So what if we lose?

(Baonghean)1-8, oh my god, that's utterly humiliating!

- Oh my god, it's lucky they let us through in the second half! If they had been marking us so closely, the score could have been much more frustrating.

World record for... beer drinking! Illustration: Internet

- Losing was inevitable, who could possibly beat Man City! But I didn't expect to lose so badly…

- Oh, who do you think you are! It's a miracle a grasshopper can fight an elephant without breaking its legs and wings! And that match was mainly to see the "elephant," not the "grasshopper," what's the point of watching that?

- Well, if you like, go ahead and try your hand at being a "blind man describing an elephant"! This is truly a waste of the whole evening! Actually, my wife is much smarter; she should have turned on VTV1 and watched "The Aspiration for Reunion" live on television…

- Well, the TV station really made things difficult for viewers the other day: both events happened to air at the same time, forcing me to constantly switch channels with the remote, otherwise I'd get scolded. My wife prefers watching national affairs, is interested in history, and is familiar with the appearance of the general. She said she's not familiar with Man City. We might have to buy another TV like yours!

- You're getting carried away, but Man City can't compete with Arsenal in Vietnam! The proof is in the unsold tickets! You'd search high and low and still wouldn't find a "running man" like Vu Xuan Tien in last year's Arsenal welcome...

Wow! If Arsenal were really that good, they wouldn't have lost Samir Nasri, Bacary Sagna, Gael Clichy… to Man City!

- Well, who said it wasn't delicious? But love is strange! Love is just love, don't think that having a lot of money, a high position, etc., guarantees victory! The musician Tran Tien said it himself: "Sometimes love is like that, you love each other simply because you love each other..."

- Wow! And you're even quoting love songs! That's completely irrelevant! I'm poor, so I just admire anyone who's rich!

- You want money so badly, huh? Go into heroin trafficking! Look, in Hanoi just recently they caught a guy who stuffed nearly 500 blocks of heroin into three industrial gas cylinders! If that deal had gone through, you'd have made a fortune. But now you're in jail!

Right in the heart of Hanoi, that's incredibly audacious! The police, they really do have eyes like gods!

- They say the "drug kingpin" rides a beat-up motorbike, runs a student canteen, and speaks softly... - such a sophisticated cover, yet he still got caught! It's true, don't mess with the police!

- There are so many people who think everything is easy. They think everyone else is blind, and only they are sighted, how clever! Just recently, two Vietnamese tourists were arrested by Swiss police for stealing a pair of eyeglasses! Isn't that painful? Three pairs of eyeglasses, and it caused such national humiliation!

Have we lost face enough times already, or have we become completely shameless? Just recently, there was the case of a Vietnam Airlines captain and flight attendant being arrested in South Korea on suspicion of gold smuggling, or a flight attendant (also from Vietnam Airlines) being arrested in Japan for transporting stolen goods… what else could it be?

Strangely enough, when Vietnamese people go abroad, the word "eating" is always associated with them! If they're not stealing, they're... gluttonous. I've heard that many buffet restaurants in Thailand and Singapore even have signs in Vietnamese advising Vietnamese tourists to only take enough food to avoid waste!

Why do so many of our people still seem so "hungry"? This is a crime that brings shame to the nation; perhaps we should enshrine it in the law to teach those people a lesson!

- The people are starving, but the government has an abundance of money, that's the problem, sir! I heard they're preparing to build the biggest museum in the country, and it's estimated to cost over 11,000 billion dong! Shocking, isn't it?

Oh my god, they have too much money! They're all dying because of this... obsession with size! They want everything to be the biggest in the country, the biggest in the region... and one day they might even hang the biggest pot in the world!

Why not focus on maximizing the capacity of the museums already built before building more? Take the Hanoi Museum, located way up in My Dinh; when I visited, it was practically deserted. Meanwhile, the Vietnam Museum of Ethnology, built with a much more modest budget and not necessarily in a prime location, is surprisingly popular. It all comes down to strategy, not size.

I used to enjoy listening to the song "The Construction Song," but now when I hear the line, "Our joy in the home we secretly longed for," I feel... somehow disappointed! Should we play "The Girl Sharpening Bamboo Stakes" to scare those who like to waste state funds, sir?

- That's right, you should start sharpening them right away so the people can benefit!

Jackfruit & Know-It-All