"Raising children is like flying a kite. If you hold it too tightly, the string will break."

“My child is in first grade, I have explained many times about learning motivation but it seems he doesn't understand”, “I can't figure out how to make my child concentrate and sit still at the desk”… are the issues parents raised at the discussion "Teaching children to study effectively, practical methods from experts" held in Hanoi.

Dr. of Literature Dieu Lan Phuong (University of Social Sciences and Humanities - Vietnam National University, Hanoi), Master of Practice in Child and Adolescent Development Psychology Pham Le Hoang Minh participated in the discussion.

No educational method should be worshiped.

According to Dr. Lan Phuong, each student has a different style. For example, with a random abstract way, children will learn comfortably in many different spaces, not fixed at the desk. If parents understand their child's style correctly, knowledge absorption will be effective.

As a mother, Ms. Lan Phuong does not teach her children to study on the spot, practicing the same exercise many times. According to Ms. Phuong, teaching children should aim at sustainable values ​​such as self-study and language development. These things will follow children throughout their lives.

“Normally, primary school children can concentrate for 30 minutes at most. First and second graders can only concentrate for 10 minutes. Therefore, if parents force their children to sit at a desk and study for 2 hours, it is a waste and causes boredom. Children can go out to play, be exposed to an open, friendly environment, and will absorb knowledge passionately,” Ms. Phuong said.

It is important to accompany and observe your child on the path of knowledge, but it is not necessary for parents to always be "by their side" to guide their children. Adults have a habit of imposing their thoughts and experiences on their children. Let your children learn by themselves, freedom brings creativity.

“I never force my child to write an essay more than once, let him freely write the stories he likes. If he makes mistakes, it’s okay. If he refuses to do his homework, let him pay the price when the teacher punishes him the next day. If he gets 3/8 points, I’m not upset. If he gets 5/8 points next time, I’m happy because he’s improved,” the female doctor said.

According to Ms. Phuong, the most important thing is that the motivation to learn comes from within each child. Parents should encourage their children to live with thoughts and goals.

The female doctor believes that modern parents face many difficulties in raising children, such as having too many choices and risks. If living in a family with many members and many different educational methods, parents must determine that raising children is their own responsibility, living with autonomy and goals. At the same time, parents need to respect the differences. Parents cannot change grandparents in the way they educate their children, they can only change their own thinking.

“Many modern families hire maids, but I think this is harmful because their awareness is limited. They always do everything the children can do themselves. Meanwhile, a child’s comprehensive development cannot lack movement and manual labor,” Ms. Lan Phuong stated her opinion.

Faced with parents’ confusion over the increasing number of different educational methods, Ms. Lan Phuong said parents should not be impatient when teaching their children because education is a long journey. A child’s knowledge being one or two years ahead of his peers is not a big deal to rush into.

No matter what educational method is applied, parents should not be too superstitious. Parents should know how to choose the good and appropriate things in each method based on the child's perception. In addition, teaching children about love is very important.

The more you forbid love, the more children hide it.

Master Pham Le Hoang Minh said that at each age, children will have different developmental milestones. From 2 to 7 years old, children think concretely. From 7 to 11 years old, children think abstractly. After 12 years old, they can solve complex problems. Parents can teach their children to study on their own from 7 or 8 years old.

A little older, in adolescence, children often desire to be recognized as adults.

Recently, Master Hoang Minh advised a parent whose child studied at a specialized school and always had scores above 9. However, the parents complained that at home their child never studied, loved to play, had some bad habits, and had a boyfriend.

“I met the students and saw that they were developing normally, but the ones who had problems were their mothers. Parents were overly worried, making the children feel that they were not trusted, that their privacy was violated, and that they struggled even more,” Mr. Hoang Minh shared.

In this case, Mr. Minh advises parents to worry less and trust more, then the child will feel less pressure and cooperate more with the mother. In the family, it is also necessary to clarify what is allowed and what is not allowed.

According to Mr. Hoang Minh, in secondary school, children begin to have feelings for the opposite sex. The more parents forbid it, the more they will hide it. At this age, it is important for parents to observe and know how their children's relationships with friends are.

“I often tell parents that raising children is like flying a kite. To make the kite fly higher, the string must be held loosely. If you hold it too tightly, the string will break,” said Hoang Minh.