Be yourself

When I was little, I always dreamed and imagined myself becoming someone, like Ms. A, a student studying in America; like Mr. B, who worked for a foreign corporation; like Ms. C, who had a natural talent for witty conversation; like Ms. D, who always dressed so stylishly that everyone admired her… But the older I got, the more I realized that it's not difficult to look at someone and imitate them to create a similar version of myself; the hardest thing in the world is to truly become yourself.

For a long time, I experienced symptoms of The Missing Tile Syndrome. Those interested in psychology are likely familiar with this syndrome, most notably the tendency to focus attention on what others possess that one lacks.

For example, when I walk into a coffee shop, I often gaze at and think a lot about girls with slender figures, comparing them to my slightly plump body; or when chatting with someone with thick, shiny hair, I unconsciously reach up to run my hand through my own sparse hair; sometimes at a conference, I pay close attention to the speaker not because of the interesting or engaging content, but simply because of small things like, "Wow, he pronounces the last word so softly, it sounds so nice!", "This lady has such a graceful way of raising her hand!"...

This syndrome might sound like a minor issue, but over time, it actually has serious consequences. Focusing too much on other people's strengths only deepened my insecurity about my weaknesses, and gradually, I felt like I had no significant strengths at all. I denied myself, rejecting my own positive qualities. I became a pale, photocopied version of a "social machine." I was myself, yet not really me. In the fog of comparison, I failed to realize that I also possessed countless admirable qualities, and many people praised my eyes, smile, storytelling style, and quick, intelligent mind.

I'm increasingly realizing that comparing myself to others and striving to be like them doesn't make me more perfect; on the contrary, it plunges my life into darkness. I'm learning to look deep within myself, accepting, acknowledging, and appreciating my own unique qualities.

Unique qualities can be both advantages and disadvantages. When we view flaws with gentleness and tolerance, we see that each imperfection holds a unique story. Perhaps a chubby person is haunted by a childhood of poverty and hardship, needing sufficient food to feel satisfied and secure? Perhaps someone with dry, brittle hair is the result of years of toiling alongside their parents in the fields to make ends meet? Perhaps someone with thin, unattractive hands possesses ten fingers, skilled at embroidery, sewing, and flower arranging?

That's it, when we learn to accept ourselves as we are, we will see that we are also full of beautiful things, we shine in our own way, and our flaws, whether subtle or obvious, still have their own value.

Becoming a copy of someone else isn't difficult, but becoming yourself is incredibly challenging. No one in this world is perfect, and there's no standard for perfection. Therefore, focus more on yourself, cultivate your strengths, and minimize your weaknesses. Life is your choice, your path is your own, so each person's life is complete within their own frame of reference, without needing to be compared to anyone else.