How to turn the tables when your husband is having an affair

Planning to meet his girlfriend, seeing his wife wearing beautiful makeup, a dress and calling a taxi, Mr. Tuan canceled the appointment, angrily demanding his wife stay home so he could go pick up the kids.

After being hospitalized for physical weakness due to insomnia and poor appetite since learning about her husband's affair, Ms. Thu (Vinh City) was determined to change herself. "For months, I struggled to ask myself what was wrong with me that my husband went looking for 'something new', then questioned and searched for evidence. The result was that he still did not stop. When I had to be hospitalized, thinking about my daughter at home, crying and helpless, I really regretted neglecting myself," Ms. Thu explained.

From then on, she started to schedule exercise, take care of her body every day and only focus on herself, her children, and her husband, no matter where he wanted to go or what he wanted to do. She also joined book clubs with her children, went on weekend picnics, and then returned to her long-forgotten hobbies: traveling.Every weekend, the mother and daughter go out, sometimes going away for several days at a time, without needing to inform her husband because "it's been a long time since he spent a day off with his family."

Every day, instead of cooking rice and leaving it for her husband and then getting angry when he doesn't come home to eat, she only cooks for the two of them. "If he comes home and wants to eat, I'll cook noodles myself," she said.

Sometimes, in the evening, the 31-year-old woman sends her child to her grandparents' house to meet friends and watch her favorite shows.

When she had mentally prepared herself for each of them to go their separate ways, her husband suddenly turned to... keep his wife. He was angry when she dressed up to go out at night and tried every way to make her stay home. The father, who had never known the name of the teacher who taught his children, suddenly came home early to pick up his children, and even invited the whole family to go to the movies on weekends. "In the end, I didn't ask anything, my husband confessed that he had an affair before and asked for forgiveness and wanted us to start over, taking care of the family together. I have never wanted to break up the family, so I agreed but also said frankly that I would still live for me and my children and would divorce immediately if the same mistake was repeated," Ms. Thu expressed.

Illustration: All4women.

Also admitting that she was "like a crazy person" during the time her husband openly had an affair, Ms. Ngoc, the head of a food distribution company in Hai Ba Trung, Hanoi, changed herself to turn the tables.

Ms. Ngoc said she frankly declared to her husband, "If you don't care about your family, then each of you can spend your own money and live your own life. I will also have another man to find joy. If you can't accept it, then let's get a divorce."

She did exactly what she said. She still took care of her two children but ignored her husband, took off her wedding ring, was willing to go out to eat, drink coffee, go dancing, go on trips... with other men when she felt like it. Her husband became jealous, resentful, even lost his appetite, lost sleep, had gray hair, and was haggard. Then one day, he called her to sit down and talk and wanted the couple to forget all the past, for the sake of the children, and return to taking care of their family.

"It's true that things don't go from dark to bright right away. We also have to try hard to forgive, accept each other and spend more time and effort on our family. Now, my husband and I are really happy, more than before my husband had a girlfriend," Ngoc said.

According to psychologist Nguyen Thi Minh Hoa, when her husband has an affair, each woman has a different way of behaving, but they usually fall into two groups:

Group 1: People who make themselves miserable. They may shut themselves up, cry, complain, skip meals, skip sleep, or hate their husbands, question them, look for evidence, fight with their husbands...

Group 2: Find joy for yourself. Many people often have to go through the same stages as in the first group to reach this stage. They can proactively discuss with their partner to find the cause of the breakup, solutions for the family and focus on taking care of themselves, improving their self-worth, and going out to meet more people.

In fact, many people have saved their marriages after the storm of adultery by finding joy for themselves. Perhaps, that action has awakened husbands that their wives are not "cold rice" that is always waiting for them and they can lose their family if they do not know how to nurture it.

However, psychologists say that this "trick" is like a double-edged sword, because if it goes too far, such as the wife also having an affair, or trying to take care of herself just to tease her husband, it can be the "last straw". Or even, when the husband returns home, he wants to keep his wife but at this time, jealousy and suspicion linger in his mind.

"Taking care of yourself, not only in terms of appearance but also knowledge, finding healthy hobbies are positive things that every woman should have, and don't wait until the family is in trouble, your husband has lost his way to do it. Maintain those things from the beginning, to keep yourself attractive and renew the relationship. Absolutely do not cheat to get revenge," Ms. Hoa shared.

According to marriage and family counselor Le Hang (HCMC), when deciding to rebuild a marriage after an affair, a couple needs to practice sharing openly and honestly with each other about everything. And most importantly, both need to build trust and learn to forgive because, after all, an affair leaves scars that are difficult to heal and hurts the feelings of the people involved.

According to VNE