As we grow up after many times of acting instinctively

When I was 10 years old, in 4th grade, I was recruited to study at the district's gifted school. The school was about 11 km from home, had to go on the national highway, then turn into a village road, and cross several bridges. I had to stay in a boarding house. Every Monday, my father drove me to school on a bicycle with rice and money for the catering staff to cook for me. Every Saturday afternoon, my father came to pick me up.

But I had to walk home dozens of kilometers by myself. The reason was that my father was busy with work and often came late, and I was eager to go home after a week at school, so whenever I saw my friends being picked up by their parents and my father hadn't arrived yet, I would put my bag on my shoulder and walk home. The first time I went to school and didn't see me, my father went looking everywhere. He looked for me all the way dozens of kilometers, asking everyone he met. Then when he hurried home, I was already sitting comfortably watching my mother cook. My father was both happy and angry. He scolded me and told me not to do that next time. But many times after that, I still did it because I refused to sit in the schoolyard alone waiting for my father. No matter how hard my father tried, there were days when he couldn't finish work early enough to pick me up. He reluctantly agreed that if I didn't wait for him, I would remember to walk slowly, keep an eye out for cyclists, and call out loudly when I saw him. He also promised that he would pay attention to pedestrians on the way to see if they saw me. But in the end, except for the days when Dad arrived early and I sat behind him on his bike home, on the days when Dad arrived late, we were always “out of sync” and never met on the way. Many days Dad was sweating profusely cycling home, and I was walking almost home. That distance of more than 10 kilometers, it took Dad 2 hours to cycle twice, and it took me the same amount of time to walk once. Now when I tell the story, the whole family laughs. Not only was the child not good, but Dad seemed to be “not good” either.

Walking dozens of kilometers in childhood for many people, or at least for me, is not difficult or surprising. Cycling dozens of kilometers is not a big deal for us 4th and 5th graders. Many times, my friends and I cycled to Thinh Long beach, 25 kilometers from school, then took a shower and cycled back. Then there were nights when we hid from our parents to watch an outdoor opera performance at a shabby theater 8 kilometers from home. We just followed the group. When we returned, there was no one in our commune, we walked alone through the dark night, scared to death, and only returned to the gate at 11-12 pm and called out to our parents loudly. Mom scolded us, and the next time we did the same thing.

My brother was even more terrified. There was a body floating in the river that was discovered in my commune. But the commune officials refused to let him be picked up and buried, so they hired a boatman to tie a rope to the body and drag it to another commune. The other commune hired another boat to drag the body to another commune. And finally the body drifted out to sea. Wherever the body went, children and adults came out to watch on both sides of the river. My brother followed the group of people tirelessly from noon, passing through many communes, along the river, by the time he saw the sea, it was almost dusk, and the curious crowd had all disappeared. My brother began to be scared, turned around and ran home. The road home was very far away. The feeling of the ghost chasing him was even more terrifying. My brother ran and cried in the dark, not knowing how long the dirt road was, how long it took, how many times he fell to the ground before he got home, panicking. That night my brother was delirious, and my mother had to hold the "bad boy" in her arms every now and then: "Poor my son, who told him not to listen to his mother?"

When you were a child, how did your parents' teachings penetrate you? How did you learn skills? Who can answer that question for me? I don't know how to answer it clearly. All I know is that I grew up with experiences, not just empty teachings. Now that I think back, I realize that if I had listened to my parents from the beginning, my path would have been less full of failures and less injuries. Many people probably have the same thought. But I also know that experience is everyone's asset. It's like when we travel, there are many extremely dangerous roads that we still decide to take, because we crave experience.

In any foundation to help someone mature in life, especially in terms of thinking and spirit, experience is indispensable. That means one must engage in every event of life, must be with it, be in it to discover, taste the true flavor of feelings and emotions. One must endure hardships or enjoy joy and happiness, then one can experience and draw out concepts of life that bear one's own personal mark. "One's own personal mark" and not what others tell one to do.

Like when my mother said, go this way, success will be there, and I went as if I was obedient, then if there was any success, it seemed to be my mother's success. A person with a strong sense of individuality, they will go to a certain point in the way they want, they choose. And even if with a very limited choice due to lack of knowledge or understanding, and they fail completely, that failure is not bad. It is the foundation of later success, for sure.

So I am very grateful for my mother's way of educating my brother, on the night my brother ran after the group of people watching the dead body on the river and returned home in panic and fear. My mother did not scold him, but only held my brother in her arms when he was delirious. The lesson that my mother taught us that we should not go too far without our parents' permission was experienced so that we could realize that what our parents taught us was right. Of course, there are many ways to learn this lesson, without having to follow my brother's way. In the whole village, there was only one boy like my brother who chose that dangerous way of learning, which was not a good way. There might be other easier ways, but my "bad brother" refused to choose. We were taught a lot by our parents back then, but when we listened, we obeyed, but when we acted, almost everyone followed their emotions. Perhaps the teachings were necessary but not always enough? Is it true that every event in life exists for each person to seek, experience and identify it in his or her own way? Is it true that to truly mature, each of us cannot simply know how to listen, but must also know how to make mistakes?

And what about the boy who cycled more than 100 kilometers to visit his younger sibling? How should we think about him? Are those who express their love for him encouraging his bad behavior and lack of life skills? Will our praise for him lead to thousands of children imitating him and doing dangerous things? Are we being too emotional?

Yes, parents are right to worry, and not unnecessarily. Traffic accidents, kidnapping by human traffickers, fainting from hunger… are all the risks for a child when he travels such a long distance. It’s so chilling. But think about it a little more, do you see that no child grows up without facing risks and dangers, subjectively or objectively? Risks are everywhere, not just on the street. You lock your children at home, tell them not to open the door to strangers, and then you leave. The child is very obedient, he doesn’t open the door to strangers, and he doesn’t even go to the door all day. He just sits still in one place. Because he is busy wandering in the world of online games, of YouTube. In fact, he is diligently opening the door for other strangers to enter his soul, the “cool” Kha, the Le Roi, the kumathon ghost doll, and many other characters. Your child meets strangers every day without you knowing.

Then you send your child to school and you think it is safe. But dirty food, physical abuse, sexual abuse, school violence still happen continuously.

Whether subjective or objective, danger always lurks around a child, no matter how carefully you protect your child. Of course, to combat those risks, we must train our children in life skills. Education has never paid as much attention to life skills as it does today. Many parents believe that training their children in life skills is more important than learning knowledge, because in reality there are too many insecurities surrounding children.

But if that is the case, why don’t you allow people to be moved by the story of the boy who cycled hundreds of kilometers alone to visit his younger sibling? I believe that those who admire and love the boy do not intend to encourage children to do that. Thousands of people were moved by the boy’s story because they deeply felt his “spiritual motivation”. It is hard to describe what I call “spiritual motivation”. It is so invisible, but it is also very real and it has the ability to touch other people’s hearts. I think about that boy’s “spiritual motivation” and really want to talk to my children more about sibling love and family love. Besides the “hard” skills learned from books, school or parents, children also need to appreciate other “soft” skills. Those skills come from their souls, listen and feel. When you see someone injured, forget about the skill of keeping your clothes clean so that you can be ready to take off your shirt to bandage them. When you love someone, don't hesitate to act, that is also a skill. When you see someone else is sad, share and worry, be close to them, find the words to say so that they don't get hurt more, that is also a skill. Those are extremely delicate skills, skills of the heart, of the soul. Skills to fight against indifference, coldness...

Let's stop comparing and arguing about a boy. Let's love him and stop there. Let's accept that the trip was the first big challenge in his life. Perhaps he learned a lot of skills from this trip, and it is really important in building his future. Let him grow up like any other boy, with his family. Just like we grew up after many times of acting on instinct, even nearly dying, just because we didn't listen to our parents or even went against them. All skills will be perfected with education and personal experience. But don't forget that all skills cannot replace the voice of the soul, of the heart, deep inside each person. Our skills are hardly as perfect as the skills of a robot. But robots can never replace humans, because they don't carry a heart with thousands of emotional impulses. And even if it had a heart, a robot's heart could not love like a real human's.