“We are raising the most pampered, pampered, and closely monitored generation of children ever,” writes Carl Honoré, author of “Found Childhood,” one of the best sellers in the Slow Parenting movement.
“Your job is not to wash dishes or sweep the floor. It’s 7 o’clock, go sit at your desk and study!”; “Your parents decided that for your own good. Don’t pretend to be smarter than a duck”; “Buying a car is mainly to take you to school, your parents can borrow a few hundred million, but you have to know how to focus on your studies”; “Have you taken your vitamins on time? Are you ugly when you’re shorter than your friends?”
Do you feel familiar? Those very normal words are still uttered by many fathers and mothers every day, every hour. The words are filled with love and concern, but also contain a lot of heavy pressure. You have to be tall, you have to study well, you have to be in a gifted class, you have to pass the university entrance exam... You cannot love this person, you cannot choose to study singing, you cannot wear black, you cannot cut your hair short... 1,001 things you must and you cannot do, parents say that because they love you, care for you, not for anyone else! Parents say that because they themselves grew up with the same teachings of their grandparents: We care for you, so we say that, do that. If you dare to do otherwise, you will suffer, you will suffer!
Have parents ever thought that this wrong love has unconsciously become a terrible burden for their children?
Many children today are still being measured by the common standards of society. “He is a good boy!”, “Your son is a good student!” – That seems to be enough for parents to be happy because their children are recognized by everyone. When they are still in school, their success is measured by certificates of merit, awards… in competitions. When they grow up, they are considered successful if they have a stable job, high income, and get married at the right age. Those tangible measures seem to bring peace of mind and a sigh of relief to their parents. Rarely does anyone measure success by invisible indicators, such as happiness, passion…
I bet many parents can’t remember the last time their children played outside, because when they come home, the first thing they care about is whether their children have finished their homework. Are we raising a generation that grows up with the fear of failure, weighed down by excessive expectations? Many parents today have the desire for their children to grow up to be great people, geniuses. Go to the bookstore, there are countless books on parenting, with really “catchy” titles; watch cartoons with superheroes with super intelligence or strength; TV shows feature many intellectual games, with crowns for the winners… But how many great people does this world have; and even if there were, where would it go if everyone was a genius, everyone was a superhero?
Accepting your child as he or she is, with all his or her strengths and weaknesses; listening and respecting, encouraging and guiding is something that many children wish to do. Accepting that your child has many abilities, interests and many paths to maturity. Life does not end even if your child does not pass exams or become this or that as you wish. And most of all, please understand that love is always a gift, not a burden. The gift of gentle, patient and tolerant love will free your child from unnecessary pressure, so that he or she can live with passion and complete happiness as he or she wishes.
Article: Phuoc Anh
Illustration: Document
