'Healthy arguments' will help marriage last longer

Arguing all the time in marriage? Lucky you!

“Many couples mistakenly believe that avoiding discussions about sensitive issues means avoiding arguments, which in turn, will be better for their relationship,” Joseph Grenny, co-author of Cruail Coversation, told The Guardian.

“But the biggest mistake couples make is avoidance,” he explains.

“We feel something but don’t say it, at least until we can’t bear it anymore. So we wait until we’re sure to discuss it. We tend to avoid these conversations because we’re conscious of the risks of speaking up, but we’re not conscious of the risks of staying silent,” Grenny says.

“We tend to only consider the immediate and obvious risks without considering the long-term conditions for intimacy, connection, and trust,” the researcher added.

Shocking revelations in the survey

Researchers have found that arguing all the time in marriage actually helps couples clear up any misunderstandings. While for couples who don’t, the end result is always resentment.

- Nearly 4 in 5 respondents said poor communication ruined their past relationships.

- Less than 1 in 5 believe they do not blame themselves for failure in a conversation or relationship.

- The three most difficult topics—and the ones that often lead to arguments—include sex, annoying habits, and finances.

Grenny added that he found that one of the biggest "unconscious" mistakes couples were making was "not taking responsibility for their emotions."

The Secret of a Happy Marriage: Arguing All the Time?

Grenny believes so. “The success of a relationship is determined by the way sensitive issues are discussed,” he says.

“True love works. True intimacy is not just about love, it's about truth. And important conversations are a means to bring out truth in a way that accelerates feelings of closeness, trust, connection,” the researcher added.

But healthy arguing isn't the only secret to a happy marriage. More than just being compatible, you need to be best friends.