7 mistakes parents make that cause their children to lose confidence.
When parents have overly high expectations, children may not bother trying or they may feel like failures.
Amy Morin, psychotherapist, lecturer at Northeastern University (UK), and author of the book.13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't DoMany parents employ strategies they believe will build their children's confidence. However, some of these strategies can backfire, creating a vicious cycle that further diminishes the child's confidence and self-esteem.
1. To free children from responsibilities.
Although you might think that household chores would stress children out and take up their study time, in reality, doing chores helps children become more responsible citizens.
Doing age-appropriate chores helps children develop a sense of ownership and accomplishment. Whether you assign them tasks like hanging laundry or taking out the trash, each responsibility is an opportunity for children to see their capabilities and competence.
2. Prevent your child from making mistakes.
It's difficult to watch a child fail, be rejected, or mess something up. When this is about to happen, many parents rush in to rescue their child first. Preventing a child from making a mistake robs them of the opportunity to learn how to recover – to get back on their feet after a setback.
Whether a child forgets their strokes before a big soccer game or gets a few answers wrong on a math test, mistakes can be a child's teacher. Each mistake is an opportunity for a child to build the mental strength they need to do better next time.
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3. Protect your child from negative emotions.
There's nothing wrong with comforting children when they're sad or calming them down when they're angry. However, how parents react to their children's emotions can significantly impact their emotional intelligence development and self-esteem.
Instead of denying negative emotions, help children identify what triggers them and teach them how to regulate themselves so they can fit into society in the future.
4. Expecting perfection
High expectations are healthy, but too many expectations can have negative consequences. When children perceive their parents' expectations as too high, they may not even bother trying, or they may feel as though they will never achieve them.
Instead, set clear long-term expectations and milestones along the way. For example, going to college is a long-term expectation, so help your child set short-term goals: get good grades, finish all homework, read books, etc.
5. Causing children to develop a victim mentality.
Saying things like, "You can't buy new shoes like friend A because we're poor," makes your child believe that most situations in life are beyond their control.
Instead of letting your children feel pitied, or exaggerating their misfortunes, encourage them to take positive action (for example, open a lemonade stand, rent out books so they can save money to buy things they want or need).
Children who see life choices will feel more confident in their ability to create a better future for themselves.
6.Overprotecting your child
Overprotecting your child can help reduce anxiety, but completely isolating them from challenges will hinder their development.
Think of yourself as a guide, not a protector. Allowing your child to experience things, even when they are afraid, is giving them the opportunity to gain confidence in their ability to cope with anything in life.
7. Punishment, instead of discipline.
Children need to understand that some actions lead to serious consequences. However, there is a big difference between discipline and punishment. Children who are disciplined think they made a bad choice. Children who are punished think they are a bad person.
In other words, discipline helps children feel confident that they can make smarter, healthier choices in the future, while punishment makes them think they are incapable of doing better.