Daughter-in-law shares story of 'Living with mother-in-law' in real life

Many real-life daughters-in-law confided that their mother-in-law is even more 'monstrous' than the mother in the movie 'Living with Mother-in-Law'.

From movie to real life

Just married, not yet enjoying the sweetness of marriage, Hoai (My Dinh, Hanoi) tasted tears while living with her husband's family.

After a week of marriage, Hoai blushed when her mother-in-law called her aside and said: "I see that Tuan doesn't look very well. You should limit your sex life and don't overwork him."

Hoai's every move was corrected by her mother-in-law: "With such curved legs, you can still wear a skirt", "Did you cut your hair? Tuan hates girls with short hair like this", "When you come home from work, why don't you come down to cook dinner and what are you doing up there?"...

Hoai said that her mother-in-law often came into her room to check and then complained: "So lazy, you have such a small room but don't clean it" and "why do you buy so many clothes, it's a waste of money"... Once, seeing her vaginal suppository, she said: "Why do you have to use this medicine, how long have you been sick, will it affect Tuan...".

The thing that Hoai found hardest to accept was that she wanted to keep both her and her husband's salaries. "When I go to work, I always give my mother money to keep for her. Just give it to her and when you need something big, you can take it. There's no need to worry about losing it," her husband tried to persuade her, but she didn't agree.

"I've been working part-time and taking care of my own expenses since I was a student, so I don't understand why I'm almost 30 years old and I give my mother money and why I need to ask for her opinion," Hoai said. Because of this, Hoai was angry with both her mother-in-law and husband.

The film "Living with Mother-in-law" is attracting viewers because it deals with the tense relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Photo: VTV.

Because she wants to live separately to avoid her mother-in-law's excessive interference, Ms. Tra and her husband in Hoai Duc, Hanoi are facing the risk of breaking up.

"Few people believe it, but these days, my mother-in-law wakes me up at 5am to clean up, go to the market, come home and cook breakfast for my husband before going to work. I told her to go to the market twice a week and store it in the fridge to cook gradually, but she didn't listen, saying it's not delicious and harmful," said Ms. Tra.

She is a secondary school teacher, quite busy, often having to stay up late at night, and in the morning when she overslept, her mother-in-law opened her door wide and started saying "uh huh" and "hmm". She tried to be patient with her husband but after giving birth, Hoai wanted to explode, because anything related to taking care of and teaching the baby, her mother-in-law criticized her and wanted her to do things her way.

"She said I only learned nonsense from the internet and teachers but didn't know how to take care of my child, leaving him stunted. I wanted to breastfeed him exclusively for the first 6 months, so she made my husband buy powdered milk for him to drink. When my child was sick, I told my husband to take him to the doctor, but she muttered, 'You're a clumsy mother, making your child and husband suffer, wasting money,'" Ms. Hoai confided.

Feeling suffocated by a life where she cannot do anything as she pleases, Ms. Hoai wants to move out, but her husband does not accept it. He says that he is the only son in the family, so if Ms. Hoai moves out, she will not be able to return. "I have already found a house to rent near my workplace, and it is up to my husband whether he follows me or not," she said.

Why do mothers-in-law often "torture" their daughters-in-law?

According to psychologists, conflicts are at their highest in places where, according to traditional culture, newlyweds live with their in-laws and the bride is expected to adapt immediately to the new family.

This is very clear in Vietnam. Ms. Tran Thi Hong Ha, psychological consultant at the Love - Marriage - Family Counseling Center, Vietnam Youth Union, said,In modern society, fathers and mothers-in-law increasingly have progressive views and treat their daughters-in-law fairly and civilly. However, manyThe family holds the old concept that the daughter-in-law must strictly follow the rules of her husband's family, serving her husband and his family.

Many nMothers want to discipline their daughters-in-law to do everything their way. If they don’t get what they want, they get upset and angry. They control their sons because they are afraid that their sons will be controlled by their wives. If their sons have their own lives, they feel they have lost all power.

According to psychologists, in this sensitive relationship, nThe first person who needs to change is the mother. Realize that when you get married, your son has an independent life and must take care of his own family. Let him separate from his mother and become a mature man.

In addition, many people focus too much on mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and forget that the person who plays the most important role in untying the knot in this relationship is the husband.

Only the husband has the ability to stop the war between mother and wife. He is the one who understands both women best and is the only one who can bridge the gap between them. If he chooses to stand aside or only defends one, he will "add fuel to the fire".

The husband must be objective, have his own point of view, know right from wrong and when to speak privately and when to speak in front of two women. Only then will both of them appreciate and respect him more and can therefore be more tolerant and sympathetic to each other.

In case of irreconcilability, it is better to choose to live separately. If living together, there should be initial agreements on activities and division of work in the family to have a certain respect and privacy. The young couple themselves must be independent in their own lives in order to have the right to self-determination.

According to VNE