Mom, don't hit me.

Many young people are scolded, insulted, and abused by their parents every day. They feel depressed, heartbroken, and even do not want to live.

The haunting words

A small survey by the writer with young people who are students led to surprising results: some people are often "spoken harshly" by their parents, while others are "scolded and cursed with the worst words" by their parents "every time they see them".

THH, a 10th grade student at Marie Curie High School (District 3, Ho Chi Minh City), said: “My mother often cursed me with sentences like: giving birth to someone like you is a waste of energy, if I knew I would have a child like you, I would have pinched my nose right after giving birth.” “Those curses are so haunting. Sometimes when I think about them, tears flow,” THH said sadly.

NTQ, a 7th grade student at Luong Dinh Cua Secondary School (District 2, Ho Chi Minh City), said he felt frustrated when his father insulted and scolded him every day. Sometimes he was told “you’re stupider than a cow”, sometimes he received the words: “You should die, why live”, “I don’t have an ignorant person like you”…

There are many cases like Q. and H., and there are even students who have encountered similar situations. “Once in front of my friends, my mother beat me and said bitter words like you are a species, not a human. I felt so humiliated,” VTQ, (from An Giang), a student at the University of Finance and Marketing, Ho Chi Minh City, confided.

Master of Psychology Nguyen Ngoc Duy, Director of Khoi Nguon Center for Diagnosis and Spiritual Development (HCMC), also admitted that this is a true story that has been happening every day.

Psychologist Dr. Bui Hong Quan, Department of Labor, Invalids and Social Affairs of Ho Chi Minh City, said that in the process of psychological counseling for young people, he had encountered such heartbreaking cases and stories. Not only words, but also the attitude of alienation, contempt and denial of parents towards their children. According to Mr. Quan, this is regrettable and blameworthy for parents, and pitiful for young people who fall into such situations.

Want to run away far away

NTQ shared that every time his father scolded him like that, he felt extremely pessimistic and desperate, he just wanted to leave home, run far away, and never see his father again. "Because being scolded by his father every day, it was very heartbreaking."

NTHT, a student at Hong Bang International University, said she felt tired when thinking about her family and her parents. “Because home is no longer a peaceful and happy place. Because my parents keep scolding and comparing other people, it makes them proud, but what are you that only brings shame to this family,” T. explained. That is why every day after school, this girl just hides in her room, closes the door to “avoid” the bitter and terrible scolding from her parents.

THH confessed that there was a time when he wanted to commit suicide, so as not to have to face the rejection from his parents.

According to Mr. Duy, when young people are insulted, scolded, or even verbally abused by their parents, they will face many injuries and consequences in life. In particular, they are very likely to have negative emotions such as inferiority complex, fatigue, depression, resentment, and fear of their parents.

Mr. Quan also believes that depending on the individual characteristics and age of the child, the way the child reacts to the scolding and abandonment of the parents is different. If the child is young, he or she will accept and silently endure and then self-suggest according to the "positioning" of the parents. When he or she is older, the cognitive ability has developed, the child will have many different ways of reacting. The child may ignore the comments of the parents or will resist by arguing back, doing the opposite of the parents' requests. This leads to the distance between the child and the parents becoming farther and farther, especially the psychological distance.

Words influence thoughts and beliefs

Psychologist Dr. Nguyen Hoang Khac Hieu, Head of the Department of Applied Psychology, Ho Chi Minh City University of Education, said that for children, the more immature their minds are, the more powerful the insults from adults are. If every day parents tell their children: "You are as stupid as a cow! You are as stupid as a cow!" then one day, that child will believe that his intelligence is only equal to that of a cow.

According to Mr. Hieu, the words of adults have a great influence on the thoughts and beliefs of children. If parents know how to praise their children for being smart and believe that they will study well if they try hard, then the children will believe that their parents are telling the truth and will try their best to study well. On the contrary, if a 6th grade student is learning to cook rice, and when his mother comes home and finds the rice uncooked, she says: "You are useless", then that student will never want to step into the kitchen again.

According to this expert, for older children, although words no longer have strong suggestive power, on the contrary, they can cause double the damage like a knife stabbing into the heart and causing pain that lasts a lifetime.

Mr. Hieu told the story of a 10th grade female student in Hai Duong who got a 2 in class. Her father said: "I don't have an ignorant child like you! You're just smearing ashes and chaff on my face! Why don't you just die?" As a result, the girl jumped into the river and committed suicide. And she wasn't alone, four other friends with the same feelings committed suicide with her.

Or a boy who failed the university entrance exam and stayed home to help with the housework. Because he occasionally dropped things, his mother got angry and said: “What kind of person are you? If I had known you were so useless, I would have pinched your nose to death.” And then the boy left home. He was filled with resentment because he had fallen into a deep hole, not only was he not pulled out but his relatives also poured boiling water on him. After a period of struggling to make a living, he found his strengths and gradually became successful. That boy now doesn’t want to return to his family, because that place is full of not-so-beautiful memories.

According to TNO