Vietnamese mothers suggest ways to teach children to obey after just one reminder

Phan Linh - a Vietnamese mother currently living in Norway, mother of baby Oc - author of the book "Vietnamese mothers raise children in the Nordic style" suggests solutions to teach children to obey after just one reminder from parents.

1. Look at things from the child's perspective

No child understands how important it is to take a bath, or how necessary it is to go to bed early. For children, the things they do may not be important to their parents, but they are their main job, and this job is often to play, to explore the world around them, this is also how children grow up and get used to everything.

Solution:Show interest in what your child is doing, you can say things like: "The house you built is beautiful, can you tell me how many rooms you plan to build?"

Next, gently incorporate what you want your child to do right now by making a deal with him or her like: "Honey, it's bath time, how about taking 5 minutes, just 5 minutes I promise, it won't interrupt your work, okay honey?"This way, the baby will feel that his parents care about him and will be more obedient.

2. Don't rush to scold, but approach and gently ask your child to talk.

Children are not mindless dolls, they are very smart and know that if you ignore them, your parents will no longer pay attention. This is very normal, so do not be too surprised if you have told them a few times but they still do not listen. Do not rush to scold them because this may create a bad precedent the next time you have to scold them to listen.

Solution:Don't be too quick to yell at your child, but instead approach him or her and gently ask him or her to come back and talk to you. You can say something like: "Honey, I want to talk to you for a moment."Then, wait until your child turns and looks at you. If he continues to be distracted and focused on what he is doing, warn him that you will put away his toys or turn off the TV if he does not turn to talk.

At this point, don't try to force your child to do what you want right away. Wait until he is fully focused on the conversation. If he continues to glance at the unfinished game, warn him and ask him to do what needs to be done within the specified time.

3. Help children complete unfinished work

Do you feel embarrassed to comfort your child when you are extremely focused on solving a task? For your child, being constantly reminded to do something is as annoying as having to interrupt your work to comfort your child. So don't be quick to get angry and scold your child, just calmly help your child do what you ask.

First, give your child a certain amount of time, for example, after 5 minutes he has to take a bath. If after 5 minutes you still don't see any signs of your child following your request, remind him tactfully: "The train you built is beautiful, but I think you forgot our agreement. It's been five minutes, honey. It's bath time.".

Next, create a bridge between what your child is doing and what you want him to do: "What if you could try driving this car from here to the bathroom, this one, and you could control it."

4. Set limits with empathy

Your baby isn’t an adult like you are, so the prefrontal cortex of his brain, which is responsible for decision-making, is still developing and is constantly wrestling with the decision-making process between what you want and what he wants. Every time you ask him to do something, he has to think carefully about what he should do.

If your child realizes that his relationship with you is more important than what he is doing, he will listen to you, and at times like this, his brain has to operate at a higher level than his actual capacity, which is also how he creates his own personal principles. However, he will only make this choice if he is ready, but if his parents beat, scold, or yell at him, he will not hesitate to fight back.

Solution:To teach your child to be more obedient, set limits but also cleverly incorporate your sympathy into them, so your child will be more likely to cooperate and follow what you say.

5. Respect children

Many parents always think that they have to scold their children to make them listen. This unintentionally makes the children stubborn and even timid, which negatively affects the children's psychology.

Solution:Show respect for your child and give him or her some choices if possible.

"I'm listening. You really don't like baths, do you? You mean you won't even take a bath when you're an adult? But I think you need one tonight, you can take a bath in the tub or shower, it's up to you.".

Sometimes your child's reasons may be completely convincing and make you change your mind, but that's okay, just listen to what your child has to say, because that way you have shown your child that he or she is in a win-win situation without being forced or bullied by his or her parents.

6. Always be there for your child and empathize with their feelings.

When your child refuses to listen to you, it shows that he feels disconnected from his parents. Why is this? Maybe you scolded him this morning, or you work all day and don’t have time for him. You don’t listen and just force him to do what you want. You only care about his sister and don’t pay attention to him, or he is too young and easily falls into fear… There are countless reasons to explain this feeling.

Solution:Always show empathy for your child's feelings and be there to comfort him when he needs it. When you give your child the opportunity to express his feelings, he will feel a strong bond with you, which will make him more obedient to you.

7. Connect with your child through the smallest actions

Children always look to their parents for help, so if you make your child feel that you are always on his side, he will be more likely to obey you. On the contrary, if your child always shows opposition or makes you fall into a state of fighting with him, that is when your relationship with him has reached the boundary of tension.

Solution:Every day, talk and listen to your child, create a connection with your child with the smallest actions. Parents can design special times during the day and week to understand and be closer to their children. When your relationship with your child falls into a state of tension, ease it with happy laughter. Making your child laugh and hugging him will help reduce the tension in the relationship.

8. Give children choices

No one likes to be controlled, and children are no exception. The more you push your child into a corner, the more they will rebel and do the opposite of what you want.

Solution:Always let your child know you are there for them, let them make choices if possible, instead of trying to control them, parents should act as active group leaders, listen and give advice, guide them to do good activities instead of forcing them to do what you think is right.