Ask me why
(Baonghean) - The questions we never ask others are sometimes the questions no one ever asks themselves. How do we feel? What do we think? What do we want to do? You'll never find the answers if you don't ask.
I have a friend who always asks strange questions. For example, once he asked me:
Hey, why do people always offer sticky rice and chicken as offerings?
- I don't know either, maybe it's just tradition! But why are you asking?
- Well, because I don't like eating chicken. All my life I've eaten all kinds of meat except chicken, and then when I die, my children and grandchildren won't let me eat anything other than chicken – that would be so ironic. Just thinking about it makes me miserable…
But that question was still "easier" to accept than the time he asked me why boys don't like using condoms; I just wanted to take off my sandal and shove it in his mouth.
Perhaps using a condom doesn't feel as real?
- So what does that really feel like?
- How would I know? I'm not a boy. Why don't you go ask the boys?
So she happily ran off to ask some of the boys. Apparently, the boys she asked were also dumbfounded for a while after hearing my friend's delicate question.
One day, unable to bear its strange questions any longer, I retorted: "Why do you always ask such weird questions?" It answered with another question: "Haven't you ever wondered what the world looks like from someone else's perspective?"
Yes, it seems all its questions stem from a curiosity to know, understand, and explore people and things from their perspective, rather than through its own subjective judgment. Facing the same event or phenomenon, each person has a different way of perceiving and reacting. Not to mention that each person lives a unique life, no two are alike. My today and your today, though both are the same today, are two completely independent days. If that's the case, then your today has many things that I'm curious about. The question is, have I ever wondered about your today? I guess not. All I care about is how my today is and equates it with the Today that everyone else is living. For example, if I win the lottery today, I'll want this to happen again and again tomorrow, the day after, and the day after that… While it's quite possible that somewhere in the world, on this very day, a terrible disaster is happening that claims countless lives. And that's how we impose our worldview on everyone else. It's selfish. It's cruel.
And I also discovered something else: by asking others questions, we're pushing them to find answers they'd never thought of. Try asking your mother about her hobbies and what makes her happy, and you'll see she can't answer immediately but will ponder and hesitate for a while. Try asking your girlfriend or wife about how they feel during their period, and you'll see they struggle to find the right words to describe the feeling they experience every month. Try asking your children about who they want to become in five or ten years, and you'll see them choose between what they want and what they know you want from them… The questions we never ask others are sometimes the same questions no one ever asks themselves. How do we feel, what do we think, what do we want to do? You'll never find the answers if you don't ask questions.
Now, as I write these lines, I think of my friend's question about offering sticky rice and chicken as offerings. Suddenly, I find that question no longer strange. I suddenly thought, if my friend dies someday, perhaps I will offer them a giant cup of bubble tea with all the toppings.
