I long for my husband to show his love through actions.

He didn't want to pressure me into marriage because his needs had decreased because of the medication. He was happy if we continued living like this.

I am 38 years old, well-proportioned, good-looking, sociable and skillful according to many people. My husband is 42 years old, gentle but hot-tempered and suffers from excessive anxiety. This is a congenital disease but my husband only discovered it a few years ago because he gained a lot of weight so the symptoms were obvious, so he has to take medicine every day.

Before we got married, he was very affectionate and romantic, and I loved him for that reason. After the wedding, he was no longer as romantic as before. I was sad but understood that after getting married, it couldn't be like when we first fell in love. I was always the one who took the initiative to create a loving and romantic space for the couple, to create surprises on his birthday and our anniversary. Every time I did those things, I hoped he would do the same for me, because love must be nurtured from both sides to last. But his reaction was just "Thank you, wife, you don't need to do that."

One year on my birthday he didn't mention anything, at the end of the day I ran to the market to buy myself a bouquet of flowers, then came home to see him sitting on the sofa watching TV. I wanted to cry but I gently told him "I bought flowers for you, next year you must not forget". He laughed and said I was "talkative", then said "You can just say happy birthday to me now, right?" I was sad but told myself he was a good husband, didn't drink, gamble or womanize and was very caring and worried about his wife so I thought I shouldn't ask for romance, God doesn't give anyone everything. Then two children were born, I no longer had time to be romantic with my husband like before, he didn't feel like he was lacking that either.

The children have grown up, and in recent years I have felt that I no longer need my husband. He loves the children but is not close to them or plays with them. I often tell him to spend time playing with the children, especially since they are both boys, because their first years pass very quickly and they need the attention of both parents. He says he loves the children very much but does not have enough patience or interest to sit and play with them. The doctor said this is also due to his illness, making him want to be alone more.

Every time I can "pull" him out to play with the two children, seeing the three of them happy makes me very happy and I love him more. I told him that, he said he would try but then he didn't, he told me not to push him too hard. I don't want to nag him about this forever so I gradually get used to being both father and mother to the children.

I talked to his doctor, thanks to his clever advice, he always said he would try and did not want to continue the story. Just like that, I felt that in this life, my children were enough, he became redundant in my eyes. Many times in the past few years, my husband and I sat down to talk, I told him that love is like a tree, it needs to be watered for it to live.

I don't ask for anything, just a hug when I come home from work, or a look of sympathy when I'm tired, or after a meal, my wife and children hold hands and go for a walk, what's so big that he can't do it? He's getting lazier and lazier and gaining weight, I keep talking to him but can't get him to give up. He only "touches" me once a week when he needs to, I told him I only feel like doing that if the relationship is sweet and nurturing, not like a machine that can be turned on or off at any time. He said he understood, he would try but he couldn't show his feelings on the outside, he said he loved his wife and children very much but couldn't do what I wanted, so the relationship between my wife and I became colder and colder.

In terms of living relationships and raising children, my husband and I are also different. I value spiritual and idealistic values, while he does the opposite. I want my children to be independent, so I let them do a lot of housework by themselves. He always feels danger lurking when they do things without his help (also due to his illness). I always create a positive feeling for my children and speak sweetly to them, while he often speaks bluntly, so the children are not close to him. My work is getting better and better, while he is always content, saying, "I am proud to have a beautiful and talented wife, I will take it easy." In general, there is more and more distance between us.

I took the initiative to improve the situation but could not do anything when the effort only came from me and he always used the disease as an excuse. I told him that I would rather live alone than live with someone who always felt lonely and could not share anything in life. He cried, threatened to commit suicide, wrote a will and locked himself in his room all day. I took the initiative to apologize, he also apologized to me and hoped I would not leave him. I looked at him and thought of my two children so I continued. This has happened 3 times now, now my husband and I still talk every day, still respect each other, as a habit of the past 15 years, as two friends with children together, as if we were unofficially separated.

He said he didn't want to pressure me into marriage, because taking medication had reduced his needs, so he was satisfied if we continued living like this. As for me, as a woman, I want to love and be loved, I just crave a husband who loves me, holds my hand when we go out, hugs and kisses me when we come back from a long trip, makes love when we both feel we need each other. Should I endure it any longer? Am I asking too much of him? Is divorce the solution? Please give me your honest advice.

According to VNE