Tips to make your child obey without using a whip

Boom is 4 years old, hyperactive and quite stubborn. His mother, Minh Tam, used to have a headache teaching her child to obey, but now it is much easier.

Below is a share from Ms. Minh Tam, 34 years old, working in the media field in Ho Chi Minh City about the secret to making her children obedient.

No "lecture" or "preaching"

Before, every time Boom whined and asked for snacks, toys..., I would always say that it was very difficult for my parents to have enough money to buy milk, cakes, and toys for him. If we bought him these toys, it would mean that our family would not have enough money to pay the electricity bill and would be at risk of having the electricity cut off.

At that time, Boom's expression was that he seemed to hear but did not understand much. Immediately after that, he continued to ask his mother to buy him toys and candy.

Boom and his sister - Photo: NVCC

Now, I tried another method and a miracle happened. "Honey, let me tell you something. Uncle Tu's friend Bi is sick. He doesn't have enough milk to drink. Can we not buy this toy and save money to buy milk for Bi, is that okay?" Boom happily said: "Yes, okay". So the child realized that helping others is better than buying toys.

At that time, of course I still gave Bi a box of milk and some candies. I told him: "If we love, care for and share with each other, we will be happy together, my dear." Boom's eyes sparkled as if he understood what his mother said and he smiled: "Mom, tomorrow I will not buy any more toys. Mom, save money so that when Gate or Bill get sick, you and I can buy them candies and milk, okay?" I was so happy that I asked my son: "If Mom or Dad gets sick, will you buy milk for Mom and Dad?" "Yes," my son quickly said.

I have found that the method of “complaining” to children is ineffective. Instead, guide children to small behaviors in life, with the people they often come into contact with, then children will listen, understand, and from there will also be more obedient.

Say sweet, kind words to your child

That day, Boom was upset because he had to go to school after two days off on the weekend. Boom still woke up on time but refused to brush his teeth or wash his face. Boom whined, lay on the floor and said: “Mom, let me have another day off today, I’ll go to school tomorrow.”

My husband angrily shouted: "Get up, wash your face and go to school, or I will take the cane." Boom seemed unafraid of the threat and continued to cry and throw a tantrum.

I was also very upset because I knew I would be late for work when my child was like that. The previous times, my husband and I were so angry that we yelled at our child, threatened him with a stick... but he still cooperated. Doing that many times, I felt it was not right for my child, I felt like I had not convinced him.

But that day, I held Boom in my arms and said softly to him: “Honey, your father and I are both going to be late for work, and you will be late for school too. We will not be allowed to enter the company or class because we are late. I believe that you are a very good child, and you will be the most punctual in class on the first day of the week today. If we are both good, we will be praised by the teacher, what do you think?”

Immediately after that, Boom happily wiped away his tears and said: "In my class, if you are not good, the teacher will not give you ice cream. Mom will take you to school, and remember to tell the teacher that you are good and come to school on time. She will give you ice cream." I happily said: "Okay, honey, let's hurry up." After that, the whole family happily went to school and work together.

I realize that there are times when threats and beatings are ineffective, or effective but do not convince my children. Using loving words and guiding them to better goals: being a good boy, going to school on time…, children often cooperate happily.

In addition, I also listen to educational experts, to teach children to be good without using whips, you need to regularly communicate and play with your children, stay calm when your children make mistakes, do not yell or scold your children, ignore them when they whine, and limit letting your children watch too much TV or the internet, because the longer they sit in front of TV or the internet, the more stubborn they will become.

According to VNE