Child Abuse - What Parents Need to Know

(Baonghean) - Every year, in Vietnam, more than 1,000 children are abused. However, few people know that only 20 - 30% of child abuse cases originate from strangers. Children's rights and safety are being threatened due to lack of awareness among parents and society.

Startling numbers

Recently, public opinion has been stirred up by the continuous exposure of many child abuse cases. Information about abused children has flooded the media and social networks, causing many people to ask the question: Why has child sexual abuse increased so dramatically? Surprisingly, the truth is quite the opposite. Child abuse has not increased, but has even shown a tendency to decrease.

Education PhD Vu Thu Huong interacts with parents and children at the workshop on preventing child sexual abuse. Photo: Thuc Anh

Doctor of Education Vu Thu Huong - lecturer at Hanoi National University of Education said: Before 2010, in Vietnam there were 1,200 - 1,800 cases of child abuse each year. After 2010, this number was 1,000 - 1,500 cases each year and is currently at about 1,000 cases each year. Child abuse is not a new type of crime, but the awareness of society in general and parents in particular about this issue is generally sketchy.

For parents who are beginning to learn about sex education for children as well as preventing child sexual abuse, the numbers reflecting the reality in Vietnam may startle them. Over 70% of child abuse cases come from family members and acquaintances.

It could be siblings, relatives, and even grandparents and parents. The case of a father and grandfather abusing a little girl in Vinh Long that was recently exposed is the most specific example. From here, we can draw the first principle to protect children from abuse: A child's safety circle must be established and no one is an exception, even those closest to the child.

Children need more care and respect

Having lived in Germany and several other countries for a while, Dr. Vu Thu Huong commented: “I feel sorry for Vietnamese children because they are not really cared for and respected. How many Vietnamese parents have ever asked their children what they want and respected their answers? How many parents knock on the door before entering their children’s rooms? Vietnamese parents mostly give their children what they want, not what their children want or need.”

Respect is something that parents need to seriously consider and establish in their relationship with their children. It is an essential factor in building trust and openness with their parents in children. At the same time, parental respect will be a model for children to build their social relationships. In the matter of sex education, the more parents respect their children, the more successful the educational process will be and help children not to deviate or become victims.

A common psychological state in victims of abuse is guilt, which also comes from the lack of respect from those around them. If children do not feel respected in normal circumstances, then when an abuse incident occurs, the fear of being blamed leads to concealment and silent suffering, which is understandable.

Another common situation in Vietnam is that children are abused but they and their relatives do not realize it. We often think that sexual abuse is abuse, but in reality, abuse can occur in many forms and at many different levels. Behaviors involving physical contact from "light" such as hugging, kissing, caressing, etc. to "heavy" such as undressing, touching, and pinching a child's private parts are all considered abuse.

It sounds serious, but in reality, many Vietnamese parents often touch their children's private parts as a way to play and show affection. This is a bad habit that can cause children to have a distorted perception of gender and not know how to protect themselves from abuse.

Sex education for children is an issue that needs more attention from parents and society. Photo: Thuc Anh

Talking about this issue, Dr. Vu Thu Huong believes that Vietnamese parents need to change: “I have seen many parents scold their children, forcing them to stand still so others can hug and touch them even though the children show that they do not like it. Parents need to review this. The body, especially the private parts of children, are private, only children have the right to touch them. Other people, including parents, if they want to touch them, must have the consent of the child. When parents are aware of this, educating children to protect themselves will be much easier. We just need to tell children: Anyone who tries to touch you and your private parts even though you do not want to is a bad person, if you meet a bad person, you must stay away and tell your parents.”

The pain of abuse will haunt children forever.

Talking about the cases of sexual abuse that she has counseled, Dr. Vu Thu Huong affirmed: “Some people say that I am obsessed with sex education and child sexual abuse. It is true that I am haunted by the children and the parents whose stories make me feel extremely heartbroken.

Many children told me that they were abused by their fathers and that it completely destroyed the beautiful image of their fathers in their hearts. Some children could not love and marry because of their obsession and fear of men. Some mothers confided in me that they never stopped regretting and feeling guilty for not caring enough about their children to detect the unusual signs. Or they were warned but ignored it, causing their children to suffer too much pain.

We can do many things to heal the physical and mental wounds of children, but they will never forget what happened. Even if they can live a normal life like everyone else, the pain will always be there and can be recalled at any time. So, parents, please care for your children, respect them, listen to them and do everything you can to protect them from abuse.

Thuc Anh