Confessing to having a crush on me, I was still tormented.

I always try to do everything to get his recognition but he considers me fake. I treat my in-laws very well but he considers me a liar.

I am 30 years old, a civil servant, married with two children; people who look at my life will secretly wish they had the same life as me. My life, according to everyone, is perfect and few can compare; I have a big house, a car, but only when I lie under the covers do I know if there are lice; my life is not really materially complete and lacks spiritually. I myself am sometimes hot-tempered and thoughtless, but in general I am quite mature for my age.

My family situation is a bit special, my father passed away early, my siblings always had progressive thoughts that they would encourage my mother to remarry to accompany her in old age. Finally, my mother found a suitable person with the same situation at the age of 55. My uncle is a good person and so are his children. Although I thought about my mother, deep down, I felt a bit inferior about my situation. Then I met my current husband, I believed that he understood and sympathized with my situation.

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I love him, the thing is that his family looks normal on the outside but is actually very rich. I didn't know this because when we first met, he looked normal. He rode an average motorbike and dressed simply. I understood and sympathized with him, never asking him for anything or asking for money. I thought he was also a cadre like me, and a man, with a salary that wasn't enough to spend. On the other hand, I had self-respect. Then we got married.

It has been almost 9 years now, my life has been less happy than sad; he does not really sympathize with my situation, and seems to look down on me. When meeting my siblings and my stepfather's children, he often finds excuses not to come or just shows up and then leaves. While my stepfather's children all come. My mother is very sad. I am afraid of such meetings because I feel ashamed. My husband's parents also look down on my family, often hinting at my mother's remarriage.

As for myself, I think I have done my duty as a daughter-in-law relatively well. I consider his parents as my own parents, and get along very well with his family. His parents also praise me to others. My point of view is quite fair, my grandparents look after my children, and I will be responsible for taking care of them. My brother-in-law also loves me very much. I am happy because that has made my mother proud. As for my husband, he is a capable person but stubborn and dry, likes to hang out at bars, and does not gamble. My husband has a group of close friends, including a girl friend who he also praises because she is the closest to the rest. Then through my mother-in-law, I learned that she used to like my husband, but because our family does business in the market, my parents had planned from the beginning not to have any love affairs. I am a bit jealous of this person.

My husband helps her with her housework very enthusiastically, but my mother knows he doesn't like her so she rarely asks for help. Because of her, my husband thinks I'm jealous so he lied to me many times and beat me twice. I said I'm not jealous, just jealous because he treats her family better than mine, he has to tell the truth about her, I don't forbid him from going anywhere or doing anything. I'm very open-minded but I don't accept lies. The times I found out he lied and argued with him, he cursed me very badly, using vulgar words.

There are two things I will never forgive myself for. When I first got married, my sister-in-law was in 4th grade. Someone gave my family some eggs. My father-in-law said they were my eggs and no one else was allowed to eat them, even though I was pregnant at the time. I was young and impulsive, so I wrote a diary on my phone, saying that I craved those eggs and called my parents-in-law old ladies and old men. I went to a party and didn't bring my phone. My sister-in-law read it and showed it to my parents-in-law. They were very angry, I cried and knelt down to apologize.

The second time was 3 years ago, I had a crush on someone, we texted each other and talked about many things, I hugged and kissed him once. After that, I felt I had to overcome this on my own, not let it continue any further. I didn't want to break up my family and his family but tried every way to get out but couldn't. I read articles about third parties and their consequences, but still couldn't give up. I chose to tell my husband the truth.

Knowing that the consequences would be unpredictable, I still chose this way. I did it, I endured it, and wanted to be scolded so badly that I would open my eyes. After hearing this, my husband lost faith in me. He didn't beat or scold me like before, but he did something terrible to that man, which I didn't know about. After this, every time we argued, he brought it up to torture me mentally, scolding me for being rude, spoiled, and all sorts of things.

I always tried to do everything to get his recognition but he considered me fake. I treated my in-laws very well but he also considered me a liar. He compared how I treated his parents to my stepfather. I wanted to divorce many times but I was ashamed and afraid that my mother would be sad. He also kicked me out of the house every time we argued, saying that I had no right to take the children away. But I never left home, thinking that if we were not divorced, I would not be kicked out, he had no right, if we were divorced I would not stay in his house for another minute. In my heart, I always thought that one day I would leave but I wanted to take my children with me. So I gave birth to another child to have a reason to take at least one child with me. For nearly 9 years now, everything I have done has not been recognized, and I have nothing in my hands even though I am known as a rich husband, everything belongs to my grandparents. I am not greedy for money but I think my in-laws are also on guard, afraid that I will steal this and that.

My husband scolded me for not doing anything for him. I don't know what else I should do when he is away all day, and when he comes home there is delicious food, sweet soup, a clean house, and healthy children? I think men are greedy and unreasonable. While he is away all day, every night he drinks iced tea until 10pm (because I control the time, otherwise it would be later). He said he works to earn money, but when I ask for money he gets annoyed. My child has never been taught by his father, he is just grumpy and rude to him. Once, because I defended my child, he beat me, cursed me, and kicked me out of the house. This is the third time I have been beaten.

I am so fed up with this life, I wanted a divorce for a long time but every time I talk to my mother I cry. She is afraid that people will say that because her mother got married, her children are not happy. I love my mother so I endure it. The climax, yesterday, he lied to me that he was going to a company party but actually he was going to a class reunion, and she was there. I was suspicious and asked him but he didn't say anything. Everything came out when I went on social media and saw a photo of her with my husband. I sent the photo and told him he was lying. I said I wouldn't forbid it but when I asked him he still didn't tell the truth. So we argued again. My husband cursed me in the worst way possible. Everything was beyond my tolerance. I really wanted to end it.

I am not in a clear state of mind right now. Please give me your opinion. I want to make an objective decision, even if I have to endure public opinion, I still want to save myself. I believe in Buddhism, everything comes and goes by fate. What I am worried about is that I want to raise two children but I am afraid that I do not have enough money and that my husband will separate me and my children. Whether I am right or wrong, if I am wrong, I am willing to correct it. As for men, I have completely lost faith.

According to VNE