Daughter married far away

"Every afternoon I stand in the back alley

Looking back to my homeland, my heart aches all afternoon"

(Folk song).

“I didn’t marry a husband nearby, I married a husband far away, now I miss my mother and love my father…”

(Lyrics)…

It seemed like the story of “marrying far away” had become an old story, but suddenly it has resurfaced on many forums of women with hundreds of thousands of opinions, most of which are inclined to advise people not to marry far away. This is an eternal topic, really in need of sharing. And of course, “marrying far away” now is no longer just calculated from village to village, from region to region, but has opened up on a large scale from country to country…

Perhaps no mother likes her daughter to marry far away. Her mother is the same. Ever since she grew up and went to school far away, every time she came home, her mother would explain to her daughter that she must marry a man near her parents. Her mother gave a series of reasons, such as that married life in a foreign land is not simple, inevitably there are times when things do not go well with her husband and his family, no matter how miserable she is, she can only cry alone, with no one to confide in or share with. Then giving birth for nine months and ten days, the children are sick and weak... without a biological mother by her side, who will take care of them? Then later when her father is weak and her mother is old, she cannot come back to visit... Her mother also recited the song "If a daughter marries a husband near by, even if she needs a bowl of soup, he will bring it to her. If a daughter marries a husband far away, it is like running away to the forest..." Those words of her mother gradually haunted her thoughts.

However, it is true that no one can predict anything in love. She got married nearly 1000 kilometers away from her parents. Her mother knew she could not stop it, but she kept complaining and complaining as if she had lost her daughter, sometimes making her feel guilty towards her parents even though she still could not understand where she went wrong. She had to encourage herself that life is like that, there are many things that have to be accepted, most people grow up, go far away and get married, everyone has to live their own life, not everyone can live with their parents forever. There are many sisters and friends that she knows who also got married far away, even very far away, but everything will be fine, the main thing is to know how to arrange life and work to visit parents on death anniversaries, New Year, illness...

The life of a girl who married far away was full of excitement and confusion, but she quickly adapted. She always took the initiative to plan and arrange her work, discussed and agreed with her husband so that on death anniversaries and Tet holidays, she would divide her time equally to visit both families. She was always sociable, loving and lived honestly with everyone, so at work as well as at her husband's family, she was very much loved by many people. The grandparents, aunts, uncles, and sisters who came before her in this second homeland often wholeheartedly taught her everything in life. So even though she was far away from her hometown and parents, she did not feel so lonely and strange in a foreign land that she only sat and cried alone outside of work, as many people said. She always felt the warmth and love from everyone around her. Especially after two births, her husband's relatives and friends and colleagues took turns taking care of the mother and child at the hospital, while others went to the market and cooked, to the point that her mother and husband complained that they had nothing to do while taking care of the baby. When the baby was one month old and her mother returned to her hometown, she always took care of the baby and did the housework herself, rarely bothering her husband's family and husband. She often thought that what she could do herself should not bother others.

More than ten years have passed, of course in life not everything is always smooth as expected, but she has never felt that marrying far away is something too terrible, tragic as many women confide. Obviously, when the children are young, girls who marry far away have to limit long distance travel, so there are few opportunities to return to their parents, of course they cannot help but miss them. Or on death anniversaries and Tet holidays, because of the different customs and practices in each place, it is inevitable to feel sad, miss their homeland, family... but all those feelings will quickly pass to give way to the hustle and bustle of daily work.

I remember one time when my mother had to suddenly go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. At that time, I couldn't arrange everything to come back to take care of my mother right away, but I always called to ask about my mother, reminded everyone in the family about taking care of my mother, and immediately transferred a sum of money to the account of the aunt who was taking care of my mother so that everyone would have money for travel and surgery expenses. When I got home, my mother had already had surgery. I only asked for a few days off to take care of my mother and then had to return to the city to take care of my family and work, but everyone encouraged me that there were many people in the countryside taking care of my mother, mainly because if it weren't for the money I transferred back, I wouldn't know where to find money to take care of the expenses. Looking at my mother, I knew she might not say it, but she must be very happy because even though she was far away, her daughter was happy with a stable family and a good job.

So she wants to tell the sisters and young people that marrying far away is not the reason why our lives are heavy and tragic. If we are proactive and know how to arrange everything, we will be fine. Many sisters tell each other that love is nothing, why do we have to leave our parents to marry far away. Why is love nothing? If we do not love someone, how can we marry them, have children together, share joys and sorrows for life, whether that person is far or near? We cannot stay with our parents forever to be taken care of, to rely on them both materially and spiritually, otherwise we will feel lonely and disappointed... Everyone has their own life, work, relationships, and they are created by themselves. So she thinks it is necessary for everyone to be independent, to leave their parents' arms to grow up.

She also wants to share with her sisters the worry that if she marries far away, she will not be able to take care of her parents when they are old, but she thinks that we will definitely have a way to solve this depending on each different situation. On normal days, a girl who marries far away like her also thinks a lot, once wrote verses like"If a daughter marries far away, her parents will wait for her all her life with gray hair."While the longing for parents is overwhelming, it does not mean that marrying far away is a mistake or a tragedy... Because the most important thing that any parent cares about is not whether their daughter marries far away or near, but whether their daughter is loved and happy or not.