Learning a foreign language requires learning culture as well.

When I was in Thai Binh, I had to learn many things other than Vietnamese to be able to communicate, had to offer both hands when older people gave me things, used the correct pronouns, after clinking glasses, had to shake hands and wish good health... So many things.

It’s not that the manners of conversation are hard to learn. In the past, when I wrote Vietnamese, Vietnamese people found it difficult to understand. Not because of grammar or spelling mistakes, but because the way I used Vietnamese did not match the way Vietnamese people think.

There are many ways to speak a language, no two people speak the same. The vocabulary I choose when speaking will be slightly different in proportion to my parents or friends. Because obviously, I have many different types of friends, we read different books and watch different types of movies, and have completely different life experiences.

When I first started writing in Vietnamese, I often translated my thoughts from English to Vietnamese, which cannot be translated exactly, the grammar rules are opposite, many words have multiple meanings, and many cultural concepts are different. To be able to sit here and write these lines, it took me a long time to understand the way Vietnamese people think and write naturally like them.

There are many German words I like that don't exist in English:

“Depaysement” is a French word that explains the feeling of being a foreigner, not being in your own country.

“Mokita” is a Kivila word that means a truth that people agree not to talk about anymore.

The Finnish word “Sisu,” a compound word, means something like tenacity, perseverance, and determination, rather than just temporary courage, expressing a psychological strength to do something regardless of the consequences.

Looking at the words and concepts built into the language, we can understand that learning vocabulary and grammar alone is not enough to understand how to speak another language.

I remember when I was little, my mother always strictly taught me to always remember the words.please(please),thank you(Thank you)you're welcome(You're welcome),excuse me(Sorry to bother you)andsorry(Sorry).Always remember or you will be beaten. Mother taught my brother and me like we were training soldiers, saying the same thing over and over again, and I was scolded all the time.

I remember how annoyed I was at the time, but now I understand and feel grateful to my mother for that. My grandmother came from England, when England was still an empire, still the heart of the West. How to sit when eating, how to talk, how to say hello and goodbye (especially to customers), how to dress, be on time, smile when talking, admit mistakes as quickly as possible when you are wrong...) It's all from culture and it's very serious,

In Vietnam for nearly 10 years, I see that most Vietnamese people do not really learn how to use English while they are learning English. That is why when talking to Vietnamese people sometimes feel very uncomfortable. There are many experiences but I will just conveniently tell one example that I will always remember,

I recently published my second book, so I had a few TV shows to promote it. HTV invited me to the studio, a building with a massive, extremely luxurious architecture. I walked in and saw many models and actors, they were wearing very beautiful and expensive clothes. Looking back at myself, from head to toe, I was wearing second-hand clothes. I have been doing many shows continuously for nearly 3 years, and I only focus on writing, so I don’t have enough money to buy new clothes every time I go on air. So being here makes me feel a bit out of place compared to everyone else.

I sat in a corner waiting for HTV to come down to the lobby to take me up. But when the receptionist saw me, she wondered if I was not suitable to be a model or because I looked too different. She spoke in English, her voice very loud and fierce:

“Sir, go outside!"(You, go out).

She didn't smile, didn't explain why, and didn't say "please."

I understand, it's true that I don't look suitable for the environment, I went out to text HTV.

“The receptionist kicked me out. What should I do now?”

“It's okay, Jesse, just go to the 9th floor, there's a cafe up there.”

I didn't want to go through that receptionist again, it was too much. Working with HTV was a great opportunity for me, I entered the lobby of the building and tried to walk as fast as I could, squeezing through the crowd so she wouldn't see me.

“Sir! SIR! SIR! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?”

“I'm going to the 9^thfloor” (I go to the 9th floor).

Then I just walked into the elevator. She ran quickly to block the door, I was embarrassed because there were many people in the elevator waiting.

At this time, many strangers started to walk in but the receptionist only cared about me. Moreover, I was very tired of her impolite English from the beginning, so I didn't want to help her at all.

“Where are you going?”

“I'm going to the cafe”

“Why do you go?”

“I want to dink cafe” (I want to drink coffee).

Her hand was still blocking the elevator door. She must have felt it was bothering everyone so she decided to get in the elevator. I felt uncomfortable, especially since I had to film on TV soon. If I was stressed, the audience would know right away.

I said, “Please, I don't want to talk to you.” Please, I don't want to talk to you.

“Who you meet?”

“My friend” (My friend).

And so, dozens of blunt questions.

When the elevator opened, I quickly walked into the cafe and headed straight to the filming location. She was still running after me. My friend who worked at HTV came out to greet me and asked the receptionist in surprise:

“What? What's the problem?”

“Oh no, I just saw him alone, so I felt sorry for him.” She smiled, her face looking innocent.

I froze for a few seconds. How could she lie so easily without saying sorry.

“Nonsense!” I said in Vietnamese, waiting for her reaction. But no, she still smiled brightly, ignored me and went back to the elevator to work.

That is her problem, and also the problem of many others. When learning English, they forget about “etiquette” – cultural politeness of English speakers. I see many language centers only focus on vocabulary, grammar, IELTS,… And they do not have a clear curriculum on how to learn to speak according to English culture. They can learn English very well, have a very high TOIEC score, but if they talk to me without “etiquette”, I really lose interest and do not want to talk anymore.

Jesse Peterson