11 things mothers should say when their children do not listen

Children are like sponges, absorbing everything they see around them. They love to experiment and push boundaries. In many cases, parents often raise their voices and scold their children because they think they are not listening. Children are stubborn and although they understand your reaction, they may choose to ignore it. That is why parents should use positive phrases, instead of angry, accusing expressions, to reconnect your communication with your child. You can apply the following 11 ways to talk when your child is not listening:

1. Say, 'What do you need to remember?', instead of 'be careful' or 'don't do that'

Replace a command with a positive affirmation to stimulate your child's critical thinking. Children get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again and tend to ignore it. However, when you stimulate their intelligence with words that sound different but mean the same, they will be amazed. You can also give them specific commands. For example, instead of: "Be careful, people are watching", you can try: "What did we discuss about playing at the park?" or "Slow down on the ledge".

2. Say, 'Please speak softly,' instead of 'be quiet,' or 'don't shout like that.'

Some children are noisier than others. So, if they can't speak quietly, show them where it's okay to speak loudly (like at the park) and where it's okay to keep it down (like at the library).

When you want your child to be quiet, don't shout at them yourself. Use a soft voice and guide them.

3. Say: 'What lesson can you learn from your mistake?', instead of 'that's embarrassing' or 'you should have been a smarter kid'

Don't nag your child about past mistakes. It's best to focus on encouraging them to do better. This will encourage them to try harder in the future and be more careful with their actions. For example, you could say, "What can we learn from this mistake?" instead of yelling, "It's a shame to yell like that."

4. Say: 'Please...', instead of 'stop' or 'don't do that'

Any negative command will not get a positive response from the listener. Shouting, "I don't want this sandwich" or "don't bring me another cup of coffee" at the waiter will not get you what you want. The same goes for children. You can ask your child to do what you want them to do, instead of what you don't want them to do. So, your statement might be, "I want you to go and sit with your sister," instead of "don't sit here."

5. Say: 'We're running late, we need to move faster', instead of 'we're running late' or 'hurry up'.

Teaching your child the value of time is important, but you also need to be mindful of allowing them some downtime. You can set time slots for your child to move slowly and get used to things at their own pace.

However, don't forget to remind your child why it's necessary to hurry in a gentle, positive tone, especially when he's being stubborn. Try saying: "Aunty Mila is waiting for us. Let's not keep her waiting. Shall we go now?

6. Say, 'Can we add this toy to the birthday list?', instead of 'no, we can't buy that' or 'this isn't necessary'.

7. Say, 'Stop. Now tell me what you want,' instead of 'don't nag.'

Children learn almost everything from us and it is our responsibility as adults to set a good example for them. When you tell your child something, make sure you are calm and breathing slowly and they can do the same.

If you worry or make yourself afraid, your child will pick up on that energy and act the same way. So instead of saying, "Stop, you're making it worse," try, "Wait, honey. Tell me what's going on."

8. Say: 'You must respect yourself and others around you', instead of 'be good' or 'don't be rude'

Always be specific with your commands. Tell your child what you expect him to do and repeat it clearly whenever necessary. Use the phrase: "Remember to respect yourself and your friends when you go outside to play."

9. Say, 'I need you...', instead of 'stop' or 'why do you keep doing that?'

Children often ignore most commands that are spoken in a high-pitched or shouting tone. It's not that they can't hear you, it's that your negative communication style doesn't work. Children respond better when you use a non-accusatory tone. Instead of, "I don't want you to go and sit in that room," you might say, "I need you to sit right next to me."Kevin throughout dinner".'

10. Say, 'It's okay to cry,' instead of 'don't be so childish,' or 'why are you crying?'

When children are disobedient, they will react quickly to hide their feelings. Don't force them to hide it, but give them more energy and teach them to overcome negative emotions by focusing on more important activities.

Tell your child that expressing themselves is okay. This will help them escape from sadness and regain their confidence. Avoid arguing with your child about why they shouldn't cry. Let them release their emotions. You can say, "Go ahead and cry. Don't worry, everything will be okay. I'm here with you."

11. Say, 'I will always love you, no matter what,' instead of 'I won't love you if you don't do this,' or 'No one will love a disobedient child like you.'

Your unconditional love is the foundation of positive parenting. That means your love for your child is not dependent on whether or not he listens to you. You love him with all your heart. Showing your child this affirmation is key to building his confidence and independence, and more importantly, the bond between you.

Instead of saying, "I don't love you anymore because you were rude," you could say, "I love you more than anything, but I need you to be more polite the next time you talk to your classmates. You don't have to yell at them."