Homosexuality - a hidden side

(Baonghean)In today's society, although views on homosexuality have become somewhat more open, the majority of gay people still live in secrecy due to persistent discrimination. Behind the facade of seemingly no different status, gay people also have hidden aspects that not everyone knows. They always long for a peaceful and meaningful life…

The first MSM group in Vinh

Amidst the flickering candlelight, the "main characters" of the party beamed with congratulations. "These are two very active members of our group," Nam whispered to me. Each month, the group celebrates the birthdays of its members at a sidewalk cafe. Besides me, a "stranger," most of those present were members of the MSM group that Nam had introduced us to (MSM is an acronym for men who are homosexual).

Nam was one of the first members to join the group and is now a peer educator working on an HIV/AIDS prevention project in Nghe An. His job involves reaching out to people with same-sex sexual orientation, persuading them to join the group to help them access knowledge about their sexuality, and advising them on how to prevent the risks of sexually transmitted infections. Nam shared: “People with same-sex instincts like us are a minority, easily misunderstood and ostracized by society, so they often hide their identities. They often feel lonely and are prone to extreme psychological states. They live in seclusion with their different natural instincts, which further increases the risk of HIV transmission in the community.”

We also met Mr. Thanh, a peer educator for one of the first "spontaneous" MSM groups in Vinh. Mr. Thanh confided: "Most people still don't understand or accept that homosexuality is a natural instinct, only thinking of it as a deviant lifestyle. People need to know that homosexuals also always strive for a happy and meaningful life." With that in mind, for several years now, whenever he has the opportunity to travel to the South or North, he makes time to approach and learn about organizations for homosexuals. From there, he planned to establish a group for homosexuals in Vinh.

He stated that reaching gay people is very difficult because most of them keep it a secret and are afraid to admit it. However, contrary to this mindset, their natural sexual instincts are very strong, leading to complex psychological issues that can have negative consequences for the community. "Without peer educators, reaching gay people is extremely difficult. Therefore, it would be impossible to disseminate information on preventing HIV infection within the gay community," Thành affirmed.

To become peer educators working on HIV/AIDS prevention projects funded by non-governmental organizations in Vietnam, Thanh and Nam had to undergo a probationary period as community collaborators. They participated in training courses on gender knowledge, reproductive health, sexual health, and skills to protect themselves and prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases. Monthly, the peer educators had to maintain communication with their regular gay clients and reach out to new members to help them understand and participate in group activities. Nam confided, "The work is challenging because most people don't have the right perspective and don't truly empathize with gay people. But we believe that if all gay people strive for a positive and meaningful life, they will be recognized fairly!"

Birthday celebration for a member of an MSM group.

"Secrets" need to be shared.

Nam was born and raised in a poor rural area. His school days were spent flying kites, tending buffaloes, and wading in the midday sun to catch fish in the flooded rice paddies during the dry season. He was doted on by his parents because he was well-behaved and the best student in the family. Hoping their talented son would achieve success through education, his parents decided to let Nam continue his studies while his older brother and younger sister went to work abroad.
“Nothing would have changed if that hadn’t happened…” – Nam hesitated, then stopped mid-sentence. “I wanted to bury my gender ‘secret’ deep down, I wished it had never existed, you know…” Nam recounted that when he was in 11th grade, his body began to show unusual signs. At that age, he was the most handsome and mature among his peers. However, while boys and girls were exchanging poems and writing in their school yearbooks about their first crushes, Nam lived with a different feeling: that sacred feeling, his heart was only drawn to… someone of the same sex. For Nam, in his wandering thoughts, fleeting dreams, and desires… only the image of boys appeared.

He felt everything becoming clearer and clearer, and began to understand. His mind was haunted by thoughts of those distant people, whom society called "the third gender." Would he become one of them? Would he forever be someone who only loved people of the same sex? These thoughts followed him even into his dreams, causing him to burst into tears. Nam didn't have the courage to tell her, not even his mother – who always loved him unconditionally and was his emotional support. "The day I packed my bags to go to Vinh to study, I cried a lot. Life was so uncertain," Nam recalled.

Nam isn't the only one with such feelings. In reality, discrimination against homosexuals is quite evident, especially among those who don't know, understand, or aren't close to them. As a result, they often distance themselves and even show signs of "boycotting." In places like schools, workplaces, and social organizations, homosexuals are often treated as "marginalized," ridiculed, and scorned. And this discrimination is even more intense from family and relatives. Often, family members use every means to prevent their children from engaging in same-sex relationships when they learn about it. This ranges from very "affectionate" advice to harsh measures, such as banning them from going out, and even physical abuse, or taking them to hospitals for treatment in the hope of "changing" their sexual orientation.

Faced with these challenges, homosexuals are afraid to reveal their true sexual orientation and live a double life: they marry, have children, but maintain relationships with other homosexuals. They often engage in same-sex sexual activity in secret places, but lack access to or the means to use protective measures for safe sex. Due to fear of stigma, they are unwilling or reluctant to seek medical services when they are ill.

These factors increase the risk of HIV or other sexually transmitted infections in this group. They also represent a potential source of HIV transmission to society. Facing stigma and living in disguise also makes many gay people susceptible to depression, leading them to turn to alcohol, drugs, or multiple sexual partners, and engage in behaviors harmful to their health. These behaviors, in turn, exacerbate the stigma surrounding gay people, further exacerbating prejudice and marginalization. Everything falls into a vicious cycle, with no way out…

There are many reasons why many people harbor prejudice and discrimination against homosexuals, primarily due to a lack of knowledge and misconceptions. It's crucial to understand that sexual orientation is not a choice, but something inherent at birth, and homosexuality is not a disease and is not contagious. At the same time, homosexuals also need to "express themselves" by leading healthy lives...
________

(The character names in the article have been changed)

Text and photos: Trong Hung (Vinh City)