Musings on the wedding season

(Baonghean) - A person's life has important milestones that everyone must go through: "buying a buffalo, asking for a wife, building a house." One might think that "buying a buffalo" and "building a house" completely depend on each family's economic situation, meaning those with more money can buy beautiful buffaloes and build big houses. However, the same applies to "asking for a wife." When wedding season arrives, being invited to wedding feasts, witnessing the wedding day of couples, brings back memories of weddings of the past...

This wedding

Undeniably, a wedding day is the most sacred and important day in a person's life. On that day, not only is the whole family joyful, but the entire extended family rejoices because the son has grown up and is going to marry into another family, and the daughter has matured enough to take on the responsibility of being a daughter-in-law and managing important affairs. Therefore, it is only natural for parents to worry about how to organize a perfect wedding for their children, who the guests should be, whether to book a restaurant or a hotel, whether to hold the ceremony at the village cultural center or in their hometown…

Mr. Le Xuan Tam from Nam Xuan, Nam Dan – who recently held a wedding for his eldest and only son – said: Before organizing the wedding, he and his wife thought about it a lot. If they invited all their friends and relatives, near and far, from the village and neighborhood, it would have been nearly 100 tables. Living in the countryside, "the land has its customs, the village has its traditions," he thought. "If other people invite us to their children's weddings, it would be inappropriate not to invite everyone. Then he discussed it with his wife: 'As cultural officials, we spend all day promoting the new, simple, and economical wedding style. Should we invite everyone to our son's wedding? People will look at us and gossip, and then who will we be able to promote it to?' Initially, his wife didn't agree, but in the end, they agreed to keep it simple, mainly inviting close relatives and those who were truly close.

After the wedding, some people asked him why his eldest son's wedding was so simple, but he just smiled... Although the government promotes weddings according to the new lifestyle, stipulating that each family should only have 30-50 tables, few people actually follow that. To give an example, in his hometown of Nam Xuan, people consider weddings – the happiest event of a lifetime – to be very large: at least 100 tables, and some even 150-200. The number of guests invited depends on the family's circumstances and relationships. Many families who have held large weddings in the city still prepare hundreds of tables when they return to their hometown for what they call a celebratory gathering.

Weddings today are lavish and expensive.

Mr. Le Quyet Thang, a cultural officer in Hung Dao commune, Hung Nguyen district, who recently held a wedding for his eldest daughter, said: "Because my daughter went abroad for work and got married there, my wife and I only held a small celebration at home, a gathering to announce the good news to neighbors and both families. Due to increasingly better economic conditions, most families now invite a large number of people to their weddings; almost every wedding invites the whole village, the daughter's friends, the father's friends, the mother's friends... But weddings nowadays, while grand, still lack warmth because everything is outsourced: from tables and chairs, dishes and chopsticks, cooking, setting up tents, bride and groom's clothes... family and neighbors who want to help with the wedding have nothing to do. It's nothing like the old days..."

In the city, hotels and restaurants are currently offering numerous wedding-related promotions. For example, Huu Nghi Hotel is offering a discount of 1,500,000 VND for weddings with 200 guests or more; 2,500,000 VND for weddings with 300 guests or more; and 3,500,000 VND for weddings with 400 guests or more…

Mr. Vo An Huy – Deputy Director of Saigon – Kim Lien Hotel, said: In the countryside, weddings are usually held with catering services at home, while in the city, most families book through hotels. Capitalizing on this trend, in recent years, during wedding season, in addition to promotional offers, hotel staff also act as MCs, scriptwriters, arrange orchestras, and provide decorations… according to each family's requirements. On the wedding day, families only need to arrive on time, and the hotel takes care of everything else, saving both families the trouble. However, it cannot be denied that weddings today are more beautiful and extravagant, but they lack the warmth and affection of weddings in the past…

Remembering old weddings

Mr. Le Quyet Thang recounted: "In the old days, the wedding procession in my village (Hamlet 3, Hung Dao) had to take place at night, so that if the bride cried on her wedding day, she wouldn't be embarrassed in front of her neighbors and friends. Back then, the wedding procession started at 7:30 PM, followed by a sweets party with candy, green tea, cigarettes, betel nuts, etc., in the groom's yard until around 9 PM. The role of the youth union was very important; they organized every wedding: from borrowing tables and chairs, setting up the wedding tent, receiving guests, decorating the wedding bed… The family took care of the cooking and shopping, with clear assignments: the women prepared betel nuts, the sisters and mothers went to the market, the elders supervised any unfinished tasks… and the young men took care of slaughtering pigs from the afternoon before to ensure they were ready in time for making sausages and meatballs… everyone pitched in, and the whole village was as joyful as during Tet (Vietnamese New Year)."

A traditional wedding. Photo: Internet

As for Mrs. Nguyen Thi Sam (65 years old) from Nam Thanh, Nam Dan, she recounted: "Weddings in the past were much more modest than they are now, but they were joyful and full of affection. I got married in 1977, right after peace was restored. I was a volunteer youth worker, and later I studied at Hanoi Foreign Language University. Because I was getting married and studying at the same time, the wedding was held during the summer in my husband's hometown of Nam Nghia (Nam Dan). Both families were poor, so neighbors, relatives, and the youth group helped with almost everything. Even my wedding dress was bought and given to me by the youth group. The wedding tent was made of colorful curtains gathered from friends and families, the tables and chairs were borrowed… and we didn't even have a wedding photo… Yet, my husband and I still live happily and healthily together."

Comparing traditional weddings to modern ones is an unfair comparison, because the country has undergone decades of reform, is on the path of integration and development, with every family striving for economic growth and everyone competing for academic success. Therefore, there's no reason why old customs and traditions shouldn't change. However, no matter how much things change, let's not forget: we are Vietnamese descendants, and we must preserve our Vietnamese cultural identity. While a wedding day is a joyous occasion, how to make it joyful, healthy, safe, and economical is a matter worth discussing. This is also a concern for cultural officials in promoting weddings according to modern customs. Because weddings are private family matters, each family has its own relationships and specific work practices, reaching a consensus is a significant challenge.

Another wedding season is upon us, and I think that before the wedding day, families should carefully consider and plan how to avoid gossip after the wedding, because the most important thing about a wedding is that "the bride and groom live happily together until they grow old."

Thanh Hien