"War" between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

(Baonghean) - Love is the cradle that nurtures relationships between people in society. That is why To Huu did not hesitate to praise:

What is more beautiful in the world than that,
Lovers live to love each other...

However, there are loves from the past to the present that have always been in conflict, arguing with each other, causing many tragedies in society. I am talking about mother-child love, husband-wife love and the eternal war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. But if both sides stand on each other’s position and think, in fact, the mother-in-law was once the daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law will also be the mother-in-law in the future, then can this discord be resolved?

From the mother-in-law's perspective, the daughter-in-law is the one who directly takes care of her son, gives birth to and raises her grandchildren, and does what the mother-in-law wants to do for her children and grandchildren. Seeing her position replaced and taken over by someone else is inevitably disappointing, but that is also the legitimate right and obligation of a daughter-in-law, a wife, a mother. Everything has its time, its destiny, its order, its turn. If the mother-in-law of the past and present relied on her husband, then the daughter-in-law of today and in the future will only know how to look forward to her man. When each person grows up and is able to be independent and build their own life, it is also the time for previous generations to learn to stop protecting and embracing them, giving them full authority and responsibility for their lives without creating pressure, influencing and interfering unnecessarily, this includes married life and family.

In return, the daughter-in-law must respect and love her husband's parents as if they were her own parents. There must be a front and a back, a top and a bottom. Don't forget that before you enter a man's life, his mother is the most important woman to him, the one who loves, understands, and tolerates him more than anyone else. If one day the two of you let go of each other on the road of life, the mother will still be there, comforting and supporting them, following them forever. Are wives sure they can do those things for their husbands? So don't think that the order of front and back, top and bottom can be erased in a day or two, live up to the duty of a child, not being bothered by in-laws, boys and girls...

If both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law could think clearly and be tolerant like that, the family harmony would be much better, and the husband and son would not fall into the dilemma of "which side is more important, love or filial piety". Instead of hating, being angry, fighting over every tooth and hair of the husband and son, causing them to suddenly fall into the fear of losing one of the two, or even both, important women in their lives, why don't mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law hold hands and take care of each other so that their husbands and sons can work with peace of mind, develop their careers, live in two arms of protection, two loves and two solid supports, wouldn't that be better? After all, the competition between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law comes from love for their important man, a distorted, selfish love, only wanting to possess him for themselves without paying attention to the thoughts and feelings of the person being "contested". Once in love without knowing how to love, not wanting to cherish and protect, only wanting to share, that love will unintentionally turn into a knife that cuts off the mother-child, husband-wife relationship, destroying family happiness, pushing mothers, children, wives, and husbands into suffering and separation.

We humans are born, grow up, love each other then hate each other, get close to each other then separate, experience so much happiness and suffering, in the end, all just to reach a peaceful shore where life anchors. If we are destined to love each other, to be close to each other through blood ties or love between a man and a woman, please cherish that bond, nurture it with sincerity and forgiveness. Don't hurt those you consider precious because of temporary greed and selfishness. That includes learning to cherish what people love, cherish...

Hai Trieu (Email from Paris)