Tips for getting children to listen without using corporal punishment.

Boom, 4 years old, is energetic and quite stubborn. His mother, Minh Tam, used to have a hard time teaching him to be obedient, but now it's much easier.

Below is a sharing from Ms. Minh Tam, 34 years old, who works in the media field in Ho Chi Minh City, about the secret to getting children to obey.

No "lecturing" or preaching.

Previously, whenever Boom whined and demanded snacks, toys, etc., I would endlessly explain how hard his parents worked to earn enough money to buy him milk, biscuits, and toys. Buying him these toys would mean we'd run out of money for the electricity bill and risk having our power cut off.

At that moment, Boom seemed to be listening but didn't quite understand. Soon after, he started asking his mother to buy him toys and candy again.

Boom and his sister - Photo: Provided by the interviewee

Now, I tried a different approach, and a miracle happened. "Listen, honey. Uncle Tư's son, Bi, is sick. He's not getting enough milk. We could skip buying this toy and save the money to buy milk for Bi instead. What do you think?" Boom happily replied, "Yes, that's fine." So, the child understood that helping others was better than buying toys.

At that time, of course, I still gave Bi a box of milk and a few candies. I said to my son, "If we love, care for, and share with each other, we will all be happy together, my dear." Boom's eyes sparkled as if he understood what his mother said, and he smiled, "Mom, tomorrow I won't buy any more toys. You save the money so that when Gate and Bill are sick, you and I can buy them candy and milk, okay?" I was overjoyed and asked him, "If Mom or Dad are sick, will you buy milk for them?" "Yes, of course," my son quickly replied.

I've found that the method of "complaining" to children is ineffective. Instead, guiding them towards small acts of kindness in life, towards the people they interact with regularly, will make them listen, understand, and consequently, be more obedient.

Speak kind and sweet words to your child.

That day, Boom was upset about having to go to school after a two-day weekend break. Boom woke up on time but refused to brush his teeth or wash his face. He whined, lay sprawled on the floor, and said, "Mom, just let me have one more day off, I'll go to school tomorrow."

My husband angrily shouted, "Get up, wash your face, and go to school, or I'll get the cane!" Boom didn't seem afraid of the threat and continued to cry and throw a tantrum.

I was also very annoyed knowing I would be late for work because of my child's behavior. In previous instances, my husband and I would get frustrated and yell at our child, threaten to hit him... but he still cooperated. After doing that so many times, I felt it wasn't right, like I hadn't convinced him yet.

But that day, I held Boom in my arms and gently said to her, "My love, both Mommy and Daddy are going to be late for work, and you'll be late for school too. We won't be allowed into the office or the classroom because we'll be late. I believe you're a very good child, and you'll be the most punctual in your class on this first day of the week. If we're both good, the teacher will praise us, what do you think?"

Soon after, Boom happily wiped away her tears and said, "In my class, the naughty kids won't get ice cream from the teacher. Mom, take me to school, and remember to tell the teacher that I'm well-behaved and on time. Then she'll let me have ice cream." I happily replied, "Okay, darling, let's hurry." Then the whole family went to school and work together, happily.

I've noticed that sometimes threats and corporal punishment are ineffective, or even if effective, they don't convince my children. Using loving words of encouragement and guiding them towards positive goals—being a good child, going to school on time, etc.—they usually cooperate happily.

Furthermore, I also follow the advice of education experts: to raise well-behaved children without corporal punishment, it's necessary to communicate and play with them regularly, remain calm when they make mistakes, avoid yelling or scolding, ignore whining, and limit their TV and internet use, because the longer they sit in front of the TV or internet, the more stubborn they will become.

According to VNE