Four tips for wives when their husbands are angry

There is a common thing that happens in a marital relationship: when the husband gets angry, not all wives know how to stay silent. And if they do stay silent, a wife who is normally calm when faced with her husband's anger can easily turn into insecurity, sadness, and resentment.

It is essentially an emotional “contagion,” a loss of emotional control, being burned by your partner’s anger.

Illustration photo.

Bored because husband is often angry

Mr. Binh, Ms. Ngan's husband in Dong Da (Hanoi) is a kind person but has a fiery temper. When faced with something that requires waiting or something unpleasant, it seems that Mr. Binh cannot stand it. He is angry with everyone, not just his wife.

Ms. Ngan said that, normally, Mr. Binh is a very loving and responsible man towards his wife and is always proud of her. “However, when he gets angry, he becomes a different person. When we are having fun, something happens and he immediately jumps up and down, calling each other names, this and that, making me embarrassed many times in front of my friends and relatives."

One time she lost her house key. She knew it was her fault so she determined from the beginning that she would receive a furious outburst from her husband. Indeed, after a while of fumbling around looking for the spare key and not finding it, Binh became furious. Her husband paced back and forth, his face red as he borrowed a chainsaw to cut the lock, while scolding her as “stupid”, “crazy”… making Ngan feel extremely hurt. Although she determined that her husband would be angry, when he insulted her like that, Ngan still felt shocked.

Similarly, Hoai, 29 years old, an office worker in Thanh Xuan district (Hanoi) said that when they were still in love, Hoai's husband Toan never said a harsh word to her. However, after only a few months of marriage, Hoai had to witness her husband's anger, which shocked her.

Hoai could not accept her husband calling her “stupid” so she stayed angry with him for months. But the angrier she got, the more unbearable it became. Especially when Toan did not apologize or show any signs of wanting to reconcile with his wife.

According to psychologists, dealing effectively with anger from a husband or wife is always an urgent need in every family. Because when you are a husband and wife, it is difficult to avoid conflicts and arguments. However, not everyone knows how to deal properly when faced with a situation where their spouse is losing their temper, when they are being “dominated” by anger.

In fact, we are easily burned by our spouse's anger. For example, a husband's anger also makes his wife angry in the cases we mentioned above.

Burned by her husband's anger

According to psychologist Nguyen An Chat, An Viet Son Consulting Company (Hanoi), anger or resentment are both emotional forms of hatred. A wife who is normally calm when faced with her husband's anger has turned to anxiety, sadness, and resentment.

It is essentially an emotional “contagion”, a loss of emotional control, being burned by the anger of your spouse. Because you cannot control your emotions, it is very difficult for the wife to follow the teachings of the ancients such as “reduce the heat when the rice is boiling, reduce the words when the husband is angry”, or use gentleness to “tie tightly with a soft rope”...

Because they cannot control their emotions, wives often behave in the wrong way, such as arguing with their husbands, raising their voices at their husbands, throwing things at their husbands, going back to their parents' house, crying and being angry, having a cold war... All of these behaviors often make the relationship between husband and wife more distant and more difficult to reconcile.

Four tips for wives

According to experts, there are taboos that wives should avoid when facing their husband's "anger", which are also principles of behavior that women with husbands who get angry easily can refer to:

1. Don't always argue with your husband and try to win.

Sometimes the line between right and wrong is very thin. When faced with a problem, each person has their own argument. And in some debates, nothing is right or wrong. The husband's ego is always high, so he will not feel happy when he has to give in to his wife's arguments.

In some cases, you should find a way to pause the argument so that both of you have more time to think things through. Talk about this issue again when you are both calm.

2. Agree on a special "stop" sign

When an argument reaches its peak, it's important to stop at the right time and use secret signals that you both silently agree on. These signals will let your partner know that they're about to cross your threshold.

3. Compromise with a loving hug

Physical contact is always a great way to calm someone down, especially in couples. It will definitely remind you that you love this person and still want to be with them. Don’t be afraid to ask for a hug and be generous in giving one. This will avoid adding fuel to the fire of an argument.

4. Lie next to each other after every argument

Never send your husband to sleep separately because of a small argument. Make an agreement with your husband that no matter how big the argument is, neither of you is allowed to leave the house. Lie next to each other until you both come to an understanding. A good, deep sleep will help both of you stay alert and resolve the argument in the most gentle way.

According to Giadinh.net