Happiness comes to those who know how to live slowly

Three times a week, I take my son from District 7 to Thu Duc, overcoming more than 20km of traffic jams, dust, and occasional high tides... to practice health in a communal house. My son has one hour to practice with the teacher. During that time, I usually sit on a stone bench reading a book, or practice health with the people around me. My phone is turned off during that time if I am not waiting for a previous appointment. The quiet space of the communal house sometimes makes even the phone sound awkward.

You may wonder why health exercises and not physical exercises. Why go that far… Health exercises can be simply understood as advanced physical exercises. Physical exercises are based on each person’s different condition. People with strokes have exercises to restore functions, people with colds and coughs will have different exercises for back pain. The teacher is the head of a traditional martial arts school and his disciples guide those who come to practice together.

My son practices so that he can train to concentrate and think better. In addition to intervention with individual psychotherapy hours and a suitable study program, the teacher also supports health exercises suitable to the child's ability.

Sometimes, I feel like I get a mental break when I go there.

That communal house was built only a few decades ago, not sure if it was built by Northern laborers who contributed their money or because it was located in a poor Northern working class area, but it had a strong Northern character. Sometimes I felt like I was standing in the middle of a communal house in my hometown when I was at Binh Phu communal house. There was a large casuarina tree swaying in the wind right in the middle of the communal house yard. Birds made nests on the top of the casuarina, on the hollows, the curved roof of the communal house, chirping in the honey-colored afternoon sunlight that poured across the yard. The sky above that large yard often welcomed late afternoon flights rushing to the nearby airport. There were a few brothers and sisters in the communal house who spoke with a pure Thanh Nghe Tinh accent. For me - someone who sometimes suddenly got bored with the sounds of the city, that space was quite ideal.

I found the slow pace of life that suited me in that space.

* * * * *

“Are you an expert on special children?”

The man over 50 was doing physical exercises in the communal house yard, stopped and asked me. The question was quite strange, it made people think of mockery. Especially when just a few seconds ago, my little boy was uncooperative with the teacher by screaming loudly and throwing a tantrum. His voice made everyone focus their eyes on where he was practicing with the teacher and also on where his mother was standing. But his sincere eyes made me answer:

- I am still learning from many sources…

- Yes, you have to learn. Only when you are an expert can you help your child overcome its barriers and succeed.

- Can you live slowly?

- …

I was silent for a moment because it was difficult to explain this question, in this situation.

My son was a special boy – The man said. Don’t say slow living, I feel like I’m stuck in this life. The feeling of being stuck in life is a million times more uncomfortable than when you’re stuck in a traffic jam.

The boy came home from school with his head down like this – the man looked down, his chin jutting out in frustration. He said, I won’t go to school anymore, Dad.

Why?

Not going to school means not going to school. - He angrily stormed off and slammed the door.

That was when he was 8 years old.

She confided in her little sister – the little girl who didn’t understand anything yet – that her parents had heard that her big brother had been rejected by his friends and that they wouldn’t play with him because he was a bad student. He didn’t understand anything in class and couldn’t talk to his friends because no one understood what his big brother said.

I understood that he was being isolated. My heart ached for him. My first quick action was to prepare a large envelope to give to the teachers, the nanny, and buy candy and toys for his classmates. But when I stopped and thought slowly and carefully, I understood that I was only solving the problem at the surface. The essence of the problem had not changed. My son still wanted to drop out of school. His friends no longer called him stupid, but the childish eyes could not lie and still showed contempt.

I packed up all my work and went to Singapore to study about child psychology. A 6-month course and every year after that, I read books and consulted with experts and doctors.

I told my son that his friends were wrong. He couldn't learn math at school because the teachers didn't suit his learning style. My son likes to learn about images and has a particular difficulty seeing letters and numbers on the black and white board, so I had to learn to make clips and videos about learning math, learning letters in all the colors of the rainbow. The letters and numbers also had to know how to dance, cry and laugh like him and accompany them with the melodies he liked. 3 years later, my son could read and do basic addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. During those 3 years, there were days when I only slept 3-4 hours.

If I just leave my child alone in society, he will be society's child. When I embrace him and shape him in my own way, I believe he will be my child, able to develop according to my expectations, even though each child's development level is different. My child develops slowly, that's okay, it just means that both me and him have to try harder than children with normal development.

Children who are hurt are actually very sensitive, and parents sometimes ignore this. My child always asks me: "Really, Dad?" when I tell him that his friends are wrong and he is right. This is simply giving him the strength of faith and joy. When he has no ability, the least he needs is faith and joy. Solving this problem is not easy. My child likes a certain dish at a restaurant, when he compliments it, I say: "Okay, I will cook this really delicious dish for you." Immediately, I have to learn how to cook that dish, cook it to his taste so that he feels it is more delicious than at the restaurant. The food may not be more delicious, but a spacious, cool house with some music that he likes will make him more satisfied. For many years before that, I did not cook. It's okay. People who are stopping everything outside of society will have more time to arrange things than all those who are rushing forward.

When God gives parents a special child, it is because He wants to test their courage and perseverance. He certainly does not want to hear complaints, but wants to see efforts. Everyone loves their children, but only parents who can become experts can help their children excel.

One day I realized I was an expert even though I had stopped working for a long time and my friends had become this and that. When I stopped everything, people called me an expert in my field. Now no one calls me an expert after nearly 10 years of stopping. It’s okay, I’m happy that I’ve slowed down and my children have surpassed me.

Now he is 16 years old, he is not good at everything (I believe no one is good at everything) but he has quite a few results leading the class, such as English and swimming. Recently, he also won first prize in the culinary competition at school when cooking some dishes that I taught him. And I am a happy father.

* * * * *

The happy story of that father spread in me, a mother who sometimes still feels stuck in this life. On the canopy of the casuarinas, the honey-colored sunlight poured down in long streaks and the birds chirped, chirped.

Slow down to be happy, not just listening to the birds and watching the sunlight…

10/15/2018 (I will write this milestone date, for the day a strange man changed my mind).