Now, looking back on my nearly 40 years of life, I sometimes regret having accepted many wrong opportunities – things that wouldn't have happened if I had been brave enough to say "No"! "Yes" and "No" are symbolic answers to choices. In this world, saying "Yes" is easy, going along with the crowd is easy; but saying "No" is not. Saying "No" requires great wisdom and courage.
For 12 years of high school, I was a student in a specialized class. Needless to say, my parents were incredibly proud of my academic achievements and exam results. That pride stemmed from their belief that they were on the right track in pushing me, setting standards, and charting a course for me throughout my journey to adulthood. Throughout those years, I naively believed what I was taught: "Your parents are doing this for your own good!", "Your teachers are right, you need to attend extra classes!", "You won't excel in the humanities subjects, focus on the science subjects!", "The careers you like are only temporary, just listen to your parents, you must pursue this major..." Living under such "soft control" both at home and at school, I felt that for many years, the only thing my brain did besides studying was unconsciously agree with everything my parents and teachers told me to do. I rarely say "No," rarely refuse or argue about anything. Sometimes I get annoyed by things not going my way, but I always compromise because I'm afraid of being different, afraid of offending others, or disappointing my parents. I think, "Ah, what my parents and teachers say is obviously right. The truth belongs to the adults, to the crowd."
During my university and postgraduate studies, and especially during professional training courses with foreign colleagues, I realized how confused and inadequate I had been because for so long I had only been comfortable with the answer "Yes." Easily agreeing in every situation caused my brain to neglect critical thinking, questioning, and the ability to consider and filter options. More dangerously, from personal experience, I realized that I seemed to have lost my creativity and decisive courage in both my work and life. Everything only broke down one day five years ago, when my company assigned me to a multinational project with many foreign colleagues. The German strategist called me into his office. He said: "I am very sorry to have to make the decision that you will have to leave the team. We need creativity and innovation, we need people who constantly ask questions to find flaws in the solutions." And he spent another 30 minutes talking to me about the right to refuse, the right to object, the right to question, the right to ask questions – things he considered essential rights and skills of an independent adult.
That brief conversation years ago steered my life in a different direction. I asked myself many questions: Do I really want this job? Do I really love this job? Will I be worse off if I leave this job? And I listened to my heart. It said "No." Giving up eight years of a monotonous, repetitive job that offered little value for personal growth beyond a stable salary, I entered a new job that my parents constantly complained was absurd and that no one else was so unconventional, yet I had never felt so completely happy.
Lately, more and more friends have been seeking my advice. These friends, who share the same family and school upbringing, face similar dilemmas, not only in their careers but also in their marriages and family lives. Some choose the wrong spouse, marrying based on parental guidance and fleeting emotions. Others choose the wrong career, blindly selecting a "hot" field based on social rumors without ever truly asking themselves what they like or want. Still others choose the wrong path in life, spending their entire lives aimlessly. Of course, for everyone, life is a great learning experience; we all grow through countless mistakes and trials. However, I wish that I and everyone else could have learned to say "No" sooner, even within our families and schools. Because ultimately, when we accept the lessons of a chaotic life, we inevitably pay a heavy price!
