Society

Lesson 1: "Nightmare" under the roofs

Diep Thanh, Thanh Nga • November 29, 2024 09:11

Women who were often beaten and mentally pressured after years of suffering spoke out about the hidden problems of their lives. For them, suffering terrible violence from alcoholic husbands and mistresses had become a daily routine, with no way to escape.

Thanh Nga - Diep Thanh | Publication date: November 27, 2024

LESSON 1:
"Nightmare" under the roofs

Thanks to the Gender-Based Violence Prevention Project of Hagar International in Vietnam, women who are often beaten and mentally pressured after many years of suffering have been able to speak out about the hidden problems of their lives...

Horrible beatings

Anyone who hears the life story of Ms. HTL in Hamlet 2, Quynh Luong Commune, Quynh Luu District will feel sorry for her extreme suffering. As a smart, beautiful, and studious girl, everyone thought that after graduating from Vinh University of Education, Ms. L.'s life would turn a new page with a bright future. But after getting married, her dream of happiness had not yet taken shape when she fell into a series of incidents.

Of her three sons, only the middle son is normal, the other two are autistic and cannot take care of themselves. Thinking that his wife is useless, her husband changed his mind, despised her, openly had an affair and attacked and abused her both physically and mentally. Having a blood clotting disease, the beatings against her became even more terrible. The climax was when her husband beat her until her spleen was crushed in the middle of the night, blood filled her abdomen, she fainted but no one knew...

“I am very afraid of being beaten, but that fear is not as great as the fear of my children not having a father. I know that every time I am beaten, my children suffer deep psychological trauma, but what can I do? Their grandparents have both passed away, there is no one else to rely on…” - Ms. L. confided.

Also in Quynh Luong commune, in addition to Ms. L.'s story, people also sympathize with the fate of Mrs. NTT (Hamlet 5). Her family was poor, but because her husband wanted a son, she gave birth to 8 daughters. The children often had to witness their mother being beaten by their father. "Before, he was not that cruel, but because he was ridiculed and looked down upon for not having a son, he became depressed and turned to alcohol to relieve his boredom. Whenever he got drunk, he would find trouble to beat me" - Mrs. T. confided.

Suffering the same pain as Ms. L., Ms. T., for most of her life, was always in a state of anxiety and fear. The reason why Ms. T. was beaten by her husband stemmed from blind jealousy. Because of her blindness, her husband often listened to the instigation and provocation of bad people and tortured her with life-threatening beatings with hoes, shovels, knives, sticks...

The above stories are part of the gray picture, with many hidden corners of domestic violence in Quynh Luu in particular and Nghe An in general. There are many more heartbreaking and terrible situations…

Persistent obsession

As a person who directly participated and witnessed many cases of domestic violence in the commune, Mr. Ho Dien Canh shared: “Quynh Thang is a commune with a large area and sparsely populated houses, so detecting and managing domestic violence is very difficult. Victims themselves will also find it difficult to seek help in emergency situations. We have witnessed cases where the husband is very reckless, which can endanger both the children and the mediators.”

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In our area, domestic violence takes many forms. From mental violence to physical violence, sexual violence. Every story haunts the listener and every victim is traumatized and scared.

Mr. Ho Nguyen Tuan - Vice Chairman of Quynh Luong Commune People's Committee

Mr. Ho Nguyen Tuan - Vice Chairman of Quynh Luong Commune People's Committee shared: "In our area, domestic violence has many forms. From mental violence to physical violence, sexual violence. There are women whose breasts were bitten by their husbands, some whose husbands sprayed them with cold water in the middle of the winter night, some who did not dare to sleep because they were afraid their husbands would kill them at any time, and some who fell into depression... Every story haunts the listener and every victim is traumatized and afraid."

Mr. Le Xuan Dong, former coordinator of the Gender-Based Violence Prevention Project, Hagar International in Vietnam, said: The majority still mistakenly believe that risk factors leading to violence are the main cause of domestic violence. Specifically, about 1/3 of respondents said that the main cause of domestic violence is men drinking alcohol, gambling/having a lover/being addicted. The rest blame women for being clumsy, not knowing how to behave, economic difficulties, or the violent nature of men...

However, the root of domestic violence is the notion that the person who has the power to decide on family matters must be the husband/man; a good wife must obey her husband; it is wise for a wife to remain silent when being abused to protect the family's reputation... Surveys show that those who commit violence themselves have also experienced psychological trauma in the past. If the root of the problem is not understood, domestic violence will have no end.