Boomerang or Arrow: What Kind of Parent Are You?

The world is divided into: rich dads - poor dads, Tiger moms, Bear moms, Japanese moms, Korean moms, and all kinds of moms... but in my simple thinking, all parents in the world can be divided into two groups: Boomerang parents (borrowed from the name of a weapon thrown by Australian Aborigines that flies to the target and then returns to the thrower) and Arrow parents, not based on economic conditions or education, but based on what you want your child to become.

Boomerang image of Australian Aborigines. Photo: Internet

If you are a Boomerang parent, it does not mean that you are raising your children in the Australian style, but that your education is making your children become boomerangs like the Australian Aborigines. That is, no matter how much you spend your youth, money and wealth, time and effort to "launch" your children into life, no matter how hard you try, to Europe or America, the children will still return to the same starting point: the protective arms of their parents and bring back nothing but disappointment - even a collapse of trust for their parents. This is something that many people have encountered and are experiencing.

A friend of mine, after spending a couple of billions to send her son to study abroad, is a typical Boomerang parent. The 22-year-old boy returned, the only difference was that he had transformed from a Rich Kid to a real Big Kid. He still stayed up all night and slept all day, played games all week and couldn't be patient enough to do anything other than wait for his mother to cook and call him down to eat. For a whole year after returning home, this "huge expectation" still didn't consider leaving home and doing a job to make a living. Some people said the job paid little, some said it wasn't up to par, some said it was too much...so he only did the most suitable job, which was staying at home: eating and sleeping.

Unable to laugh, unable to cry, my friend did not know how to deal with the boomerang called “her child”, wrapped in pants worth tens of millions, shirts worth hundreds of dollars, and whose contribution to society is still the wrong answer in all calculations. Loving children more than loving oneself, loving children more than loving oneself... often shows the way for children to quickly move towards an attitude of ingratitude - indifference and living a life of waste even when they are young.

Other people's children and our own children. Illustration: Internet

I think the above story is inevitable when the average living needs only require 1 dong, the child has not complained about lack, the parents have already provided 2 dong because they are afraid that the child will lack. And gradually, sooner or later, the child naturally demands to have 3 dong simply because he is the child of his parents, and for no other reason. When the child does not need to work hard to study, because before taking the exam, the parents have already prepared the income, when he grows up, he does not need to worry about working because the parents have already prepared a chair for him to sit on... and eagerly live the life of the child. Even playing the role of grandparents and parents of the child if the child has grown up but is not yet mature.

Arrow parents choose differently. They also work hard to raise their children throughout their youth like a bow stretched to shoot an arrow quickly forward - to the future. The arrow shot out can never come back, and the "arrow" children are the same, rarely bothering their parents, living with more self-respect and responsibility than the boomerang generation. Simply because arrow parents are always sincere with their children, making them clearly aware of the family's real circumstances and conditions, helping their children build a "bull's eye" - a vision of their future life based on their own abilities, and enthusiastically cheering for their efforts rather than forcing them.

They master the most primitive skill of all animals: planning and organizing life, and preparing their children for an independent life when they grow up. They also overcome themselves and their natural emotions to cut off all opportunities - the seeds of dependence; never use their own lives as a backup plan for their children's future. They clearly understand the limitations of time, and the vital need for self-reliance. They clearly distinguish between love and educational responsibility; so that the "arrow" children cannot easily find a redundant point of support, and are forced to live their lives in the most meaningful, most effortful, and most worth-living way.

Play and learn with your child. Photo: Hai Vuong

“Love enough” is always more lasting than “love unconditionally.”

Once I asked my dad: "Dad, is our family rich?". He replied: "I am, but you are not." I asked him again: "Do you have any expectations of me?". He said: "No, I don't have any expectations, you just need to live a decent life." I playfully asked back: "What if I don't live a decent life?". "It's okay, you will have to take responsibility for your own life for your lack of kindness. It's my life, you don't have to live and suffer for me, so don't worry." After that sentence, I suddenly woke up after more than ten years of sleeping and dreaming about my dad's future protection; and I've been awake until now.

Boomerang or arrow? Choose boldly for a restful old age.