Saigon husband postpones having children for 7 years to raise his wife's 3 disabled grandchildren

The ancient, dilapidated tiled house of Mrs. Nguyen Thi Gai (67 years old) is located deep at the end of a small dirt road in Tan An Hoi commune, Cu Chi district, Ho Chi Minh City. For the past few years, Mrs. Gai has been very reassured by her son-in-law, Mr. Nguyen Van Nhan (currently 35 years old), taking care of her three grandchildren with congenital disabilities, abandoned by their parents when they were young. Seeing her son-in-law spend all day bathing, feeding, taking the children to school and helping his mother-in-law with housework, Mrs. Gai is extremely grateful and feels that her life is very lucky.

She said that in the past, he was in the army and was exposed to Agent Orange. Although all five children were healthy and normal, the grandchildren were affected. Ho (29 years old) was born and could only eat and lie in one place, smiling all day, and needed help with all activities. Thoai and Duy, 18 and 17 years old, both had leg disabilities and had difficulty walking. Pitying the grandchildren who were abandoned by their divorced parents, the couple took them home to care for them, taking care of their every meal and sleep.

He passed away, she was constantly sick, all the household expenses and taking care of the 3 children were taken care of by Ms. Hanh (the youngest child, now 39 years old). Because of this family burden, she had to drop out of school, sacrificing her own happiness. "If I get married, who will take care of the children and mother?" she confided.

The 1.5 million VND that the commune supports for Ms. Gai and Ms. Ho, who are disabled, is not enough to support 4 grandparents and grandchildren, so Ms. Hanh and her husband have to work hard to earn more. Photo:NVCC.

Mr. Nhan is an only son. In 2000, he went to Saigon to work as a garment worker and met Ms. Hanh, who worked at the same company. Hearing his colleague's story, he was very moved. The young man and a few others planned to take turns helping Ms. Hanh take care of her relatives.

Arriving there, seeing the dilapidated house, Mrs. Gai sick and having to go to the hospital twice a month, Ho brothers lying on the bed, and Hanh alone going to the hospital with her mother and then back to her grandchildren, Mr. Nhan thought he had to do something to help her.

“I am a man, I can’t even take care of myself. But she is a woman and has to take care of four people, and she is sick every day,” said Mr. Nhan. Since then, the young man from Quang Ngai has stopped by his colleague’s house after work to help take care of Ho and his siblings. On weekends, he stays home to bathe, take care of personal hygiene, and take his three children out.

Their love also began from there. Knowing that her son was 4 years younger than his girlfriend, Nhan's mother strongly objected. Ms. Hanh did not want her boyfriend and her mother to disagree, so she said goodbye many times. "I'm used to being friends with Ho's brothers, I can't leave them," Nhan said and quietly packed up and moved to his girlfriend's house to take care of the children.

Since they met, Mr. Nhan has spent 14 years of his life taking care of Ms. Hanh's three grandchildren. He considers Ho, Thoai and Duy as his own children and only hopes that their future will be brighter. Photo:Phan Than.

In 2010, after 7 years of dating, Ms. Hanh was accepted by Mr. Nhan's mother because of her honest, hard-working and devoted nature. Their wedding took place. Mr. Nhan's mother encouraged her son to respect his wife and stay at his wife's house to help and give his grandchildren a good future, even though she was living alone in the countryside. "Since Nhan came along, I feel secure wherever I go. He takes care of Ho better than I do," said Ms. Gai, looking at her son-in-law with affectionate eyes.

After more than 7 years of marriage, Mr. Nhan proactively advised his wife to postpone having a baby to focus on taking care of Ho, and to let Thoai and Duy finish college first.

“My wife and I still have a very low income. If we have children, how can we take care of them? I have dropped out of school, Thoai and Duy need to be brighter,” he confided. Many times he changed the subject when his mother called to urge him to have children.

Thoại and Duy are currently in 10th and 11th grade. Mr. Nhan plans that when they finish school and have jobs, the couple will plan to have children and return to their hometown to take care of their mother. Photo:Phan Than.

For more than two years now, Ho’s health has been getting worse, so Nhan has decided to find a part-time job to be more flexible. A coal factory in the commune calls him to work whenever there is a product. Neighbors sometimes contribute bags of rice, sometimes pounds of meat, and some give a little money to help Hanh and her husband take care of their disabled grandchildren.

To keep his wife from worrying about housework while she works, Nhan wakes up early every morning, cleans Ho, drives Duy and Thai to school, and then returns to work. At noon, he rushes to bathe Ho, feeds him, and then drives a motorbike taxi to earn extra income.

Looking at her husband and children together, Ms. Hanh was extremely grateful. "If it weren't for him, I don't know what I would be doing now. He is not only a husband, but also a father to my children, a benefactor of my family. I owe him a lot," she said.