Living alone is truly a special kind of ability. Those who know how to live alone, how to enjoy and create value from this life, can still feel just as happy as those who live with others.
But few people understand that. Images of married life, family reunions, friends raising glasses in celebration with smiles on their faces… seem to have become the representative image of the concept of happiness. We look at them and think: Ah, so this is what happiness is, this is what happiness should be like! We forget that happiness is actually much closer, happiness may not need anything or anyone to create a catalyst, but it is within us, complete and pure – a peaceful happiness from our own body and mind!
I have a friend who is exceptionally good at managing her life. For many reasons, she chose to live alone. Alone in a big city, at 37, she seems to have everything according to societal standards: multiple houses, cars, a savings account, domestic and international travel... except for a husband and a few children. "So how can you call that living, my dear?" her mother often calls to complain. In her mother's eyes, her daughter's solitary life in a luxury apartment, eating alone in fancy restaurants, driving alone in the rain and sun... is the monotonous activity of a lonely, pathetic person. Her mother has repeatedly lamented that she would rather her daughter be less talented, less wealthy, less beautiful... to find an ordinary husband, to have an ordinary life, than to be so excellent in every way yet still be all alone!
She didn't know that, for her daughter, being single was a choice, and her daughter was perfectly comfortable, relaxed, happy, and enjoying that life.
Those who are capable of living alone – like my friend – are admirable independent individuals. They don't burden others with their joys and sorrows. They don't fear boredom when alone. They enjoy their solitude as a wise and intellectual realm. They possess inner harmony, self-understanding, and the ability to overcome their own limitations. In fact, most of us spend our lives learning how to interact with the outside world, but the most important core, a wondrous, multi-layered, profound inner world that we often overlook, is our inner world. Those capable of living alone excel at this: understanding and loving themselves. Anyone who has read Osho knows this quote: Only those capable of being alone are capable of loving, sharing, and entering the deepest core of others without possessing them, without becoming dependent on them, without reducing them to objects, and without becoming addicted to them. They allow others absolute freedom because they know that even if others leave, they will still be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken away by others, because it was not given to them by others.
Of course, living alone doesn't mean being completely isolated and disconnected from everyone. On the contrary, those I know who choose to live alone have very rich lives, extensive social networks, and friends all over the world. However, their egos are strong enough not to rely on, depend on, or entrust their joys, sorrows, hopes, and disappointments to others. They are completely proactive in their lives. They are the captain of their own ship.
What about you? Are you capable of living alone? Can you create happiness for yourself without needing others to bring it to you?
