Having healthy arguments often can strengthen a marriage.
A survey of nearly 1,000 adults revealed that couples who frequently argue stay together 10 times longer than others.
Constant arguments in marriage? You're lucky!
Joseph Grenny, co-author of Cruail Conversations, told The Guardian: "Many couples mistakenly believe that avoiding arguments about sensitive issues means avoiding quarrels altogether, and that this will be better for their relationship."
"But the biggest mistake couples make is avoiding it," he explained.
"We feel something but don't say it, at least not until we can't bear it anymore. So we wait until we're sure to discuss it. We tend to avoid these conversations because we're aware of the risks of speaking out, but don't give a second thought to the risks of remaining silent," Grenny says.
"We tend to only consider the immediate and obvious risks without taking into account the long-term conditions for intimacy, connection, and trust," the researcher added.
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The success of a relationship is determined by how sensitive issues are discussed. (Illustrative image.) |
Shocking revelations in the survey.
Researchers have found that arguing regularly in a marriage actually helps couples resolve any misunderstandings. In contrast, couples who don't argue often end up with resentment.
Nearly 4 out of 5 people surveyed said that poor communication had ruined their past relationships.
- Less than one-fifth believe they don't blame themselves for failures in conversations or relationships.
The three most difficult topics—and often the ones that lead to arguments—include sex, annoying habits, and finances.
Grenny added that he found one of the biggest "unconscious" mistakes couples are making is "not taking responsibility for their emotions."
The secret to a happy marriage: The constant debate?
Grenny believes that. "The success of a relationship is determined by how sensitive issues are discussed," he says.
"True love works. Genuine intimacy isn't just about love, it's about truth. And important conversations are the means to bring the truth to fruition in a way that accelerates feelings of closeness, trust, and connection," the researcher added.
However, "healthy arguments" are not the only secret to a happy marriage. More than anything, harmony of souls is essential; you both need to be best friends.