In rural areas of Nghe An province, giving money in an envelope is not required at weddings.

According to tradition, no gifts are accepted at a daughter's wedding.

In mid-January 2024, we met Mr. Hoang Thanh Do (54 years old) as he was preparing to attend a wedding of an acquaintance in the commune. Having served as the head of Trung Hau hamlet, Dien Van commune (Dien Chau district) for nearly 10 years, Mr. Do has a wide circle of acquaintances, so he frequently attends many weddings, especially during the wedding season at the end of the year. "Luckily, in this commune, guests don't have to give envelopes of money at most weddings. That eases the financial burden," Mr. Do said with a smile.

The custom of not giving envelopes of money at weddings has existed for a long time, not only in Dien Van commune but also in neighboring communes such as Dien Kim and Dien Bich. Over time, this custom has gradually undergone some changes. According to the elders here, in the past, whenever a wedding was held for their children, whether male or female, no gifts were accepted. Those attending the wedding usually brought drinks to share with the family, but absolutely no money or valuable gifts were brought. Around the early 1980s, due to the high cost of wedding feasts, the village allowed the groom's family to receive gifts, while the bride's family absolutely refused to accept any gifts.

The locals here believe that a daughter's marriage is a blessing and a blessing for her, so on the wedding day, they only invite a few close relatives and friends to share a celebratory drink. "Before a daughter gets married, the groom's family will come to the bride's family to present a dowry. The bride's family considers this money a blessing for their daughter's marriage and uses it to organize the wedding. Almost no one in the village accepts envelopes of money at their daughters' weddings," said Mr. Hoang Sy Hue (73 years old), residing in Yen Dong hamlet, Dien Van commune, explaining his reason for refusing wedding gifts at his two daughters' weddings a few years ago.

In reality, the dowry in this rural area is not large, ranging from 5 to 15 million VND, depending on the family's circumstances. That amount is not enough to cover the costs of a proper wedding; most expenses are still borne by the bride's family. With expenses incurred but little income received, most weddings in Dien Van commune are usually held internally, with few guests from afar invited to reduce the financial burden. Mr. Hue said that thanks to this custom, many families on the bride's side can hold a small wedding party for their children, close to relatives and friends, without facing criticism from friends and acquaintances from afar.

The custom of not accepting wedding gifts in envelopes for daughters once existed in many villages along the coastal area of ​​Dien Chau district. However, due to criticisms that it was a "preference for sons over daughters," causing disadvantage and economic burden for families with many daughters, many places decided to abandon it. In some areas, families with only daughters usually accept a wedding gift once to "receive blessings" from the village, while subsequent weddings are held simply and without receiving gifts. Some areas, such as Dien Van commune, have made some changes to better suit local customs.

According to Mr. Hoang Thien Long, Chairman of the People's Committee of Dien Van commune, nowadays, not only weddings at the bride's house but also many weddings at the groom's house do not accept wedding gifts in envelopes. "Nowadays, many people organizing weddings for their children usually only invite a large number of guests and accept wedding gifts once, regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl. Even if a family has three sons, they only invite a large number of guests once, and don't accept envelopes for subsequent weddings. Besides weddings, people in Dien Van commune now rarely hold housewarming parties; if they do, they only prepare a few meals to invite close relatives," Mr. Long said.

Wedding without invitations

Like most families in Dien Van commune, Mr. Hoang Thanh Do followed the traditional customs when organizing weddings for his two children. For his son's wedding, Mr. Do prepared 50 tables of food, with 500 guests in attendance. He accepted wedding gifts in envelopes from guests for this occasion. However, for his eldest daughter's wedding, which had previously consisted of 40 tables of food, Mr. Do did not accept any wedding gifts.

"In our Trung Hau hamlet alone, over 90% of households adhere to this custom. The rest, for various reasons, mostly because their children work far away, we understand their situation," Mr. Do said.

Like other families, Mr. Do spends very little on wedding invitations for his children, as most people attend on their own initiative. “For my son’s wedding, there were 500 guests, but I only sent out about 100 invitations beforehand. These included close relatives to show respect and friends from afar, because I was afraid they wouldn’t know. As for guests from the village, they came without being invited. Some came out of affection, others because I used to attend family gatherings, and now they’re coming back,” Mr. Do recounted.

Furthermore, according to Mr. Do, most weddings here are not held at restaurants; the families prepare the food themselves. On the wedding day, relatives and acquaintances voluntarily come to help, each lending a hand. “Because weddings don’t send out invitations, it’s difficult to predict the number of guests attending and prepare enough food; having too many or too few dishes is a common occurrence. However, whenever we see more guests than expected, everyone pitches in to prepare extra dishes. Food is readily available, so it doesn’t take much time. And if there’s any leftover, the children and grandchildren take care of it, so there’s nothing to worry about,” Mr. Do said with a smile.

Similarly to the residents of Trung Hau hamlet, Mrs. Tran Thi Loan (70 years old), from Yen Dong hamlet, said that her family has held five weddings for their children (three sons and two daughters), but only once received wedding gifts in envelopes at the wedding of her eldest son. For subsequent weddings, whether for sons or daughters, Mrs. Loan and her husband did not accept money. Having decided this, Mrs. Loan never prepared a box for envelopes at any of the weddings, but many guests from far away, unaware of this custom, still tried to slip money into her and her husband's pockets.

Refusing to accept wedding gifts at her two daughters' weddings, Mrs. Vu Thi Lien (70 years old) said she "didn't feel disadvantaged." By not accepting money, her daughters' weddings were limited to 20 tables, inviting close relatives and neighbors to share in the joy. "If we accepted wedding gifts and then held a lavish wedding with hundreds of tables, it would be more tiring and costly. By not accepting money, we won't have to worry about how much to give at other weddings in the village in the future," Mrs. Lien said with a smile.

Nearly 10 years ago, when she was a final-year student in Hanoi, Pham Thi Hang (32 years old) from Dien Van commune was often urged by friends to get married, saying, "You don't have to send envelopes of money to your wedding, right? So we can have a free meal." Each time, Hang would just laugh and say, "That's right. But I don't accept envelopes, so you don't have to give gifts back when you get married." For Hang, the custom of not accepting envelopes of money at weddings is a beautiful tradition, helping many people feel less burdened during wedding season.

Dien Van commune has 6 hamlets, with approximately 9,000 inhabitants, living along the riverbank. The commune's name is derived from the last section of the Bung River before it flows into the sea - Lach Van. Previously, the people of Dien Van largely relied on salt production and grilled fish, leading to a rather difficult life. In recent years, thanks to overseas labor export, the people's living standards have gradually improved.

According to Mr. Hoang Thien Long, currently over 80% of households in the commune adhere to this custom whenever they hold a wedding. “Changing this custom makes things more civilized. Each family only receives envelopes of money once for a wedding. Whether you have many children or few, boys or girls, depending on the circumstances, some families with better financial conditions may hold grand and joyful weddings without receiving envelopes. Families with more difficult circumstances may hold smaller, more intimate weddings with fewer dishes to save money,” said the Chairman of the People's Committee of Dien Van commune.