"Sad lullaby" on the deserted village

(Baonghean) - Lying in the house of the village chief Lau Nhia Xong, Nam Khien village (Nam Can, Ky Son), I heard the sad lullaby of a Mong woman. The lullaby was still very young, but it sounded so sad, it weighed down our hearts with a feeling of desolation and resentment.

Seeing my curiosity, the village chief Lau Nhia Xong turned to say: “That is Lau Ba Dia’s wife. Poor family, young couple but don’t know how to make a living or take care of their children.” We asked him if this was a young married couple like many other couples in this mountainous area? He nodded in confirmation. He asked if we wanted to go to Dia’s house to see the life of the young couple who already had 3 children. Having said that, he stood up and we followed him.

Lau Ba Dia's house is a dilapidated house surrounded by simple planks. The most valuable thing in the family is probably an old TV. Seeing us enter, Lau Ba Dia brought out a jar of wine to invite us. Dia has a small figure, his face shows hardship. When we asked about his family, Dia seemed embarrassed. It seemed like he did not want to mention the frivolity of his life. However, when we had a cup of wine and exchanged pleasantries, he poured out his heart, as if he was waiting for a confession. According to that story, we know that Lau Ba Dia was born in 1988 and has been married for 10 years. His wife is Ha Y My, from Tay Son commune, 1 year younger than him. The two met each other while throwing po po during Tet. Their feelings came quickly, after only a few days of knowing each other, the couple planned to get married. When we got married, we didn’t have time to think about how we would live, we just knew that if we liked it, we would live together. Once we were husband and wife, we saw how many worries we had ahead of us. Both families were poor, and there was almost no support. We struggled with the fields all day long but still couldn’t escape a life of poverty.

Ha Y My's family

At 26 years old, Ha Y My is already a mother of 3 children, the oldest is in 2nd grade, the youngest is just over 1 year old. Life is already so hard, and the children are often sick. Many days when the child is sick with a fever, the couple just sits and looks at each other and calls their parents to take care of them. Sitting holding the child in the corner of the house, Y My occasionally turns to join in the conversation with us: "Sometimes I feel so bored, seeing myself so poor but not knowing what to do to eat. Knowing that, don't get married early." Y My's words sound full of tears. The child occasionally cries so hard that the mother has to pat and sing a lullaby. Y My's face, like her husband's, is marked with worries and hardships. At Y My's age, many friends are not married yet, but she already has 3 children.

Early in the morning, we left the house of the village chief Lau Nhia Xong, going up to Lien Son village. In this village, we met Va Y Chi's family. This is also the family of a very young couple. And Y Chi, a Mong girl, on Tet 2008, was studying in grade 7 at Nam Can Secondary School. That Tet, she followed her friends to throw po po and met a boy named Mua Ba Sua in Luong Minh commune (Tuong Duong). Having feelings for each other, Y Chi agreed to let Sua "capture" her to be his wife. At that time, Y Chi was only 13 years old. Meeting us, Y Chi was sad when remembering her student life. She said: “That day, when I let Ba Sua force me to marry him, I told him that after the wedding I would still go to school like my friends and my husband agreed. But then, after 2 days of marriage, when I went to school, everyone looked at me with strange eyes. I was embarrassed and my husband's housework was so messy that I had to drop out of school to follow my husband to the fields. Sometimes I couldn't even take care of myself, let alone take care of my husband's family.” Looking at the young mother sitting and hugging her child, I felt more pitiful than blameworthy. Mr. Va Giong Chua - Y Chi's father told us more: “When the two of them brought each other home to ask for marriage, my family advised them, but they kept threatening that if they weren't allowed to get married, they would eat poison ivy to commit suicide. As parents, who can bear to see their children like that, we had to indulge them, guys.”

We asked about the procedures for marriage registration and the State's regulations on marriage and family. Y Chi said: "At that time, we did not register because we were not old enough. We had to wait until we were old enough to go to the Commune People's Committee to do the procedures. I also knew that what I did was against the law, but that's how it is here. Once we like each other and become wives according to Mong customs, we cannot do it again." Fortunately, Y Chi's husband later went to school to learn the profession of electronic repair, so life was somewhat less difficult. The life of working from dawn to dusk on the fields was too heavy a burden for her. She said that all her friends now go to school and have a profession, so they don't have to worry about family or children. Her eyes looked far away in the remote mountains and forests as if to remember a past of her student days that can never return.

The boys participate in throwing po po to "catch wives" at a very young age.

We continued to Tham Hin village following the instructions of the people, where Va Ba Tru had just finished his wedding. We met Tru and his wife preparing tools to go to the fields. Before Tet, Tru was still a 10th grade student at Ky Son Ethnic Minority High School. After meeting Xong Y Nhia in Na Cang village (Na Ngoi commune), the passionate feelings of school age "won" over his dreams on the path of studying. The two became husband and wife when they were just over 15 years old, amid the worries of both families and the questions of their peers. Perhaps now, having just gotten married and living with their parents, this young couple could not understand the immediate worries of family life. I asked Tru: "Why don't you continue studying but go back home to get married, at such a young age, don't people say anything?" She innocently said: “We’re going to get married anyway, if we don’t make her our wife, someone else will take her away. Everyone says I shouldn’t get married now, but it’s okay, I’m still normal after getting married…”.

Asked Mr. Lo Kham Phu - Principal of Nam Can Secondary School, he said: "The practice of students getting married early has been greatly limited, but it is not impossible. The school has made great efforts to educate and focus on training life skills for students. But every time after Tet, there are female students who drop out of school to follow their husbands."

Saying goodbye to the people of Nam Can commune, leaving behind the sad lullabies of the young fathers and mothers in their teenage years, we carried with us a haunting, haunting feeling. When will the sad lullabies in those quiet villages end?!

Dao Tho