20 tips from a preschool teacher for parents

Parents think that 3-4 year olds always need support, however educators believe that children are capable of doing many things on their own.

Parents page shares advice from preschool teachers in the US on raising children.

1. Expect more

Most people live up to expectations, including young children. “In school, we expect kids to pour their own water, clear their plates at lunch, hang up their coats, and they do,” says Jennifer Zebooker, a teacher at the 92nd Street Y preschool in New York City. “But then they walk out of the classroom, suck their thumbs, and go back to sitting in their strollers.” In fact, when parents raise expectations, kids are more likely to meet them.

2. Don't help with things children can do themselves

Be patient and let your child handle things that are within their capabilities instead of getting impatient and doing them for them just to get them done faster. “Whenever I want my child to put on his coat or sit in a chair at the table, I gently ask, ‘Do you want me to help you, or can you do it yourself?’ Those words are like magic, because children always want to do it themselves,” suggests Donna Jones, a teacher at the Schneider Children’s Center at Southern Oregon University.

3. Don't correct what your child has just done.

If your child makes his own bed, resist the urge to smooth the sheets. If he chooses a combination of stripes and polka dots, praise the unique style. Kathy Buss, principal of Weekday Preschool in Morrisville, Pennsylvania, believes that unless absolutely necessary, don’t correct your child’s work. Your child will notice your actions and become discouraged.

4. Let children solve simple problems

If you see your child trying to assemble a toy or get a book off a shelf that he or she could reach on a ladder, stop and watch before helping. “As long as they’re safe, the moment you don’t rush in and give them a little time to figure it out on their own is when character is being built. You want everything to be perfect, but you’re robbing your child of the opportunity to experience success for themselves,” says Zebooker.

5. Assign work

Raising preschoolers is confusing for many parents. Illustration: Reality Moms

Putting children in charge of simple daily tasks builds responsibility and confidence, and a sense of competence. A child who is given the task of watering the plants believes that he can dress himself or feed himself. Just make sure that the task is within your control and that it is a real, meaningful contribution like any other family member. Preschoolers will know the difference if you assign meaningless tasks just to keep them busy.

6. Praise

Walk into many preschool classrooms and you will see children sitting quietly in circles or rows, raising their hands to speak. The question is, how do teachers get so many children to cooperate? Praise is key. At the same time, you are shaping your child’s behavior because children will repeat what gets noticed by others.

7. Develop predictable routines

According to Beth Cohan-Dorfman, education coordinator at Concordia Avondale Campus preschool in Chicago, children cooperate in school because they know what to expect. “They take turns doing the same things every day, so they quickly learn what to do and eventually don’t need to be reminded,” Cohan-Dorfman says.

Although it can be difficult to establish order and routine at home, the more consistent you are, the easier it will be for your child to cooperate. Establish some routines such as getting dressed before sitting at the breakfast table, washing hands when coming home from playing outside, etc. Children will gradually follow the family rules.

8. Encouragement

If your child refuses to do something, turn it into a game. “Humor and games are great approaches that many parents sometimes forget,” Zebooker notes. When her son was little, she had a special way to convince him to put on his shoes in the morning. She would say in a playful voice, “Welcome to Miss Mommy’s Shoe Store, I have the perfect pair for you to try on today.”

9. Change Alert

When you need to turn off the TV, stop playing to eat, or go to someone's house, give your child a heads up so they can finish what they're doing. If you need to leave at 8:30, tell them at 8:15 that they have a few more minutes to play, then they have to stop.

10. Offer rewards with caution

If you are not careful, you can easily make your child do things just to get a reward, without grasping the true meaning of that work, such as having to clean up the toys because the whole family is about to go to the dining room. You should only give rewards for tasks that require more effort than everyday tasks like brushing teeth or getting dressed.

11. Make calculated choices

If your three-year-old doesn’t want to sit at the dinner table, you can offer him the choice of sitting and having dessert, or not sitting and skipping dinner. He may not make the right choice at first, but he will gradually change for the better when he realizes that the wrong choice doesn’t get him what he wants. Just be careful to make choice B less appealing when you want him to follow choice A.

12. Don't say "if"

When you make the assumption, “If you finish cleaning up the crayons, we can go to the park,” your child is being given the idea that he or she may not need to finish cleaning up. Instead, try saying, “When you finish cleaning up the crayons, we can go to the park.”

13. Prioritize play

Children learn a lot through play. Illustration: Christian Mingle

Preschool teachers constantly talk about how kids today play less than they did 10-20 years ago. Instead, supervised activities take up most of their day. Say to your child casually, “Let’s go play!” and then prepare materials like paper, paint, cardboard boxes, dough, etc. to let your child’s imagination run wild.

14. Make use of music

Sandy Haines, a teacher at Buckingham Preschool in Glastonbury, Connecticut, says using music in activities can help your child feel more engaged. You might suggest a “race” to the song: “Can you get dressed before Raffi finishes singing Yellow Submarine?”

15. Encourage teamwork

If your child is fighting over a toy with another child, set a time limit for each child to play. You might set a timer for five minutes and tell them that when the bell rings, your child has to give up the toy because it's your turn.

16. Let your child resolve small conflicts.

When your child is in a "fight", you should not always come in to "rescue" them, unless you see fighting.

17. Distraction to practice discipline

If your child is jumping up and down on the couch or grabbing her sister's doll, distract her by asking if she would like to draw a picture or read a short story together.

18. Avoid tearful goodbyes

Children often feel anxious when they are away from their parents, so give them something that reminds them of you, such as a picture or a paper heart. This can help soothe them.

19. Instructions for correcting mistakes

If you see your child drawing on the wall, ask him to clean it up. If he knocks over another child's toy tower, he should help you put it back together.

20. Don't delay discipline

If your child deserves a reprimand, you should deal with it right away. Buss says she sometimes hears parents say, “Wait until we get home…” but by then, the child has forgotten. Likewise, canceling Saturday’s trip to the zoo because of something that happened on Thursday is not a deterrent to preschoolers.

According to VNE