5 things parents need to keep in mind when punishing children

Not all parents understand the meaning and know how to punish. Sometimes punishment is counterproductive, making children spoiled and rebellious.

Psychologist Tran Dang Thao, TT&T Consulting Office, 1088 Ho Chi Minh City, said that when parents scold and punish their children, they often make mistakes out of anger. A typical case is Mr. Trung (District 3, Ho Chi Minh City) who came home from work and saw his son still playing games and not cleaning up the house as his father had told him to.

Tired and frustrated after a hard day's work, the father quickly put his bike on the ground, ran into the house, yelled at and slapped his son on the head. The father's three unexpected slaps made the boy pale, sobbing and running out of the house. An hour after beating his son, Trung calmed down and felt regretful for being too harsh with his son: "I really don't know why I was so angry at that time."

The biggest mistake parents make is punishing their children when they are angry.
Illustration: afamily

Ms. Hoa (in Dong Nai) felt very tired and frustrated with her 14-year-old daughter. She was an adult but left her belongings messy and untidy, her belongings were thrown around the house, and her clothes were always left there wherever she changed. Her mother reminded her over and over, loudly, gently, and discreetly, but she still saw no change in her daughter. Helpless, Ms. Hoa thought of a way to humiliate her daughter, then maybe she would change.

No sooner said than done, every time outsiders or her daughter's friends came over, she deliberately brought up her daughter's bad habits. Ashamed of her friends and feeling that her mother was too much, the daughter decided to play many strange tricks to challenge her mother and then ran away from home with her friends.

Psychologist Dang Thao advises that parents need to remember that the purpose of applying punishment to children is to educate, to prevent them from reoffending and to help them live better lives. Therefore, before applying punishment to children, parents need to pay attention to the following 5 things:

1. Do not use violence, do not punish children when angry

Many parents make this mistake. When punishing children in anger, parents are actually "unloading" their frustration and inhibitions on their children. The main purpose of punishment is to educate children to behave better. Therefore, before punishing children, parents must "relax" themselves first to ensure that they are completely calm and clear-headed when punishing their children.

After punishing, let your child understand that it is an inevitable application of natural law that everyone must face if they do not follow the principles set forth. At the same time, let your child know that parents are not happy when they have to punish their children. Punishment is for the crime, not for the child. When children understand the necessity of punishment, they will pay attention not to repeat the offense.

2. Mistakes are punished and the punishment is consistent.

Psychologists emphasize the importance of applying punishments consistently. Many parents ignore or give light punishments when they are happy, and harsh or harsh punishments when they are angry or sad. This encourages children to make mistakes to test how their parents will punish them, and then find "tricks" to get away with it.

3. Punish each mistake.

Do not combine or penalize one error instead of another or wait a while before coming back to penalize.

4. Change the form of punishment when it is found to be ineffective

Experience in educating children shows that the best punishment is the one that is least used. The purpose of applying punishment is to reduce the bad habits of children. When the bad habits are reduced, the punishment must also be reduced. If after a period of application, the bad habits have not been reduced, it means that the punishment is not appropriate and the punishment method must be changed. This does not mean encouraging violent punishments that harm the health of children.

5. Don't punish your child just to make him feel ashamed and embarrassed.

Because doing so only makes children have negative thoughts that their parents are petty, selfish, unfair, and do not love them. Punishing like that does not bring any benefits but on the contrary makes children become more rebellious and violent. "Do not think that doing so will make your child feel ashamed and change. No one successfully educates by shaming or humiliating children. Therefore, absolutely avoid making the above mistake," the psychologist concluded.

According to Thi Tran - VnExpress - NT