10 things parents should not say to their children
“I'm fine” or “Don't talk to strangers” can be negative messages to children.
1. "You did a great job"
Psychologist Jenn Berman, author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Kids, points out that praising children in general terms will make them dependent on their parents' praise rather than intrinsic motivation.
When praising your child, you should clearly state the reason for the praise and convince them to believe in their own abilities. For example, when your child does a good job in a group, you can replace the sentence "Good job" with "That was great, I like the way you worked with your friends".
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Time spent can sharpen skills, but this statement can put pressure on children. The message is that if they make mistakes, it's because they didn't practice hard enough. Instead, encourage them to work hard because they'll be better than they were yesterday.
3. "I'm fine"
When your child is hurt and crying, your instinct is to reassure them that they are not seriously hurt. Saying “I’m fine” only makes them feel worse because they are not safe. Your job as a parent is to help your child understand and deal with their negative feelings, not to try to minimize them. Hug your child and acknowledge what is happening, explaining that it will be okay if they do as you say.
4. "Hurry up"
Because they are young, children may not be proficient or lazy when doing things. However, motivating them with the words "Hurry up" will only create more stress for them. When reminding children to act quickly, parents should soften their tone or turn the action into a game. For example, when eating breakfast, play "Who eats faster" with your child, but make sure that the child does not develop a careless and sloppy nature.
5. "Mom/Dad is on a diet"
Don’t let your children see you standing on the scale every day, constantly monitoring your weight or complaining about being fat. This will make them feel self-conscious about their bodies or have a tendency to imitate their parents and develop unhealthy bodies.
Instead of saying "I'm on a diet," parents should say "I want to eat healthy for my body." Also, the phrase "We need to exercise" should be replaced with "It's beautiful outside, let's go for a walk" to inspire healthy living for children, not just complain about their body shape.
6. "We can't afford it"
This is a common answer from parents when their children want to buy toys, but this statement can easily make children think that the family's finances are in trouble. From there, children will feel scared and worried.
Choose another way to convey the same idea, such as "We won't buy it because we're saving money for more important things." If your child continues to want to discuss the issue, you can take the opportunity to teach him about spending and saving money.
7. "Don't talk to strangers"
Strangers are a difficult concept for children to grasp because if someone is kind to them, they will not consider them a stranger. In addition, children may misinterpret this statement and resist the help of police or firefighters in dangerous situations.
Instead of warning your child about strangers, parents should pose a situation, for example, "If a strange man offered you a lollipop, what would you do?". Listen to the answer, evaluate whether what the child intends to do is right or wrong, and guide the appropriate action. Don't forget to remind children that anyone who makes them sad, confused, or scared must immediately report to their parents.
8. "Be careful"
If your child is in an unsafe situation, this reminder will make them feel distracted, panicked and more likely to get into trouble. When you feel anxious, move closer to observe and help.
9. "You won't get dessert until you finish your meal."
This will reduce your child's enjoyment of the meal. Change it to, "First, you'll have rice, and then you'll have dessert." This subtle change in wording will have a positive impact on your child's taste buds.
10. "Let me help"
When your child is struggling to solve a problem, it is understandable that you want to help, but don't jump in too early, as this will reduce their ability to think and work independently. Instead, offer suggestions and only step in when they are truly unable to do it.
