Four pieces of advice for wives when their husbands are angry.

A common occurrence in marital relationships is that when a husband gets angry, not all wives know how to remain silent. And even if they do remain silent, a wife who was previously calm can easily become anxious, sad, and resentful when faced with her husband's anger.

It's essentially an emotional "contagion," a loss of emotional self-control, being consumed by one's partner's anger.

Illustrative image.

Feeling frustrated because my husband is often short-tempered.

Mr. Binh, the husband of Ms. Ngan in Dong Da (Hanoi), is a kind-hearted man, but he has a fiery temper. He can't stand anything that requires waiting or anything that annoys him. He gets angry with everyone, not just his wife.

Ms. Ngan recounted that normally, Mr. Binh was a very loving and responsible husband, always proud of his wife. "However, when he gets angry, he transforms into a completely different person. One moment he's happy and friendly, the next something happens, and he immediately starts yelling and using abusive language, calling me names and other derogatory terms, which has embarrassed me in front of friends and relatives many times."

One time, she lost her house keys. Knowing it was her fault, she prepared herself for her husband's furious anger. And indeed, after searching for the spare key without success, Mr. Binh flew into a rage. He paced back and forth, his face flushed red, while simultaneously borrowing a chainsaw to cut the lock, calling her "stupid" and "brainless"—a name that deeply hurt Ms. Ngan. Although she had anticipated his anger, she was still shocked by his insults.

Similarly, Hoai, 29, an office worker in Thanh Xuan district (Hanoi), recounted that when they were dating, her husband Toan never spoke harshly to her. However, just a few months after their marriage, Hoai witnessed her husband's rage, which shocked her deeply.

Hoài couldn't accept her husband calling her "stupid," so she sulked for months. But the angrier she got, the more unbearable it became, especially since Toàn showed no apology or intention of reconciling with his wife.

According to psychologists, effectively dealing with a spouse's anger is always a pressing need in every family. Conflicts and arguments are inevitable in any marriage. However, not everyone knows how to react appropriately when their partner is losing their temper and being overwhelmed by anger.

In reality, we are easily consumed by our partner's anger. For example, a husband's outburst of anger can cause his wife to become resentful, as we have described above.

Burned by her husband's anger.

According to psychologist Nguyen An Chat of An Viet Son Consulting Company (Hanoi), anger or resentment are both emotional forms of hatred. A wife who was previously calm, when faced with her husband's anger, becomes anxious, sad, and resentful.

It's essentially an emotional "contagion," a loss of emotional self-control, being consumed by the anger of one's partner. Because she can't control her own emotions, it's very difficult for the wife to follow the old sayings like "turn down the heat when the rice is boiling, speak less when your husband is angry," or to use gentle persuasion ("a soft rope binds tightly").

Because they cannot control their emotions, wives often behave inappropriately, such as arguing with their husbands, raising their voices at them, throwing things around with them, going back to their parents' house, crying and sulking, and engaging in silent treatment... All such behaviors usually make the marital relationship even more distant and harder to reconcile.

Four pieces of advice for wives

According to experts, there are certain taboos that wives should avoid when dealing with their husbands' anger, and these are also principles of behavior that women with easily angered husbands can refer to:

1. Don't always argue with your husband and try to win every argument.

Sometimes the line between right and wrong is very thin. When faced with a problem, everyone has their own reasoning. And in some arguments, there is no right or wrong at all. Husbands' egos are always sky-high, so they won't feel happy having to concede defeat to their wives' arguments.

In some cases, try to pause the argument to give both of you more time to think things through. Bring up the issue again when you are both calm.

2. Agree on a special "stop" signal.

When an argument reaches its peak, knowing when to stop is crucial, and use subtle signals that you both silently agree upon. These signals will let your partner know they're about to push you to your breaking point.

3. Compromise with a loving hug.

Physical contact is always very effective in calming someone's anger, especially in couples. Obviously, this action will remind you that you love this person and still want to be with them. Don't hesitate to ask for a hug and be generous in giving one. This will prevent further fueling the argument.

4. Lie next to each other after each argument.

Never kick your husband out to sleep separately over a small argument. Agree with your husband that no matter how big the argument gets, neither of you will leave the house. Lie next to each other until you both calm down. A good, deep sleep will help both of you feel refreshed and resolve the argument in the most peaceful way possible.

According to Giadinh.net