Firefighting experience

(Baonghean) - Aunt Dung, the beauty pageant finals are this weekend!

- Oh, I thought the final was the day before yesterday, and apparently there was already a new Miss Universe from the '96 era?

- That's the human beauty queen. This week is the final round of the… cow beauty pageant!

- Is Moc Chau, Son La still hosting the event like last year?

No, this time our district is organizing it. It's going to be spectacular!

- Did they manage to invite a top-notch singer to perform in a foreign language? That's what makes it so impressive!

- Well, cows don't have a language, so the entertainment section... spares the contestants!

- I guess they'll skip the bikini segment too?

- Hehe, you're just a prophet!

- What's the point of being a beauty queen if you don't show off your swimsuit?

Yes, there are many more equally exciting competitions, sir!

- Is there anything "different" from you, sir?

- Yes, there are so many special awards. There's the award for the contestant with the most beautiful coat, the award for the contestant who has been cheated on the least, the award for the contestant with the neatest tail molt, and even the award for the most seductive "cow wearing a hat"... Many of them walk the catwalk so gracefully, sir...

- You haven't taken the dental exam yet, how would you know?

- Yes, please don't reveal this, but our organizing committee has been monitoring the contestants for months. This weekend is just the final awards ceremony, sir. That's a lesson I learned from "others"!

- I heard that Hoa, the cow belonging to Nụ's great-granddaughter, shows signs of "unnatural beauty"?

- Oh, that Facebook trolling group is causing a huge commotion. We took them to the main road for a thorough check; how could dentures possibly chew through twenty-odd kilometers of grass!

- The bulls' Q&A segment must be interesting, right?

- Why do you keep making fun of domesticated animals, sir? The mission of a beauty queen cow is to produce milk, which humans are scrambling to drink in order to increase their intelligence!

- Come on, you're on the organizing committee, who can argue with you! I just hope that after the competition, there won't be any trouble between the organizing committee and… the contestants. Right?

- Yes, I'm listening, sir. But has there ever been a competition where, after the final round, the organizers didn't have to "clean up" for the contestants, sometimes because of their academic records, other times because of alleged plastic surgery... And why are you only focusing on beauty pageants this week? Or did your wife change the channel after watching the bikini performance the other day?

- So, what's more fun this week than the beauty pageant, according to your uncle?

- Yes, sir, they just announced the policy to cut out the speeches of the leaders at the opening ceremony of the new school year. Honestly, it's been years since they've managed to remove such a small detail. The opening ceremony time has already been set at 7:30 AM. Gone are the days of making thousands of students sit in the sun waiting for some "busy" delegate to deliver a three-page speech with content similar to last year's. Parents are overjoyed to hear this news. Eliminating the speeches makes things easier for the students and less work for the delegates. Knowing all this, they still needed instructions from the Deputy Prime Minister to "listen" to it! Amazing!

- Yeah, since you dropped by about the start of the school year, I wanted to ask if there was a school that just discovered that students in the second grade still couldn't write their own names?

- Oh, so you think I could write my own name after finishing second grade? Haha, I'm striving to avoid having to write my own name, sir. My life is all about signing; someone else will... stamp my name! And the fact that a second-grade student can't write their own name is probably exceptional, just like that PhD who can't write a single word in English! The media is exaggerating things. Look, in Truong Son commune, Nong Cong district, Thanh Hoa province, they just made even children pay for cemetery repairs. They don't even have enough to eat yet, and they have to worry about building a cemetery – being able to write my own name is already a great achievement!

- Are you taking your family anywhere this three-day holiday weekend?

- Perhaps we should make a visit to the "island submerged in the far east".

- Don't tell me you came here just to go fishing in the street!

No, I came here to learn from the beauty pageant organizers.

- Experience in spending?

- Firefighting experience!

Dung & Dang