Be yourself

When I was a child, I always wished and imagined that I would become someone, like Ms. A. who studied abroad in the US, like Mr. B. who worked in a foreign corporation, like Ms. C. who had a natural gift for humor, like Ms. D. who always dressed with charisma that made everyone fall in love with her… But the older I got, the more I realized that looking at someone and imitating them to create an ego that was similar to them was not difficult; the hardest thing in this world was to truly become yourself.

For a long time, I suffered from The Missing Tile Syndrome. Those interested in psychology probably know about this syndrome, which is most clearly manifested by the tendency to focus on what others have that you don't.

For example, when I enter a coffee shop, I often look at and think a lot about girls with slim bodies, and compare them to my own somewhat plump body; or when talking to someone with beautiful, thick, shiny hair, I often unconsciously run my hand through my sparse hair; sometimes in a conference, I pay close attention to the speaker not because of the interesting content, but just because of small things like "Oh, he pronounces the last word so softly, it sounds so good!", "This lady has a habit of lifting her hand so gracefully!"...

This syndrome sounds like a small thing, but no, over time, it actually brings many consequences. Focusing too much on other people's strengths makes me deepen my self-consciousness about my own weaknesses, and over time, I feel like I don't have any significant advantages. I deny myself, abandon my beautiful things. I become a pale photocopy of a "social machine". I am me but also not me. In the fog of comparison, I didn't realize that I also have countless lovable, adorable things, and many people also compliment my eyes, smile, storytelling style, quick and intelligent mind.

I have come to realize that comparing myself and trying to look like someone else does not make me perfect, but on the contrary, it makes my life obscure. I have learned to look deep into myself, accept, acknowledge and appreciate my own unique qualities.

Special things can be advantages, or disadvantages. When we look at the disadvantages with gentleness and tolerance, we will see that each crack has its own story. The chubby person, perhaps because of being haunted by a poor and miserable childhood, needs to eat well to feel satisfied and safe? The person with scraggly hair, perhaps because of the years of struggling with their parents on the dike and in the fields to make a living? The person with skinny and ugly hands, but has 10 fingers to embroider, sew, and arrange flowers skillfully?

That's it, when we learn to accept ourselves as we are, we will see that we are full of beautiful things, we shine in our own way, and our flaws, whether hidden or obvious, still have their own value.

Becoming a copy of someone else is not difficult, but becoming yourself is extremely difficult. No one in this world is perfect, and there is no standard for perfection. Therefore, focus more on yourself, practice to enhance your strengths, and improve to reduce your weaknesses. Life is what we choose, the path is ours to walk, so each person's life is complete according to their own frame of reference, without needing to look at anyone else.