Conflict resolution

(Baonghean) - Every family has its share of problems and disagreements; logically speaking, there are conflicts, right?

But my approach to resolving family conflicts was somewhat unconventional, leading to results that surprised even me.

My family consists of three people (my wife, myself, and our son), and there are clearly three pairs of conflicts: the fundamental conflict between me and my wife (because it breeds other conflicts), the conflict between me and my son (from the moment he was in his mother's womb), and finally, the conflict between my wife and my son (although an external conflict, it greatly affects me). Generally speaking, all three fall under the category of internal conflicts within the family.

Since the factory where I worked went bankrupt and I lost my job, the conflict between me and my wife has been incredibly tense. The problem is, my wife's teacher's salary is barely enough for frugal living, and because of my despair, I've become addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. In just a few minutes, I'd smoke an entire pack, causing my wife and children to cough uncontrollably.

I had already prepared the divorce papers, carefully typed three copies, and signed them clearly. When the conflict escalated to the point where my wife angrily threatened to cut off my allowance for alcohol and medicine, I would present them and say in a cold voice: "Okay, just sign here. You go your way, I go mine, end the civil war." That was all it took; my wife's face would turn pale, and her rage would immediately subside.

- That's all I can advise you. I know! Once you're addicted, it's impossible to quit.

To mend any conflict, I always make sure my evening meal includes some delicious snacks, a bottle of rice wine, and a pack of fragrant cigarettes—I love that!

When it comes to my son, I resolve conflicts using the "make-no" method (just ignore him).

Never mind that he's neglecting his studies, never mind that he's playing games all day, never mind that he's fighting outside of school, and finally, never mind that he's skipping school to hang out.

Once one side of the conflict has settled, the other side (me) is free to relax. To be honest with you, lately I've been transforming the pain of unemployment into poetry and hope my first collection will be a hit during the April Book Day event.

At this point, the conflict between mother and son reached its peak. Sometimes the mother would cry, "I don't want to live with a good-for-nothing son like you," and other times the son would threaten to run away. Then my wife would try to soothe him, saying, "Quiet down so Dad can write some poetry."

But then the turning point came. By the time I finished preparing the manuscript for my 100-poem collection, the other two sides of the conflict were no longer living with me. My wife was forced to sign the divorce papers because she couldn't bear it any longer, and my child was ready to go with her. They had become part of a different system of conflict, beyond my control.

Now I am left with only loneliness and regret. Please help me restore the conflicts that I foolishly let slip away.

Quynh Tho