To become a complete person and earn a living, from childhood to adulthood, each of us must learn so much knowledge and so many skills from school to the streets, from our parents, teachers, and other people... But wealth, success, or fame do not necessarily equate to happiness. What happens then?
Then one day I realized, perhaps it's because we haven't yet learned one of the most important skills in life: the skill of acceptance.
Indeed, all suffering, anxiety, anger, and distress ultimately stem from people's refusal to accept one or more realities of life, instead letting their minds wander in pursuit of what they lack, and once they have it, they desire more, more, and everything. Acceptance is always difficult, especially accepting one's own imperfections and shortcomings.
If I were an actor dreaming of fame, and people criticized my performance after countless nights of strenuous rehearsals, I would be very upset. But I would accept and look deeply into the praise and criticism to understand that praise is kindness, and criticism is also kindness. To offer genuine criticism means that people have taken the time to watch my work and expect greater effort. What is more frightening than criticism? Silence. I accept that imperfection and will return with greater effort; it's nothing too serious, because "no one is perfect."
If I were someone carrying a burden of suffering within me, and tried everything to cope, I still wouldn't escape it. First, I would love and accept it as an inseparable part of myself, so I couldn't run away from it. I couldn't cover my eyes with my right hand to try and forget that my left hand was hurting. People often say, "Drinking to drown your sorrows only makes them worse." Alcohol, friends, parties, or external comforts are only temporary painkillers, or worse, placebos – they can't solve the root of the problem. To heal, first, I need to be present with myself, accept it, care for it from the heart, and the wound will heal. It's not a big deal, because "after the rain comes the sunshine."
If I were a young person aspiring to success, only to realize that everyone around me is more successful than me, I would go through a range of emotions: envy, jealousy, disappointment, and self-doubt. But things could be different if I reached the threshold of acceptance. I accept that I am still lacking and need to work harder. I accept that success is not measured by others, but by myself. I accept that today I am not as successful as others, but tomorrow I will certainly be different from today. I happily accept the presence of more successful people around me, knowing that new shoots are growing in the bamboo forest. I accept my limitations before seeking my strengths. I learn to accept myself before life accepts me; it's not a big deal, tomorrow begins today.
I returned from my holiday and realized that the hydrangeas I had planted before Tet (Lunar New Year) had withered because I hadn't been home for over 10 days to water and care for them. Blaming myself for being away for so long, for neglecting them in the early morning sun and balcony breeze, I accepted that they had withered and were no longer vibrant. I began removing the drooping buds, shedding the dry leaves, cutting the withered branches, and decided to water and care for them again with the same love, attention, and enthusiasm as when I first bought them. I believed that in just a few days, the hydrangeas would smile at me again. It wasn't a big deal, because flowers wither and bloom again, as they always have – impermanence.
In that way, I accept that happiness is right here, and the hydrangea has already bloomed in my heart.
Article by: Hoang Huy
Illustration photo: TL
