My daughter married someone far away.

"Every afternoon I stand at the back gate."

"Looking towards my mother's homeland, my heart aches terribly."

(Folk song).

"I didn't marry someone nearby, I married someone far away, and now I miss my mother and father..."

(Lyrics)...

Just when it seemed like the stories of "marrying far away" had become a thing of the past, they suddenly resurfaced on many online forums for women, with countless opinions, many of which leaned towards advising against marrying someone from afar. This shows that it's a timeless topic that truly needs sharing. And of course, "marrying far away" is no longer just about the distance between villages or regions, but has expanded to encompass a broader scope, from one country to another…

Perhaps no mother wants her daughter to marry someone far away. Her mother was no exception. Ever since she grew up and went to school far from home, every time she came home, her mother would endlessly lecture her, insisting that her daughter must marry someone close to her parents. She gave a series of reasons: married life in a foreign land is not simple; there will inevitably be disagreements and conflicts with her husband and his family; and when she's heartbroken, she'll only be able to cry alone, with no one to confide in or share her feelings with. Then there's the nine months of childbirth, the children's illnesses and struggles… without her own mother by her side, who will take care of them? And later, when her parents are old and frail, she won't be able to visit them… Her mother even recited the folk song, "A daughter who marries nearby will have a bowl of soup brought to her when needed. A daughter who marries far away is like a coward, a coward returning to the forest…" These words of her mother gradually became a haunting obsession in her thoughts.

However, it's true that no one can predict what will happen in matters of the heart. She married someone who lived nearly 1000 kilometers away from her parents. Her mother knew she couldn't stop her, but she kept grumbling and complaining as if she had lost her daughter completely. Sometimes, this made her feel guilty towards her parents, even though she couldn't understand what she had done wrong. She had to encourage herself, thinking that life is like that; there are many things you have to accept. Most people grow up, move away, and start their own families. Everyone has to live their own life; few people can live with their parents forever. Many of her sisters and friends she knew also married far away, even very far, but everything turned out alright. The main thing was knowing how to arrange their lives and work to visit their parents on anniversaries, holidays, and when they were sick…

Life for a woman who marries far from home is full of anxieties and uncertainties, but she quickly adapted. She always proactively planned and organized her work, discussing and agreeing with her husband to divide her time equally between visiting both families during holidays and anniversaries. She was always friendly, loving, and sincere with everyone, so she was well-liked both at work and at her husband's home. The elders, aunts, uncles, and older sisters in her new homeland often kindly guided her in everything. Therefore, even though she was far from home and her parents, she didn't feel lost or alienated in a foreign land to the point of just crying alone outside of work, as some people said. She always felt the warmth and affection from everyone around her. Especially after her two pregnancies, her husband's relatives and colleagues took turns caring for her and the babies in the hospital, some going to the market and cooking, to the point that her mother and husband complained they had nothing to do while taking care of the births. When the babies were a month old and her mother returned to her hometown, she always took care of the children and did the housework herself, rarely bothering her husband's family or her husband. She always thought that if she could do something herself, she shouldn't bother others.

More than a decade has passed, and of course, life hasn't always been smooth sailing, but she has never felt that marrying someone from a distant place was something terrible or tragic, as many other women have confided. Obviously, when the children are young, women who marry far away have to limit long-distance travel, so they have fewer opportunities to visit their parents, and of course, they miss them. Or during anniversaries and holidays, due to different customs and traditions, it's inevitable to feel a pang of nostalgia for home and family… but all those feelings quickly pass, giving way to the hustle and bustle of daily life.

She remembered one time her mother had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. She couldn't arrange everything to be with her mother right away, but she constantly called to check on her, reminded everyone in the family about caring for her mother, and immediately transferred money to her aunt's account so they could cover travel expenses and surgery costs. By the time she arrived, her mother had already had the surgery. She only managed to take a few days off to care for her mother before having to return to the city to take care of her family and work. Everyone encouraged her, saying that there were already many people caring for her mother back home, and that without the money she sent, they wouldn't know where to find the money to cover the expenses. Looking at her mother, she knew that even though her mother might not say it out loud, she was probably very happy because, despite being far away, her daughter was happy with a stable family and a good job.

So, I want to tell all the women and young people that marrying someone from afar isn't the reason our lives become burdensome and tragic. If we are proactive and know how to manage things, we will be fine. Many women say that love is nothing compared to leaving their parents to marry someone from afar. Why is love nothing? If we don't love someone, how can we marry them, have children together, and share joys and sorrows for life, whether they are near or far? We can't stay with our parents forever to be cared for and rely on them both materially and emotionally; otherwise, we would feel lonely and empty... Everyone has their own life, work, and relationships, which they build themselves. So, I think what's necessary is for each person to be independent and leave their parents' embrace to grow up.

She also wanted to share with other women her worry that if she married far away, she wouldn't be able to take care of her parents in their old age, but she thought that surely we can all find solutions depending on each different circumstance. On a daily basis, a girl who married far away like her also thinks a lot about this, and has even written poems like..."When a daughter marries far away, her parents will spend their whole lives waiting for her, their hair turning gray."While feelings of longing for parents may well up, marrying someone far away absolutely does not mean that it is a mistake or a tragedy... Because the most important thing that any parent cares about is not whether their daughter marries someone far away or nearby, but whether their daughter is loved and happy.