Then tell your child: "It's okay, there are plenty of other choices in life!"
Because one exam is not enough to judge whether a child is intelligent or incompetent.
Because an exam is just… an exam, meaning there will always be other exams, other assessment methods that are more suitable for your child.
Three years ago, I told this to my close friend's child when the mother burst into tears on the phone, overwhelmed with disappointment and frustration because her child had failed the 10th grade entrance exam. I – a family friend, and considered an impromptu psychologist whom the children relatively trusted – took on the responsibility of talking to the child. The room was dark, the curtains drawn, and the 15-year-old huddled silently on the bed. I told her that I knew this truth was hard to accept, because if she were a poor student, that would be one thing, but the dozens of certificates of merit from each school year still hanging on the wall showed the opposite. A child who was a good student, pampered by her parents, loved by her teachers and friends – why did she fail the 10th grade entrance exam?
Because nearly 40,000 other students are taking the same exam, while the enrollment quota for public schools across the province is only over 31,000; this means that approximately 77.5% of the children will succeed, while the remaining 22.5% – 9,000 children – may be considered failures! Many of these 9,000 children have good or excellent academic records, but with such a large number of candidates, the cut-off scores for public high schools tend to increase. Furthermore, the opportunities are narrower as all schools do not accept second-choice applications; therefore, your child might have enough points to get into school B or school C but lack the points to get into school A, their first choice.
Failing an exam can make a child feel like the most incompetent and unsuccessful person in the world. They might blame themselves for not trying hard enough, for not studying enough; for being unfilial and disappointing their parents; and for the shame of failing so miserably in front of their teachers and friends after years of being considered a good student. I sat with that child in a small room all afternoon, silently listening more than advising, guiding more than imposing, and finding solutions rather than analyzing the causes. I said, "Now that it's done, in my opinion, we have options B, C, D… You see, you only lost one option, but there are 1,001 other options waiting for you to consider!"
Finally, that child chose to attend vocational school, learning both a trade and a general education! You know what? Now, three years later, just yesterday, her mother called me to brag: T. has just been accepted as an intern at Hyundai, and in September she will go to South Korea to work at the head office. Once there, she will continue to study and work, and if her internship results meet the requirements, the company will officially hire her as an engineer!
I'm writing this because I just received the email it sent:
"Thank you, teacher, for your empathy three years ago. Back then, I hated myself terribly, but now I'm secretly grateful for my failure. The experience from failure taught me how to stand up stronger. Looking back from afar, I realize that an exam at 15 or 18 is nothing, because stepping out into the vast world, we face countless daily challenges of overcoming ourselves!"
Finally, I quote here famous people who failed miserably but still rose strongly until they succeeded: Michael Jordan – dubbed the “king” of basketball, after being cut from his high school basketball team, he went home, locked himself in his room and cried, but he was determined to train again and the results we see today; Albert Einstein – the great scientist, honored as the “smartest person of the 20th century,” couldn't speak until he was almost 4 years old and his teacher told him he would “never have much money”; Oprah Winfrey – the queen of American television, was demoted from her job as a broadcaster because she was… “not suited for television”…
So now you know what to say if your child fails an exam someday: It's okay, there are plenty of other options in life!
Article by: Phuoc Anh
Illustrative image: Archival material
