Tips to make your child obey without using the rod

Boom is 4 years old, hyperactive and quite stubborn. His mother, Minh Tam, used to have a headache teaching her child to obey, but now it is much easier.

Below is the sharing of Ms. Minh Tam, 34 years old, working in the media field in Ho Chi Minh City about the secret to making her children obedient.

No "lecture" or "preaching"

Before, every time Boom whined and asked for snacks, toys..., I would talk endlessly about how hard it was for us to have enough money to buy milk, cakes, and toys for our child. If we bought him these toys, it would mean that our family would not have enough money to pay the electricity bill and would be at risk of having the electricity cut off.

At that time, Boom's expression was that he seemed to hear but didn't understand much. Immediately after that, he continued to ask his mother to buy him toys and candy.

Boom and his sister - Photo: NVCC

Now, I tried another method and a miracle happened. "Honey, let me tell you. Uncle Tu's friend Bi is sick. He doesn't have enough milk to drink. Can we not buy this toy and save money to buy milk for Bi, is that okay?" Boom happily said: "Yes, okay". So the child realized that helping others is better than buying toys.

At that time, of course I still gave Bi a box of milk and some candies. I told him: "If we love, care for and share with each other, we will be happy together, my dear". Boom's eyes sparkled as if he understood what his mother said and he smiled: "Mom, tomorrow I won't buy any more toys. Mom, save money so that when Gate or Bill get sick, you and I can buy them candies and milk, okay mom?" I was so happy that I asked my son: "If mom or dad gets sick, will you buy milk for mom and dad?" "Yes," my son quickly replied.

I have found that the method of “telling my child about his/her suffering” is ineffective. Instead, guide your child to small behaviors in life, with the people he/she often comes into contact with, then he/she will listen, understand, and from there be more obedient.

Say sweet words to your child.

That day, Boom was upset because he had to go to school after two days off on the weekend. Boom still woke up on time but refused to brush his teeth or wash his face. Boom whined, lay down on the floor and said: “Mom, let me have another day off today, I’ll go to school tomorrow.”

My husband angrily shouted: "Get up, wash your face and go to school, or I will whip you." Boom seemed unafraid of the threat and continued to cry and throw tantrums.

I was also very upset because I knew I would be late for work when my child was like that. The previous times, my husband and I were just angry and yelled at our child, threatened him with a stick... but he still cooperated. Doing that many times, I felt it was not right for my child, I felt like I had not convinced him.

But that day, I held Boom in my arms and said to him softly: “Honey, mom and dad are both going to be late for work, and you’re going to be late for school too. We won’t be allowed to go to the company or class because we’re late. Mom believes that you’re a very good kid, and you’ll be the most punctual in class on the first day of the week today. If we’re both good, we’ll be praised by the teacher, what do you think?”

Immediately after that, Boom happily wiped away his tears and said: "In my class, if you are not good, the teacher will not give you ice cream. Mom will take you to school, and remember to tell the teacher that you are good and come to school on time. She will give you ice cream." I happily said: "Okay, honey, let's hurry up." After that, the whole family happily went to school and work together.

I realize that there are times when threats and beatings are ineffective, or effective but not convincing to my children. Using loving words of comfort and guiding children to better goals: being a good boy, going to school on time…, children often happily cooperate.

In addition, I also listen to educational experts, to teach children to be good without using whips, you need to regularly communicate and play with your children, stay calm when your children make mistakes, do not yell or scold your children, ignore them when they whine, and limit letting your children watch too much TV or the internet, because the longer they sit in front of TV or the internet, the more stubborn they will become.

According to VNE