more why the boy's mother had asked so many questions, since at the birthday party, my daughter was the only girl present; everyone else was a boy. Mothers are all that cautious, and I'm no exception.
Does modern life make us more insecure and suspicious? My childhood, around the same age as yours now, in middle school, involved going to school in the morning, coming home at noon, and in the afternoons either working in the fields or going to the forest. Some friends lived on the other side of the river, and I'd have to cross by raft just to buy a pound of salt for their mothers. We became friends, and every time we met, we'd chat for hours and couldn't go home. Some lived way over the mountains. To get there, they'd have to walk an hour and a half, climbing to the mountaintop and back down, crossing fields and streams just to meet. I didn't even know my parents' names, let alone what my father or mother did for a living. Of course, most of them were farmers. Why didn't my parents, or your parents, feel insecure? Why didn't they bother to find out what that family was like?
We are forced to raise our children with a protective mindset. Family discipline becomes especially important; the closeness of individuals within each family reflects the parenting style of the parents. Furthermore, according to sociologists, the divorce rate is increasing. The number of single parents is also growing, meaning a larger number of children are growing up lacking the care of either parent. The breakdown of marriages has many reasons, but the biggest reason, as I imagine it, and as I compare it to my parents' and grandparents' generation, is that each person cannot dim their own light so that both can shine together.
My parents are both around 90 years old and have been married for over 60 years. Although they've had their share of disagreements, we've never once heard them threaten divorce. Did they clash? Yes. Were they capable of independent living? Yes. Were they confident? Yes. But what they possessed, something we often lack, was the wisdom of "a little patience goes a long way."
Family isn't simply addition, something you can subtract when you no longer want to add it. Family is the unifying effort of every member, including parents and children. I asked my daughter: "Do you feel lonely having only your mother by your side all these years?" My daughter replied softly: "No, Mom. I feel normal." But I know that no child can truly "feel normal" growing up in a state of deprivation, no matter how hard the other parent tries to compensate.
Illustrative image: Source material
