7 mistakes parents make that make their children lose confidence

Amy Morin, psychotherapist, lecturer at Northeastern University (UK), author of the book13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't DoMany parents employ strategies that they believe will build their child's self-confidence. However, some of these strategies can backfire, creating a vicious cycle that causes the child to lose confidence and self-esteem:

1. Let children escape from responsibilities

While you may think that chores will stress your children out and take time away from their studies, doing chores will actually help them become more responsible citizens.

Doing age-appropriate chores gives your child a sense of ownership and accomplishment. Whether you assign your child to hang out the laundry or take out the trash, any responsibility is an opportunity to show your child that he or she is capable and competent.

2. Prevent your child from making mistakes

It’s hard to see your child fail, get rejected, or mess something up. When this happens, many parents rush in to save their child. Preventing their child from making a mistake robs them of the opportunity to learn how to bounce back from failure.

Whether your child forgets his swing before a big game or gets a few answers wrong on a math test, mistakes can be a teacher. Each mistake is an opportunity for your child to build the mental strength they need to do better next time.

3. Protect your child from negative emotions

There is nothing wrong with comforting a child when he is sad or calming him down when he is angry. However, how parents respond to their children's emotions can have a big impact on the development of their emotional intelligence and self-esteem.

Don't deny negative emotions, instead help your child identify what triggers their emotions and teach them how to self-regulate, to fit in with society in the future.

4. Expect perfection

High expectations are healthy, but too many expectations can have consequences. When children perceive their parents' expectations as too high, they may not even bother trying or they may feel as though they will never meet them.

Instead, set clear long-term expectations and set milestones along the way. For example, going to college is a long-term expectation, so help your child set short-term goals: getting good grades, finishing homework, reading books, etc.

5. Make your child have a victim mentality

Saying things like, "You can't buy new shoes like friend A because we're poor," makes your child believe that most situations in life are beyond their control.

Instead of making your child feel sorry for you, or exaggerating their misfortunes, encourage them to take positive action (e.g., open a lemonade stand, rent books so they can save money to buy things they want or need).

Children who see choices in life feel more confident in their ability to create a better future for themselves.

6.Overprotective

Overprotecting your child helps reduce anxiety, but completely isolating your child from challenges will hinder their development.

Think of yourself as a guide, not a protector. Allowing your child to experience things even when they are scared gives them the opportunity to gain confidence in their ability to cope with anything in life.

7. Punishment, instead of discipline

Children need to understand that some actions have serious consequences. However, there is a big difference between discipline and punishment. Children who are disciplined think they made a bad choice. Children who are punished think they are a bad person.

In other words, discipline helps children feel confident that they can make smarter, healthier choices in the future, while punishment makes them think they are incapable of doing better.