'If you're going to invite people to a wedding or a memorial service, invite them three days in advance so you have time to borrow money...'

(Baonghean) - Since ancient times, our people have had the custom of offering congratulations on joyous occasions and visiting relatives and neighbors on sad occasions, demonstrating solidarity, sharing, and close bonds. However, over time, this custom has been distorted due to the market economy and the pursuit of material gain. Sometimes, matters of joy and sorrow have been weighed against each other, as the saying goes: "Weddings are profitable, anniversaries are losses, and Tet breaks even."

It's true that you need money to organize weddings or memorial services, but I think we should also cut out unnecessary ceremonies. Calculations and considerations of gain and loss should be replaced by genuine affection, understanding, and mutual support. Because money and profit shouldn't always be above or equal to love and compassion; money should come after, and be subordinate to, love—that's the true meaning of human life.

When I was little, every time there was a wedding or a memorial service in the village, my mother would rush around borrowing a few dozen dong to give as a gift or pay her respects. We didn't have much, and she had to borrow like that; it was heartbreaking. So, when I grew up and got married, being headstrong and independent, I advised both sets of parents to stop inviting people to memorial services. The deceased is long gone, and remembering a loved one is a private family matter; we shouldn't burden our neighbors with expenses for commemorating our loved ones. When I heard my sister Hoai jokingly say, "If you're going to invite us to a memorial service, please do it a few days in advance so we can borrow the money, because we never have any money readily available," I felt a pang of sadness and deep sympathy for the people in my hometown.

Illustration photo: Internet

Whenever there's a family anniversary, my mother and I only bring sticky rice and slices of pork sausage to a few elderly people or children near our house, while the neighbors offer green tea, or maybe a plate of roasted peanuts if we're feeling generous. We maintain neighborly goodwill without "offending" them with our congratulations and visits. I remember on my wedding day, the neighbor behind us, who was dirt poor and could never afford a dress, somehow managed to get 200,000 dong as a wedding gift, and I resolutely refused it. On my wedding day, my cousin's family, who were financially struggling, also tried to return the money. When returning it, I gently explained the situation to them so they would understand, not fearing they might think I was rich and didn't need their help. I think that in life, calculating the value of money in matters of friendship and affection is unreasonable, because even a lot of money can't give you the same heartfelt feeling of gratitude. When my wife and I built our new house in the city and moved out, knowing that I don't accept money for celebratory gifts, our neighbors came and gave us things like a few kilograms of rice, peanuts, beans, a few eggs, or sometimes just a bunch of fresh vegetables... I've brought almost a hundred kilograms of rice alone. I gathered all the rice into one big sack and placed it in the middle of the house, considering it a priceless gift. I wanted to teach my children how precious and beautiful kindness and friendship are, and that this comes from living a life of kindness and compassion.

Often, I don't wish for a lot of money to buy luxury goods or designer items; I just wish for enough to visit my hometown a couple of times a month, buy them a dozen fish, a few hundred grams of meat, and occasionally lend them money to pay their children's school fees on time or to buy medicine when they're sick. That would bring me so much happiness.

People constantly try to teach each other how to make a lot of money to survive in life, but sometimes life is much easier. To live happily and peacefully isn't that difficult; it just requires patience, tolerance, understanding, and not placing too much emphasis on money and material possessions. Life can then be easier and more joyful...

Mai Hoang