Sex education mistakes most parents make

Parents should have serious conversations with their children about sex, no matter what age they are. According toHuffPostOne of the fundamental lessons to impart to young children is the importance of body and autonomy.

Here is expert advice for parents or caregivers.

Teach children to use the correct words for private parts.

“Body awareness instruction is the earliest conversation parents can have about health and safety,” says sex educator Melissa Carnagey. It’s the foundation for children to differentiate between consensual physical contact and inappropriate behavior.

“No parent would hesitate to use the correct terminology for body parts like elbows, knees, and nose. So penis, testicles, vulva, vagina, and anus should not be used differently,” Carnagey advises.

Children need to know the right words to communicate clearly about their bodies in the right context. For example, when explaining to a parent or doctor about pain or itching, they will not use vague descriptions. It is easier for parents to teach children about keeping their bodies clean because they understand the difference between a specific part of the body and a general area.

"Using the correct terminology also helps kids feel comfortable talking about the changes their bodies experience during puberty," Carnagey adds.

Out of embarrassment or unnecessary thought, most parents use euphemisms and cute words to refer to private parts. This leads to many unpredictable consequences.

The problem is that there are many alternative words and they can mean different things. If a child is being touched unsafely in their private parts and tells their parents, sometimes the parents will not appreciate the seriousness of the situation and will ignore the information.

Agreeing, sex education expert Lydia M. Bowers emphasizes that “penis,” “testicles,” “vulva,” or “vagina” are not bad words at all. By avoiding these words, adults unintentionally convey to children that certain body parts are dirty, ugly, or shameful. Therefore, when children have problems with these parts, they often avoid or hide them.

Promoting body autonomy in everyday situations

Carnagey recommends creating a family culture where everyone's physical boundaries are respected. You can start by not forcing your child to hug or kiss others, and getting into the habit of asking permission: "Can I hug you?"

Inappropriate touching between siblings during play should not be overlooked. In the Carnagey household, everyone is aware of each other's body boundaries, and no one is forced to repeat "no" or "stop." Parents may initially give reminders, but after consistent practice over time, children will develop a greater respect for other people's bodies and expect others to respect their own.

Bodily autonomy is also demonstrated in familiar everyday situations such as mealtimes. When a child says he is full or has finished eating, parents should not force him to eat another spoonful or clean the bowl, because the child's body has already told him not to eat any more.

Bowers points out that parents have plenty of opportunities to teach their kids body lessons while reading books or watching movies. You can ask questions like, "Should the prince kiss the princess while she's sleeping? She can't say yes or no."

However, there are times when parents should not ask permission to touch their children's bodies, such as when changing diapers, taking children to the doctor for a checkup, or bathing young children who cannot bathe themselves.

"If you ask a child,Can you change my diaper, mom?and it repliedAre not, you have two options. Either you violate their right to consent, or you leave them in dirty diapers, which is a health and safety hazard," Bowers explains.

Instead, you can act and talk to your child: "It's time to change your diaper. You peed and now let's take off this dirty diaper. Then I'll use a towel to clean you up..." You can still show your child that their body is worthy of respect.

An equally important note when teaching sex is to teach children to trust their instincts. You should use your sensitivity as a parent, observe changes in your child's body language and ask questions like: "How are you feeling?", "Why are you frowning? What's wrong, can you tell me?". This will help children increase their awareness of their bodies, improve their confidence in communication and be willing to share with their parents about what happens every day.