The loneliest person

I am not sure when my mother started to feel lonely? Since the four children went to school far away from home, each time looking for a new place to settle down and busy with the joys and worries of everyday life? Or since we got married and none of us had the chance to be near our parents? Or maybe since every Tet holiday, the eight children, both in-laws and children, and five grandchildren would rush back to visit and congratulate, then a few days later they would rush away like a gust of wind, leaving only one old person in the spacious house, the gentle spring breeze was enough to blow the cold drum through the space?

The spacious house has only one old person left... Illustration photo: Internet

After several years of hard work raising 4 children to adulthood, all of whom were able to study well, my mother finally breathed a sigh of relief, temporarily stopping working to enjoy a leisurely life. The old house was dilapidated and leaking on all sides, so the 4 siblings discussed pooling money to build a new house for mother, 1 ground floor and 1 upper floor. None of the children lived nearby, the village was all a temporary residence, so inside the house and outside the alley, we called workers to install 10 "eyes" of cameras to observe the living situation, health and safety of mother. The cameras were directly connected to 4 phones remotely. During the day, whenever we had free time, we opened the camera management application to check the situation at home.

Mom's day is so simple it hurts: she wakes up at 4:30 in the morning, sits absent-mindedly on the bed for a while, then goes to the kitchen to boil water, simmer green tea, and warm bean porridge for breakfast, then wanders around the garden to dig the ground and pick worms; at noon, she puts on her hat and slowly goes to the market for about 15 minutes, washes, arranges, cooks, and eats for about half an hour and is done; in the afternoon, Mom sits absent-mindedly on the table and chairs in the yard watching the sun, occasionally going into the living room to turn on the TV to hear people...

Mom was afraid of disturbing her children and grandchildren who were busy working and studying, so she never contacted them during the day. Only when she came home late at night, she mostly waited for her children's phone calls. Only when she missed her children so much did she take the initiative to dial the number. She was over 70 years old, accustomed to the sun and water all her life, so even though we tried our best to guide her, she was still not good at using the video calling function. One time, without calling her, she turned on the camera to preview. My heart ached when I saw her staring into the "eye" of the camera, as if she could see her children's faces there. She knew that "eye" helped us see her, but she could not see us. I don't know what she was thinking during those moments - the moments when she missed her children and grandchildren so much, the longing was pressed tightly into the bottom of her eyes and bottom of her heart, not knowing how to satisfy it...

Children have gone to work in different places, leaving only mother alone with quiet meals... Illustration photo: Internet

I suddenly realized that we were really unfilial children. While my mother sat quietly and alone in her house, what were we doing? The eldest brother was cheering with his friends to raise his glass to celebrate the successful project. The second sister and her paternal family were traveling. The third sister was probably at home teaching the two children to study. As for me, after a tiring day of overtime, I looked at my mother through the camera and cried... I - a small and lonely young person in the middle of a big city, every day trying to move forward, racing against deadlines, keeping myself from falling into the stressful cycle of work. I wanted a house, a car, and a top income. I didn't want to be inferior to anyone. I just wanted to go further. Maybe in the eyes of many people, at the age of 25, I was considered a successful young person. But that night, when I looked into my mother's eyes, I realized that I had failed...

My mother and her loneliness pierced my heart. I remembered her calls that I had hung up on because I was in the middle of work, because I was busy chatting with friends, because of countless named and unnamed reasons. I imagined how that quick, panicked beep must have shattered her heart. But she never said anything. She always smiled and encouraged us, always said she was fine. She was fine in the long wait, in the long loneliness…, which we, being so careless, did not realize.

In a book somewhere, I read these lines, as if written to myself:"The loneliest people in the world are actually your parents. Their circle of communication is getting smaller and smaller, their thoughts are getting fewer and fewer, they want to understand you but can't keep up with the times. Even so, they still try to learn how to use a cell phone to call you, learn how to use a computer to read news about you. You don't know how hard they have learned. Therefore, please, please, live well, really well; please, please, please, take good care of yourself, really well. Be so good that your family won't have to worry, because you are their sense of security."