Children 'carrying' adult dreams

Last week, one of the videos that went viral on Facebook was a talk show about children's education. The talk show invited 3 pairs of mothers and children, all 11 years old, in 5th grade. The story mentioned in the talk show is not new, but every year it is "hot", which is the pressure of studying and taking exams on children. The talk show is built in the form of direct questions and answers between mothers and children. In it, there are many haunting conversations:

- What should I do to become a good person?

Yes, I need to study well.

- What should I do to study well?

Yes, I study a lot.

In another mother-son couple, the mother told her soccer-loving child that playing sports was a waste of time, and promised that if all of the child’s test scores were 9 or 10, she would let him play soccer as a gift. Mothers have very… macroscopic “philosophies” in raising their children: The more self-disciplined the child is, the more freedom; Parents only do good things for their children; If a child wants to be successful, he must be able to withstand pressure…

Honestly, adults watching this talk show, listening to the mothers teaching their children to follow the rules also feel suffocated. The 3 children participating in the program have never had a score below 9 on their academic records, their childhood revolves around endless exams and tests that seem to never end. Studying becomes a burden, knowledge is an obsession, and they "carry" the burden, that obsession is heavy and vague, moving forward, towards the distant, sparkling future that their parents draw: they will be good students, they will represent the school in exams, they will win scholarships to study abroad, they will be successful...

The host asked the mothers: Have you ever asked your child what he really wants? After a moment of silence, a mother answered, roughly: Actually, he just said that, but at a young age, he still thinks one-sidedly and doesn't know what's good for him! - So that means even if he says what he wants, you won't listen seriously, right? - The host continued to ask. And this time, the silence was very long...

Once, somewhere on Facebook, facing the reality of some cases of minors being depressed due to study pressure leading to foolish actions, a few people exclaimed: Nowhere is it as difficult to be a child as in Vietnam! I think differently. In Vietnam or anywhere else, there are the same difficulties. No matter what, the measure of education through degrees is still a standard that society looks at, examines, then praises, compares and compares.

Anyone who is an international student or works in a foreign corporation or enterprise is familiar with the question: Which school did you graduate from?; and feels greatly admired if the answer is a top university in the Ivy League group (a group of leading universities in the US such as: Harvard University, Yale University, Princeton University, University of Pennsylvania, Brown University, Columbia University...).

So, back to what was said above, whether we like it or not, education and degrees are highly valued by society in general, opening up many favorable options for the future path, so it is understandable that the pressure of studying and taking exams unconsciously weighs heavily on every family, every parent, every child! Every child is the hope of their parents, family, and clan, so to make that hope burn, everyone focuses on taking care of, worrying about, and orienting the child's future, to ensure that their education is complete, and that they will have enough degrees to face life in the future. Studying thus becomes a fierce race, and the child - the athlete on the pitch just runs headlong without even understanding where the destination is, or what the destination is for. Children run around diligently because their parents say that's the only way to ensure a happy future, but what about the present - millions of moments buried in books, forgetting all the joys of childhood - are they happy?

“No, I don’t feel happy, I don’t feel happy at all!” - the 11-year-old child answered the talk show host like that. “I don’t want to go to a specialized school, that’s what my mother wants.” The mother was surprised when her child answered like that. “So what do you want?” - “I want to both study and play. I know studying is necessary, but playing is also necessary, Mom. There are many games that also teach us lessons, Mom. And I want you to listen to me more.”

Listening more seems to be the secret to all the troubles of this life. Listening to children is not as difficult as we think, if we truly listen with a mindset of respecting differences, thereby finding harmonious solutions to all problems. Listening is the source of removing burdens, so that learning goes hand in hand with the joy of receiving new knowledge, not with the pressure of fear. Listening is also the first step for the process of equal exchange, so that we do not hastily deny our children's wishes and also for parents to express their wishes. I wish that listening and understanding existed in every family, so that the children's small shoulders would not be bent down by their parents' big dreams, but would truly walk upright on the path of knowledge with their own wishes, based on the support and loving guidance of their parents.