"We are raising a generation of children who are more pampered, coddled, and closely supervised than ever before," writes Carl Honoré, author of "Childhood Found," a bestseller in the Slow Parenting movement.
"Your job isn't to wash dishes or sweep the house. It's 7 o'clock, sit down and study!"; "Your parents decided this because it's for your own good. Don't try to be smarter than the chicken"; "Buying a car is mainly to take you to school. We borrowed hundreds of millions of dong, but you need to know that you should focus on your studies and become successful"; "Have you taken your vitamins on time? Don't you feel bad about being shorter than your friends?"
Does that sound familiar? Those very ordinary words are uttered daily, hourly, by many parents to their children. Words filled with love and concern, but also containing immense pressure. "You must be tall, you must be good at school, you must get into the advanced class, you must get into university… You mustn't date this person, you mustn't choose to study singing, you mustn't wear black clothes, you mustn't cut your hair short…" A thousand and one things you must and mustn't do. Parents say these things because they love and care for their children, not for anyone else! Parents say these things because they themselves grew up with similar admonitions from their grandparents: "We're worried about you, that's why we say and do these things. If you dare to do otherwise, you'll suffer, and you'll have to bear the consequences!"
Do parents ever consider how that misguided love has unconsciously become a terrible burden for their child?
Many children today are still measured by societal norms. "That child is so well-behaved!", "Your son is so smart!" – That seems enough to make parents happy that their child is recognized. While in school, a child's success is measured by certificates of merit and awards from competitions. As they grow up, a child is considered successful if they have a stable job, a high income, and get married at the right age. These tangible measures seem to bring peace of mind and relief to parents. Few measure success by intangible indicators, such as happiness or passion…
Many parents can't even remember the last time their children played outdoors, because when they get home, their first concern is whether their children have finished their homework. Are we raising a generation that grows up fearing failure, weighed down by unrealistic expectations? Many parents today aspire for their children to grow up to be greats and geniuses. Bookstores are full of books on parenting, with catchy titles; cartoons feature superheroes with superhuman intelligence or strength; television shows are filled with intellectual games, crowned winners… But how many greats are there in this world? And even if there were, where would we go if everyone were a genius, everyone a superhero?
Accepting your child for who they are, with all their strengths and weaknesses; listening and respecting them, encouraging and guiding them—these are the things many children long for. Accept that your child has many abilities, interests, and paths to growth. Life doesn't end even if your child doesn't achieve academic success or become someone important as you hoped. And above all, please understand that love is a gift, not a burden. The gentle, patient, and forgiving gift of love will free your child from unnecessary pressure, allowing them to live their passions and find complete happiness as they wish.
Article by: Phuoc Anh
Illustrative image: Archival material
