Sweet fruit, rotten fruit

We adults often think we have the right to interfere in our children’s lives in the name of love. The problem is that adults are not always right and adult mistakes often lead to more serious consequences than children’s mistakes.

Most recently, a series of students from top universities were expelled because they discovered that their university entrance exam scores were raised indiscriminately. Some students with original scores of only 0, 1, 2... were raised to the top or second place; some even went to the newspaper to share their university entrance exam preparation tips, which is quite strange. But what is even more strange is that their parents insisted that they were completely unaware that their children's scores were "increased" (or "forced"?). Some even argued, "They probably thought they were helping me, but it turned out they were harming me." Actually, I think this statement is quite true. Especially when applied to many situations where parents "help" their children.

It’s not far-fetched to say that when I was a child, my father “got” (or “had”?) help when I took an art competition at school. The day before the exam, my father “coincidentally” dreamed that the exam question was “draw your family’s summer trip” and asked me to try drawing it. Miraculously, the day I took the exam, the question was exactly as my father “dreamed”. So I was lucky. Needless to say, I got a high score that time and was allowed to compete at the city level. Leaving the exam room, I happily boasted: “Dad, they gave me exactly the question you dreamed of!” My father panicked, signaled me to be quiet, and hurriedly drove me home. Thinking back now, I realize how naive I was back then, there was no such thing as a dream. Thinking about it, I feel ashamed, but I’m not angry at my father because I think he probably only wanted the best for me.

But are the “good” things that parents want for their children really as good as they think? And are their ways of doing things really good? I have a friend who dropped out of college in his second year. He struggled to earn money early and was caught up in the cycle of working and earning money. When he looked back, it was too late to catch up with his friends, so he had to drop out of school to go to work. But his family was not in any difficulty or poverty. His parents even bought a house and land for him and his brother, just waiting for them to graduate from college to get them a job at a bank. The future was bright, life was straight and smooth. But then his brother got involved in gambling and lottery. Money and property in the family just flew away every time the eldest son came home to “report” a couple of billions, sometimes tens of billions. For ten years, from a well-off family, now there is nothing of value left in the house. Even the house his parents are living in is mortgaged to the bank to pay off their son’s debt. The two old people work hard to pay the monthly interest with their meager pensions to support their “blood-sucking” son.

My friend said that he both loved and was angry with his parents because, after all, if his parents did not tolerate and shelter him, where would his brother get the money to spend his life playing around for ten years? I kept quiet because I did not want to add salt to his suffering. Besides, I have no right to lecture him about his family's story. But could it be that my friend's parents loved their child in the wrong way, like many other parents? Or more deeply, is it really love? Many people still turn a blind eye to their children's mistakes because they do not want to make a fuss, do not want to be laughed at by the world, do not want to be known as not knowing how to raise children, do not want to affect their career. Many people consider their children as pieces of a beautiful portrait for the world to admire. But behind that picture, there may be a slowly rotting truth.

I hate the act of lying to myself, so I once declared to my parents that, in the future, when I have children, if anyone asks if my child is good at studying, I will say, "He is the worst student in the class." Well, maybe it doesn't need to be that extreme, but I'm really curious to know how people will react? I guess people will have to defend themselves by finding some good point in my child to praise, even if my child is the most useless in the world. It's a lie. We still think that empty compliments are harmless lies, without knowing that they are actually the most toxic lies in the world. It makes people live in a beautiful illusion about themselves and how they are perceived by society.

And that is how many parents are raising their children. Putting on glamorous masks. Raising them with lies. Infusing them with illusions and teaching them tricks to cover up their true nature. God, why do we treat our children like this, just in the name of love and goodness? This kind of distorted love can only be explained by two possibilities. One is that we are too cruel. Two is that we are too ignorant. Both are bad, but perhaps the second is better.

From a certain perspective, the relationship between parents and children is also a cause and effect relationship. In that, the way parents educate and live is the cause, and the child is the effect. What do you want to harvest, sweet fruit or rotten fruit?