I defy everything to love you

There are times when I feel so bland, but whenever I see you, I can't be bland. I just want to hold you tight so you can feel the love I have for you.

Illustration photo

I added her nick a long time ago but never talked until she posted a picture of her trip to Singapore alone and I discovered that she had the same hobby as me, she liked to travel alone. At first, it was just random stories or simply me sharing places she should go to in Singapore. We chatted with each other regularly every night, after I came home from work one afternoon, because I was so hungry, I decided to go eat alone, then I saw she was online so I invited her to go for fun, to meet and chat about her trip. She lived quite close to my house, only one street apart, so after 5 minutes I was at the pre-arranged place.

I wasn't nervous at all. This was my first time dating a girl after nearly 3 years since breaking up with my ex-girlfriend, so I didn't expect anything. I was captivated by her eyes. She and I sat eating pho together, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. I thought that after that meeting, she would avoid me like many other girls before, so I didn't text her much if she didn't like it. On the contrary, the more we texted, the closer we became. Day by day, we met more often, during meals and even late nights, she still didn't refuse my invitation to go out for a smoothie and then go home.

What had to happen happened, I mustered up the courage to hold her hand in the cinema after trying to hold it but either pulled back or missed. I was so happy that I almost didn't sleep that night just to text her. And in that joy, she suddenly said she didn't like me because she was married but now she had gone her separate ways because her husband drank all day, her husband's family treated her like a maid in the house, she was bored so she went back to her mother. I was quite shocked but suddenly I felt more sorry for her! I accepted everything and if she had children, I would still accept them, luckily she didn't have children yet. The first thing I said to her was "As long as you are with me, that day is the happiest day of your life", to me, she is everything I have, I accept to trade peace to love her. From career to reputation, someone who is gradually stabilizing her life like me will be considered crazy but I accept, as long as she is happy, I am happy, regardless of who laughs. You accepted my words.

The trips and meetings made me love her even more. There were times when she was angry with me just because I loved her so much. I just said, "You're so silly! I love you and only love you." When she went out with friends, I didn't get angry even though she said she was going out with a guy friend. I was also jealous, but I was willing to forgive her because I loved her so much. I trusted her! I didn't want us to argue or get angry, because then I would do the opposite of what I said to her the first time. She knew my personality, so she loved me even more. I still loved her like the first time. I remember one time we stood under the Anh Sao bridge, giving each other a very warm kiss, and when we got home, she automatically hugged me tightly. I was so happy, I just wanted to take her home and tell my parents so they would accept us being together.

One day, she suddenly asked me to pay for the plane ticket as I promised (I promised to buy a ticket for her to go out), thinking she was going to Phu Quoc with her family as I said, but it wasn't true, she was going to Nha Trang alone. My heart ached, I became jealous and sad because she didn't let me go with her. She wanted to go alone just this one time. I trusted her so I accepted, didn't feel sad and didn't get jealous for no reason anymore. The day before she left, we were together until late at night and she didn't want to go home, and I didn't want her to leave tomorrow, even though it was only for 4 days. She left but I couldn't rest easy, I felt like I was sitting on a pile of fire, counting every second and minute waiting for her to come back, even booked each flight so that if anything happened, I could fly out immediately, leaving my work to go with her.

The first and second days were normal, she still texted me happily, but suddenly on the third day after the phone call to ask how she was, she turned off her phone. I was like crazy, calling continuously for several minutes just hoping she would turn on her phone, until late at night she finally answered my call. The day I picked her up at the airport, I waited for nearly 2 hours with a heart full of joy hoping to see her. She came back to me, the distance from the airport to home was only about 5 minutes but I felt very relieved, she said she was tired and wanted to sleep, I called her to wake up at night to go to church and eat. I prepared everything for that evening to welcome her home but she didn't answer the phone. I was worried that something had happened to her, I kept calling her but couldn't get through, I felt crazy and angry, the later it got, the more worried I became. Late at night she texted me apologizing for being too tired and sleeping soundly, once again I calmed down and felt more sorry for her than angry.

The next day, she blamed me for calling so much. If I couldn't call, then don't call. Don't make her uncomfortable. If she wanted to be alone, I should have left her alone. I worried about her so much that I called. She wanted a private world. She said I came at the wrong time. I know that she's not used to being cared for too much, but I can't help but care. I don't want her to be sad. For her, I accept to change everything, accept everything. Am I too selfish, just wanting her to be mine, or because I still can't replace her ex?

There are times when I feel so bland, but whenever I see you, I can't be bland. I just want to hold you tight so you can feel the love I have for you. Even though I know the road ahead is long, please let me face it all alone. I want to protect you. I always believe that love conquers all, so no matter what, I still love you no matter what. Am I really stupid or do I truly love myself?

According to VNE