"Tips" for parents on how to help their children overcome the "flood" of puberty

The above is the sharing of Associate Professor, Dr. Nguyen Thi Phuong Hoa - former lecturer of Educational Psychology, Hanoi National University at the workshop "The Battle of Puberty", organized by Gateway International High School on May 12.

"Eating cream puffs and adding chili peppers"

Associate Professor Nguyen Thi Phuong Hoa began the seminar with a completely true story, drawn from 6 years of being a "victim" living with the "flood" of puberty with her son.

“I used to be a psychologist, but when my child entered puberty, I “died in five notes” because my first son was too “perfect”: he left home in 6th grade, was addicted to video games 20 hours a day, and often got into fights until his nose bled,” she cited.

She shared that her husband and she fell into one emotion after another, sometimes confused, desperate, sometimes surprised, emotional. It made her always in a state of 3 readiness: ready to endure, ready to cope and ready to... "be deaf and dumb" (when puberty got angry)...

“I have prayed to Allah and Mohammad, but my family life was still shaken by the changes in my child's mind and body because I was not mentally prepared,” Associate Professor Hoa humorously said.

Associate Professor, Dr. Nguyen Thi Phuong Hoa - former lecturer of Educational Psychology, Hanoi National University. Photo: Dinh Cuong.

The next story that Associate Professor Hoa brought to the conference was about a 9th grade boy who was only interested in sex, addicted to watching sex clips and masturbating. He told his parents: "I want to see and have real sex."

Next, she witnessed a female student in her uniform buying emergency contraceptive pills. Another sixth grader hanged herself because of a broken heart. Or a middle school student ran away from home with her boyfriend by following a water pipe.

And more climax, it is the story of a child who cried, just wanted to leave home because his parents tried to nag him because he only got a bronze medal in an excellent student exam...

Associate Professor Hoa explained that raising a child during puberty is like having a piece of cream puff put in your mouth, but before you can enjoy it, you are hit with a chili pepper. Parents will go through all the emotions like a tightrope walker.

Confront or swim with your child through the "flood"?

According to Associate Professor Hoa, when entering puberty, children will have two tendencies: one is to express themselves and always be excited like a bomb about to explode, the other is to be silent and withdrawn.

No matter what direction a child develops, it makes parents scratch their heads. The question here is how to help children overcome puberty in the "safest" way?

“Puberty is like a flood, whether you want it or not, it will come. If parents confront and block the flood, it will only make the water break the bank. The best way is to try to understand, then swim with the flood to bring your child to shore,” Associate Professor Phuong Hoa said.

Parents asked many questions at the workshop. Photo: Dinh Cuong

Returning to her own story, Associate Professor Hoa said that she overcame the “flood” of puberty with her son by “swimming” with him. First, she “quit” games by letting him play soccer and listen to music.

“Luckily, my son loves football and listens to foreign music. I have guided him to other interests besides games, by letting him watch all the foreign bands that come to Vietnam to perform.

At that time, each session of renting a soccer field cost about 600,000 VND, so I agreed to rent it out. My child played until he was out of breath, and had no more energy to play the game anymore,” Associate Professor Hoa recalled.

At the workshop, some parents asked questions about their children. One parent said that her child is currently studying at a secondary school in Hanoi and is also in crisis due to frustrations at school.

“I am also almost crazy with my son who is in high school. There are times when I have to meet the homeroom teacher 5 times a week, often have to meet the principal and always receive messages of complaint from the teacher,” another parent almost cried when sharing at the workshop.

Associate Professor Hoa has solutions for each situation and believes that parents often only see things on the outside but do not understand the root cause, so they cannot "overcome the flood" with their children.

Some parents in Vietnam think that "giving birth to a child gives them the right to hit or scold their child", and even think that apologizing to their child will lose the authority of adults.

Therefore, parents should understand, calmly accept and help their children overcome. In addition, parents should guide their children to healthier interests if they discover that their children have deviant behavior during puberty. Tell them the consequences of early sex, but do not forbid it.

“In addition, parents should use love to get closer to their children. Parents complain that how can they love and be close to be friends when their children actively “block” them? I think that love is the best way to get closer to children. From a very hot-tempered person, I have become extremely sweet for this son.

So parents, don't be stressed, just "rush forward" to love, don't sit still and wait for your child to "unblock" you", Associate Professor Hoa emphasized.