Every exam season, I feel really sorry for the students in my country.
The press and social networks are bustling with news about this student being the valedictorian, the whole class of that student getting into a good school, getting so many foreign scholarships; the scores my child got are all hot topics at the drinking tables of fathers and morning exercise groups of mothers.
On the other hand, some children run away – their families frantically search for them, and in many cases, no matter how much they regret, parents can never “find” their “foolish” children again.
We are often quick to blame children for being "foolish", but have we ever calmly and fairly looked at the situation to see that the greatest foolishness actually comes from the adult world?
If child A gets a few scholarships, passes the entrance exams to 4-5 top schools… that’s great, congratulations for the child and his family’s efforts; but that should only be limited to the joy of one family, and everything should be just enough. By unnecessarily exaggerating small joys, the joy of this family will sow the seeds of suffering for many other families. That vicious cycle never ends, one exam season after another.
In other countries, try searching Google and see how many articles there are about how many points a student got, and which school he was the valedictorian of. The “other people’s children” formula has hurt many generations of students and made this society very tired. Parents are always noisy because they are upset with the year-round reforms of the education sector, but I think, in Vietnam, what needs reforming the most is the mindset of the majority of parents.
Well, so what if I fail?
What does an exam say about a person's life?
Do people study to live a happy life, or do they have to give up a normal, happy life just to study and become debtors of exams?
I am so grateful to my father for giving me a very kind and generous answer to my early question:
“Dad, what if I don't succeed in the future?
“It’s okay, as long as you live a decent and happy life, my child. There are only a few outstanding people in this world, the majority are ordinary people, they are still living well.” And from then on, I was able to release all the pressure, I studied for myself, and within my capacity, pursued my own dreams and path. On that path, my father and late mother were just humble spectators standing from afar, waving their hands in encouragement, and that was all.
The fault is not in the exams, but in the way we perceive and think about exams that is the source of suffering for children and many families.
Treat exams in the most natural and normal way; it is as simple as planting a tree in the garden, it will flower and bear fruit, if not this season then next season. Don't be angry because your tree has not bloomed in the middle of a forest of flowers and reject or blame it. A young tree, not yet through the storms of life, at that moment, more than ever needs sympathy and listening, from its own family and should never be used as an object of comparison.
At the university where I teach, there is a very humane program that I really like, called “Who is Waiting for the Lotus Pond” by a group of young teachers, non-profit. No matter what problems the students are having, difficult to talk about… there will always be a “Lotus Pond” of teachers there to listen and give advice (if possible). Just that listening alone is more than enough, because the students will know that even in the most difficult times, they will always find a “Pinkie” for themselves (Pinkie is the name of a sweet orange tree in the story “My Sweet Orange Tree” – a close friend who holds all the confidences of the boy Zeze. Pinkie does nothing, it just listens). When pain and sadness are recognized and listened to, it means that they have been largely resolved.
Are we teaching our children about “Happiness” wrongly? Most people think that happiness is “Yes”: having a house, a car, a beautiful wife, smart children, a good job, a slot in a good school… but few people think that happiness can sometimes be “No”: no illness, no worries, no pressure, no loss of freedom, no need to run in useless races to pursue expectations… Who is this article for, for the children who are forgotten every exam season, or for the adults who are lost in the forest of expectations and forget the way back to their ideas?
Let's leave our future generations with the warm sympathy of happy and tolerant adults.
Article: Hoang Huy
Illustration: Document
